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I have been married for 5 months and this has led me to so much depressed feelings. I don't know where to begin, and before you all tell me to see a therapist, let me tell you, it's in the works.

So I was dating someone before my now-husband who my parents did not approve of. Let me tell you I was 25 at the time and am 29 now. Familial approval and respect is huge in my culture. Before, the guys I was dating were not from my culture/ethnicity and therefore my parents and all my relatives refused to have anything to do with me, I rebelled, did the whole "whatever, it's my life, I need to choose," and none of it worked. It did not work out with that guy ,but for other reasons, and I was afraid and tired of trying with someone new who was also not from my culture. I felt like I put my family through so much. At the time, my brother had delved into drugs and it just felt like for my parents their whole world was crumbling. It broke my heart to think I was 1/2 of that equation for them that they felt this way. So I had gone out with my now-husband once during my break-up from my ex and did not really care for it. After our first day it took me 6 months to contact him again ,because I was not finding anyone from my culture that I liked and he was the best I could find. He was great, we rushed into our engagement 8 months after dating, and married 1.5 yrs later, but let me tell you, literally a date after we rented our hall for the wedding and the date was set, LITERALLY a day later, I fell for someone else, and this took me deeper into depression. My now-husban, being my fiance at the time, just fit the bill - whatever my parents loved and wanted, he was it, and from my culture, so I gave in. All to make them happy. I thought it would make me happy too, but time and time again it's proven me wrong. I brought this to my parents' attention that I was not happy anddid not want to go thru with the wedding, and they got so depressed and cried again, so I'm pretty much screwed. I wasn't a virgin before, but he wanted us to wait for marriage (HE wanted us to wait), although I told him its pretty childish, so I got used to not seeing him sexually in that way. So we got married, went on our honeymoon, that was alright, then now, 5 months later, in the last 3 months, we've only had sex three times, primarily because I don't want to. I can't help but read articles and more and more see that I settled all to make my parents happy, and this makes me bitter to the core. I told my paretns I'm getting married giving this a try and if it doenst work, I don't mind walking away, and at least this will shut you guys up. They were speechless, and now my mom is trying to act all victimized and saying "well if you wanted to marry those of other cultures, you should have, why are you blaming me" and I keep having to remind her how messed up she was over this. My wedding photos and video have come out two months ago, and I can't care enough to watch them. I cant imagine having kids and all that.

I cant tell if its my depression talking or that I really don't love him. He's done nothing wrong, but I am bored, there's no spark, theres no music or movies in common, and I'm just completely lonely and lost in my head and I just don't know waht to do anymore. I finish nursing school in 3 months, and as bad as this sounds, Im waiting to stabilize a job, have some income of my own, so that I can figure out my next steps. This isn't easy for me, he's a great guy, but much of a pushover, more like a teacher-student relationship where I am legitimately teaching him about life and stuff, and he's in a high-powered profession, and works a lot anyway, so we live more like roommates, and he sees nothing wrong in this. I cant' help but think if my parents weren't the source of my anxiety, like if they werent in the picture, i would do something completely different. They don't like who I really am, I always have had to mold into who they are. It's f-in frustrating and I am growing more bitter towards my husband and my own parents and i dont know what to do anymore. Please help me sort this out.
 

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Depressed or not you did a disservice to yourself and to the poor sucker you married. That's entirely on you, because you had/have the power to do the right thing. Divorce him. Stop letting your parents interfere with your life's decision. Make decisions for you, and you only, no one else. Life is short. Live it to the best of your abilities for yourself.

  1. One more time: divorce the poor guy. He deserves someone who really loves him, and wants to be with him. Obviously, that's not you.
 

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Your not ready for marriage, nor are you ready for relationships, you cast blame to your family and parents. Because you were not woman enough to stand like a big girl. But instead choose to please them like a child. Like Rob, has said you just think you are doing right but use people like your H and parents. You need counseling with a psychiatrist. And get yourself esteem in check.

We're glad your here, but trying to please everyone ends up pleasing no one.
 

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but let me tell you, literally a date after we rented our hall for the wedding and the date was set, LITERALLY a day later, I fell for someone else, and this took me deeper into depression.
How long did you know this guy that you fell for? What were the circumstances?

It does sound like you would benefit from counseling to figure this out. Does your husband now how unhappy you are?
 

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I agree with @tilted1.

You are not ready for a relationship. You don’t even know who you are yet. You sound much younger than 29 and very immature.

Something you wrote that caught my attention was when you said you met someone and completely fell for them right before your wedding. Love doesn’t work that way, but lust does. You are confusing love with lust.

I think you need to think long and hard about what you want and value in life. Life and love and relationships are not easy and without problems.

You don’t seem to love or respect your husband. And I’m sure there is some women out there that wound find him to be the perfect man. If you can’t learn to love and respect him, or if you don’t want to try them divorce him.
 
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