[Baby2013]

Hello,

Here's my problem with my husband! We car pool which is great! We fill up my tank of my car and leave his car at home! He has a 6 cylinder car I have a corolla which is great on gas. Anyways I drive him to work then I drive myself to work, after work I back track and pick him up from work and I'm driving home majority of the time in traffic for 1 hour 1/2. I'm 6 months pregnant and I have a desk job so I'm drained and stressed out from work and I still have to pick him up and drive in traffic! I don't think that it's fair that he doesn't help me drive, we get into arguments over this! What should I do?? HELP!

 

[Chris Taylor]

When you leave for work, get in the passenger seat and switch when you drop him off. When you pick him up, get there early, get in the passenger seat and sit there for the ride home.

 

[Baby2013]

OMG that is too funny but your right! why get upset and drive make him drive and be driven around!
thanks!

 

[norajane]

I don't understand this. How could you possibly get into arguments about this - what could he possibly say to explain why he won't drive and drop you off and pick you up?

:scratchhead:

Is he inconsiderate in other ways, too? Will the baby be all your responsibility, too?

 

[Baby2013]

Noajane,

It's an arguement becuase I get so frustrated with him that I blow up! His explanation is that he doesn't read my mind and I have to tell him to drive! BS he should offer to drive! point blank period! Yes very inconsiderate we never go out together just us! and he never has time for me because he's tired! Yes I'm guessing the baby will be my responsibility too!

 

[ScarletBegonias]

he's not a mind reader. some men (and women) just need to be told what you need from them.Not everyone is the type of person to anticipate the needs of others.
my exSO was this way.He wasn't selfish or self centered,he really and honestly didn't think i needed stuff unless I asked.

Once I started learning how to ask for things,he was amazing with giving me what I needed.

And remember,just because you have to ask someone to meet a need you have doesn't mean they don't want to do it and it doesn't mean they don't care about you.

 

[southern wife]

Oh boy! No they are not mind readers. Case in point, when I come home with a car load of groceries. Hubs won't even OFFER to help get them in the house. I try to carry as much as I can in one trip, therefore struggling with the door to get in the house, etc. Then he'll say "do you need any help?" :slap:

YOU THINK?

 

[norajane]

Tell him your pregnancy hormones are making you extra-tired and unable to concentrate, and you need him to ALWAYS drive or risk a car crash. You can still save money on gas by using your car, but you need him to ALWAYS drive.

Then you eliminate the mind-reading and expectations nonsense.

As for the other stuff, you are going to have to teach him how to treat you. That means being very, very clear about what you expect him to do once this baby comes, and what his responsibilities are. Write it down and post it on the fridge so he can't complain that you didn't ask so how was he supposed to know that you needed him to buy diapers or take the baby for a walk in the stroller.

Don't let him get away with making everything your responsibility.

 

[PBear]

I'm guessing this is a symptom of a problem rather than the actual problem. How's your communication and problem resolution in general? How long have you been married?

C
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Cosmos]

Noajane,

It's an arguement becuase I get so frustrated with him that I blow up! His explanation is that he doesn't read my mind and I have to tell him to drive! BS he should offer to drive! point blank period! Yes very inconsiderate we never go out together just us! and he never has time for me because he's tired! Yes I'm guessing the baby will be my responsibility too!

It would be good if he was more considerate, but if this is your first child and he doesn't know a lot about pregnancy, you need to tell him what you need from him.

May as well practise now, OP, because when the baby arrives you're going to need a lot more from him than him offering to drive occasionally.

 

[Baby2013]

PBEar,

your right it's a symptom of a problem:iagree:

He doesn't communicatate with me, he doesn't like to speak at all! And when we agure he stay quite and doesn't say anything! I've been with him for over 4 years and we got married this past May

 

[argyle]

Some people are good at conflict. Some aren't. Nothing wrong with most of them - but it can be pretty frustrating on both ends. Best to just accept that people are different and work around differences instead of thinking that they're wrong.

Considering finding a book on nonviolent communication and following the recommendations like a recipe. You'll most likely find that both of you have room to improve. Consider looking for a 'Mastering the Mysteries of Love' workshop in your area - free in hours, really helpful.

For this though, 'I'm pregnant and really not comfortable driving. Please drive for me.' ought to work - along with a few reminders.

For the future, at least one woman has printed up a ton of posters with 'May I help you?' and posted them all over her house as a 'subtle' hint after having children. Men aren't mindreaders, and many of us are also kind of lazy, but most of us also mean well.

--Argyle

 

[PBear]

PBEar,

your right it's a symptom of a problem:iagree:

He doesn't communicatate with me, he doesn't like to speak at all! And when we agure he stay quite and doesn't say anything! I've been with him for over 4 years and we got married this past May

Based on that... I think that the two of you don't have the proper tools in your relationship toolkits to resolve your issues effectively. Have you considered counseling? This is an opportunity to fix not just the immediate problem, but future issues that will come up. If he refuses to go with you, go by yourself.

C
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Baby2013]

I was thinking about counseling! thanks for your advice

Appericate it

baby2013