[the liberal one]

I'm a bi-sexual life-long boyfriend/companion/lover (ahhhhh much more realistic)

Scrolling all the old threads in TAM i discovered that people are really mad about their spouse being bi-sexual.

I m going to tell you that i'm a bi-sexual men and in fact i actually had a relation with an older men (12 years older) for 18 months, a few years before dating my friend (my LTR "wife")

The relationship ended abruptly because he was actually married and have 3 kids (meaning that i m the OM according to his ex-w). It is because of this ****ty experience (harass by his wife for 6 months), thus i'm really content with women and will never ever date another men again (fear i guess :scratchhead

Anyways, back to the point. When i was befriended with my wife, she pretty much know that i m attracted to men and women at the same time and accept who and what i m in my mentality (and also she knows my previous homosexual relationship's a disaster and had hit me really hard). She understands that she cannot "compete" with a men thus she try hard to supplement the "male" aspects in our sexlife (ex. pegging, and me doing oral to a dildo, etc).

I know most wives or husbands were shocked that their spouses are bi-sexual or even gay/lesbian. Let me tell you that being bi is not really into the same gender, it is some of the most common misunderstanding of how bi-sexuality works.

I know that it hurts a-lot when you just know your partner is a bi years after the marriage. Do you think that being honest to your date about your sexuality in the first place will prevent hurt and suffering in the long term? (just wondering because sexual-orientation is quite a common thing now-days)

Also will you accept and who and what the spouse really is after being in the fog for years.

Btw after i got burnt from the relationship when i saw a men in the streets i still tell my wife (honestly) that i still have a level of lust on men thus i m more like

-emotional attachment to men:closed
-physical attration to men: still open

p.s please don't judge me from what i m (just sayin)

 

[Chris Taylor]

One of my wife's major complaints when she found out I was bi was that I never told her and that, at a minimum, she should have been able to give me informed consent when we married.

I was never active with my bisexuality before we married nor through most of my marriage. In fact, I purposely pushed it into the back of my mind because back when I was a kid, "fags" (meaning just about anyone who wasn't a jock) were routinely beat up.

So to answer your question, yes I think one should be open with their future spouse regarding their sexuality before getting married.

Exactly when you open up is debatable... before your first sexual encounter? When discussing monogamy? When marriage becomes a topic? But is should be discussed before the "I do" part.

 

[Wifey2Mommy]

I like this thread a lot. I am a wife and mother and I also think I am bi sexual. I have always been attracted to women, I have never done anything with other women but I always fantasize and one day maybe I will tell my husband...he jokes that I am bi sexual all the time but we've never actually talked about how I feel about it.

 

[the liberal one]

Exactly when you open up is debatable... before your first sexual encounter? When discussing monogamy? When marriage becomes a topic? But is should be discussed before the "I do" part.

i think is more like before your first sexual encounter, but in my case because my wife was initially a good friend of mine she pretty much knows im a bi (she only worries that am i only good at having sex to men than women :rofl

and about monogamy, we actually got a solution for me dealing with my desire for me (will discuss later too tired to write)

One of your first questions to a prospective mate should be" Do you mind sharing your sexual partner because I will have sex with men occasionally". The next question should be "Do you mind having to use condoms for our entire relationship?". I'm pretty sure this would clear things up and narrow down the field to those rare women who find this situation appealing. Anything other then this would be dishonest.

i called it judgmental not every men and women want to screw their same sex "occasionally" espicially if they are in a committed heterosexual relationship

I like this thread a lot. I am a wife and mother and I also think I am bi sexual. I have always been attracted to women, I have never done anything with other women but I always fantasize and one day maybe I will tell my husband...he jokes that I am bi sexual all the time but we've never actually talked about how I feel about it.

see? she is an example where she had a strong sense of attraction to women but never act on it so please don't assume that we will always act on it

 

[Enginerd]

To the OP. You said this:

-emotional attachment to men:closed
-physical attration to men: still open

Which to me meant that you are open to future physical relationships with men. If you had said that you never intended to act on your desire I would have had a different response. However, I would be skeptical that you could go your whole life without acting on it in some way. If your wife is OK with everything from the start of your relationship then you acted in a responsible way. I'm not judgemental about gays and bisexuality. I'm judgemental about mispresentation and using people as Beards. It's not fair to the Beard and it can ruin lives.

Peace

 

[sinnister]

It's not fair to be attracted to a male and female "at the same time" while married. If you chose to marry the woman you chose her in all her womanhood for life forsaking all others.

Marriage is taken far too lightly if one thinks it will be fine to supplement attraction to another sex with toys. Trying not to be judgemental because admittedly I know nothing about being bi.

 

[LeslieH]

I don't think sexual preference matters at all. If you're married, the important thing is monogamy. Bisexuality is not an opportunity to have 2 relationships.

I also think that mentioning bisexuality would have to happen early in a relationship, during the recounting of past relationships talk.

 

[Grayson]

It just seems really strange to me that some people jump to the conclusion that a bi-sexual person cannot be monogamous if they are willing to admit they find both sexes attractive. When one heterosexual commits to another, does that mean that they no longer find other members of the opposite sex attractive? Of course not...it means that they choose not to act upon it. The same applies across the spectrum of sexuality.

Personally, I took the OP's "closed/open" statement to mean that, were he in a position to act upon it he would be open to the possibility of a purely physical relationship with another man, but was not willing to entertain the notion of another emotional commitment to one.

Full disclosure? Fine. I find the three descriptors "heterosexual," "bi-sexual" and "homosexual" to be incomplete in defining human sexuality. I find the Kinsey scale to be more accurate. On that scale, I'd say I'm about a 1, which is defined as "predominantly heterosexual and only incidentally homosexual." Some 20 years ago, I had some experiences with my best friend, fairly limited in content but extended in duration. As such, I can appreciate the sexuality of both male and female forms, although I have absolutely no desire for a full relationship with another man. If circumstances allowed for it, I would not be opposed to another male partner like two decades ago. But, I'm married, so circumstances don't allow for it, and that's that.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Wifey2Mommy]

I agree that just because you are Bi does NOT mean that you are going to have sex with the opposite sex while you are married. Like stated above I have yet told my husband about me thinking I'm Bi. but would I ever do anything with a girl, if we both felt strong in our relationship and confidant in doing a threesome then maybe. But as of seeing a women behind is back and cheating, hell no.

This whole thing of sinnister said about it not being fair to marry one sex and also think the other is attractive, is ridiculous. That's like saying my hubby has blue eyes but also being attracted to brown eyes is uncalled for.

Like I said it doesn't mean I am going to cheat on my husband. It just means that some things turn me on about a women. its actually more simple then it is confusing and complicated.

 

[pidge70]

This is info I would want disclosed to me way before I would even get involved with someone.

 

[SlowlyGettingWiser]

I know that it hurts a-lot when you just know your partner is a bi years after the marriage. Do you think that being honest to your date about your sexuality in the first place will prevent hurt and suffering in the long term?

OF COURSE it would! ANYTHING that is important to a long-term relationship needs to be discussed WITHIN A COUPLE MONTHS of beginning to date:

- want kids/don't want kids
- believe in marriage/never want to get married
- sexual orientation
- HD/LD/asexual
- addictions (gambling, drinking, drugs, sex, pornography, shopping, tv/internet/gaming, etc.)
- religious beliefs/lack thereof
- criminal history (impacts ability to get/keep jobs, thus impacting finances)

If you CAN'T or WON'T be honest about these things, then you're not ADULT ENOUGH to BE in a relationship. Please just get laid! There are plenty of people out looking for a one-night stand...please just go THAT route and quit getting dishonestly involved with other people!

BTW: This was NOT directed at the OP...just an observation in general.

 

[the liberal one]

To the OP. You said this:

-emotional attachment to men:closed
-physical attration to men: still open

Which to me meant that you are open to future physical relationships with men. If you had said that you never intended to act on your desire I would have had a different response. However, I would be skeptical that you could go your whole life without acting on it in some way. If your wife is OK with everything from the start of your relationship then you acted in a responsible way. I'm not judgemental about gays and bisexuality. I'm judgemental about mispresentation and using people as Beards. It's not fair to the Beard and it can ruin lives.

Peace

yes i actually told my wife on how i m still attracted to men physically and she accepts on who i m (a good thing that i told her early in our relationship because i don't want to hurt her in the future). Because of this delicate situation, i had try my best to be honest about my sexual-orientation to her

It's not fair to be attracted to a male and female "at the same time" while married. If you chose to marry the woman you chose her in all her womanhood for life forsaking all others.

Marriage is taken far too lightly if one thinks it will be fine to supplement attraction to another sex with toys. Trying not to be judgemental because admittedly I know nothing about being bi.

i know i m attracted to male/female at the same time and btw did you read my bio about my relationship? i m "married theoretically" (since we actually had a western in Australia and a Chinese wedding in HongKong also we had our ring and family/friend banquet) but we are not actually "officially" married since we never sign the marriage certificate since we know that if we split in the future it will be fast and clean not a messy divorce. (thats why we are childless and proud of it!)

yes we believe in marriage (that are bounded emotionally but not legally thorough a certificate) but i m not sure how using toys means taken marriage too lightly? im confused

It just seems really strange to me that some people jump to the conclusion that a bi-sexual person cannot be monogamous if they are willing to admit they find both sexes attractive. When one heterosexual commits to another, does that mean that they no longer find other members of the opposite sex attractive? Of course not...it means that they choose not to act upon it. The same applies across the spectrum of sexuality.

Personally, I took the OP's "closed/open" statement to mean that, were he in a position to act upon it he would be open to the possibility of a purely physical relationship with another man, but was not willing to entertain the notion of another emotional commitment to one.

Full disclosure? Fine. I find the three descriptors "heterosexual," "bi-sexual" and "homosexual" to be incomplete in defining human sexuality. I find the Kinsey scale to be more accurate. On that scale, I'd say I'm about a 1, which is defined as "predominantly heterosexual and only incidentally homosexual." Some 20 years ago, I had some experiences with my best friend, fairly limited in content but extended in duration. As such, I can appreciate the sexuality of both male and female forms, although I have absolutely no desire for a full relationship with another man. If circumstances allowed for it, I would not be opposed to another male partner like two decades ago. But, I'm married, so circumstances don't allow for it, and that's that.
Posted via Mobile Device

On the Kinsey scale i m more of 2.5 at the moment (between 2 and 3). I actually had been attracted with my best friend after uni and even lusting for him, we've been experimenting this relationship for a few months before both of us had a gf (proves i m not a homo but bi).

Btw i m actually in a position to act upon after my marriage but never act on it because i love my wife so much until 2 years ago when we start to open-up our marriage (which is an another sotry)

I'm sure that being bi is not having a ticket to screw other people...... just sayin

OF COURSE it would! ANYTHING that is important to a long-term relationship needs to be discussed WITHIN A COUPLE MONTHS of beginning to date:

[*]want kids/don't want kids
[*]believe in marriage/never want to get married
[*]sexual orientation
[*]HD/LD/asexual
[*]addictions (gambling, drinking, drugs, sex, pornography, shopping, tv/internet/gaming, etc.)
[*]religious beliefs/lack thereof
[*]criminal history (impacts ability to get/keep jobs, thus impacting finances)
[/LIST]

If you CAN'T or WON'T be honest about these things, then you're not ADULT ENOUGH to BE in a relationship. Please just get laid! There are plenty of people out looking for a one-night stand...please just go THAT route and quit getting dishonestly involved with other people!

Ok i m just asking about this just for the interest on how spouses confesses their sexual-orientation early in the relationship, no need to get serious here

(i know its important but just relax)

 

[Coffee Amore]

This is info I would want disclosed to me way before I would even get involved with someone.

I agree. I need to know whether a man is heterosexual or bisexual before I get seriously involved with him. Don't drop the news on me after we're married! I have nothing against homosexuality or bisexuality, but I don't want to be in a serious relationship with a bisexual man.

 

[the liberal one]

i can see your reasoning, because he can cheat on both ways isn't it?

 

[SlowlyGettingWiser]

Ok i m just asking about this just for the interest on how spouses confesses their sexual-orientation early in the relationship, no need to get serious here

(i know its important but just relax)

I guess I just don't understand the point of your thread!

1. IF you want to know HOW people told their spouses or lovers that they ARE bi-sexual, then you just put: How did you discuss your bi-sexual-orientation with your significant other?

2. IF you want to complain about common misconceptions about bi-sexuals, then you could put: some of the most common misunderstanding of how bi-sexuality works

3. IF you want to VENT about how you can't trust lying, cheating bi-sexual men like your ex-lover whose wife called you the Other Man (which you, in fact, WERE), then you put: Venting about lying, cheating ex-lover

But, to state that you

discovered that people are really mad about their spouse being bi-sexual.

shows that you don't get it! They aren't angry about their spouse being bi-sexual, they're angry about being lied to, deceived, misled by a lying cheating bi-sexual spouse (sound familiar?)

I know that it hurts a-lot when you just know your partner is a bi years after the marriage.

Saying it hurts a lot to find out your spouse of many years has been LYING TO YOU about such an important issue is quite the understatement! Some of these people have CHILDREN to raise in these marriages with DISHONEST spouses.

I know most wives or husbands were shocked that their spouses are bi-sexual or even gay/lesbian.

Do you think that being honest to your date about your sexuality in the first place will prevent hurt and suffering in the long term? (just wondering because sexual-orientation is quite a common thing now-days)

I thought you were seriously asking a question or seeking advice. I don't know WHAT the point of your thread is...advice, concern, information, venting? You seem to be all over the map.

 

[mel123]

I thought you were seriously asking a question or seeking advice. I don't know WHAT the point of your thread is...advice, concern, information, venting? You seem to be all over the map.

:iagree: :scratchhead: :scratchhead: :scratchhead:

 

[ATC529R]

I think the point is him being able to say I am bi-sexual (thread title) and then saying it's fairly common.

IT IS NOT COMMON. You made the choice.IMO

Like they say.... if a man builds a thousand bridges and......you know the rest.

 

[the liberal one]

I thought you were seriously asking a question or seeking advice. I don't know WHAT the point of your thread is...advice, concern, information, venting? You seem to be all over the map.

as an OP my purpose of opening this thread is just having a easy discussion on bi-sexual spouse, just because my questioning and my lay-back manner in my question doesn't mean i don't care a sh!t about cheating bi-sexual spouses

you just need to stop thinking too much on the issue

 

[Coffee Amore]

i can see your reasoning, because he can cheat on both ways isn't it?

No, it's because I don't want to get involved with someone who is bisexual.

 

[Helplease]

I like this thread a lot. I am a wife and mother and I also think I am bi sexual. I have always been attracted to women, I have never done anything with other women but I always fantasize and one day maybe I will tell my husband...he jokes that I am bi sexual all the time but we've never actually talked about how I feel about it.

Most women are, on some level. At least that has been my experience.