Hello
I'm 48 have no children and I ended a 2 month relationship with my ex and feeling sad. We had that spark and connection which is hard to find but he had full custody of his 5 year daughter and it was getting stressful for me. Probably sounding selfish but I don't mean to be. I had a good talk with him and told him the way I was feeling and he understood and he's a very good Dad and I respect him for that. Part of me is thinking did I do the right thing as we had that spark/connection? Then I say well if I wasn't happy with the situation it was for the best. I thought can I really be a stepmum figure to the little girl and found it stressful. Feeling sad as he's a good, kind man and we're friends.
Joanne
In the future, don't date men with children.
That seems like it's a huge deal breaker for you, so don't do that in the future.
Regardless of what society falsely claim...
There are plenty of people without children in the world, that you can find the remainder of your life.
You two were incompatible.
He has a child. Unless he is planning to ditch his child, he is a parent for life.
If there is another active, highly involved person, they will co-parent the remainder of their lives, regardless of the age of the child.
Parenting doesn't stop.
You dated him thinking that you could "will" the child away somehow..and that somehow you could have a progressive healthy relationship with him and wouldn't have to deal with the child much or at all.
That somehow you'd take priority over his child.
Date someone without children from now on.
Also, you two were in the "honeymoon" phase of the relationship.
2 months is too soon to speak and know of a great relationship.
You don't even know if he is a good father or not.
If you've met his child already, he definitely isn't a good father... currently in his life.
2 months isn't and shouldn't be the determining factor of "the one".
Don't date people with children.
It doesn't seem to be your "thing".
The breakup was for the best.
I wouldn't advise you two to remain in further contact. I highly advise ending things permanently.
No "friendship".
You and him would likely become extremely codependent and get back together...highly aware that it wouldn't work.
It would be miserable for all involved.
Especially if you, him, or the both of you are lonely and desperate for companionship.
Also, you can't have a healthy friendship without seeing each other. It will still be the same, there will be no time or very little. His child comes before you.
Don't do it
Leave each other alone.
His child is in his life forever, regardless.
This is just a case of two desperately lonely incompatible people who are trying to "force" things.
He may also just wanted you around to fully parent... because maybe he doesn't want that responsibility solely or at all anymore. He may wanted someone he could stick with the kid so that he can go out on his own...and do whatever.
Also this guy isn't a good friend. He's not a friend.
You two don't have an established friendship.
You two had a budding friendship.
Both of you need individual therapy and learn how to love yourself and respect.
You're trying to mold, adapt, and settle for something that you don't want genuinely, just to have a man. A relationship.
The man is trying to impose, mold, adapt, and settle for something that he doesn't want genuinely, just to have a woman. A relationship. Someone to take all, some, or most of the responsibility on of his child.
This is why the both of you are keeping each other around.
Both of you are intending to settle if each "ideal" relationship and person doesn't come along..
All the while forcing an innocent child to partake in this.
Or, maybe you’ll remain friends and realize you don’t want to live without him and you’ll decide you can go the kid route after all. There’s no right or wrong.
