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367 Posts
....So what's up with that???
It seems like there are many, many stories here where the BS has either gone through, is going through an illness, or dealing with a sick child, or a sick parent or a sick sibling. And...perhaps due to, yes, the focus on the event that is grabbing the most attention, the WS then steps up attention given to someone else instead of being present and more in-tune with the person who needs his/her support the most.
Is it a predictable character flaw?
5 years ago my father had a stroke, my brother-in-law was diagnosed with cancer and my brother's second marriage fell apart due to infidelity. 6 months later my dad died. When I track emails I see that's when some of the focus with my spouse started to go off to fantasy land. BUT two years ago I started to battle what I thought was fatigue, etc and a year ago I was diagnosed with a newly named "co-infection" of a vector born illness. (Still being treated but soooo much better.) I was "so consumed with my illness" (and taking care of the kids) I really wasn't focusing on my spouse the way I should have (hard, ya know? but true) I saw it as he couldn't give a rat's arse about what was happening to me physically. Put on a good show and punching the clock when he needed to. But really he was focusing on perky "Wretchie" and her healthy illusion self and her "anything for you" attitude.
What is it? I wonder if all people dealing with illnesses should be put on notice to attend to their marriages or their spouses should be told "Hey pay attention -- this is fertile ground for your cheating".
What do you all think? There have to be statistics on this!
It seems like there are many, many stories here where the BS has either gone through, is going through an illness, or dealing with a sick child, or a sick parent or a sick sibling. And...perhaps due to, yes, the focus on the event that is grabbing the most attention, the WS then steps up attention given to someone else instead of being present and more in-tune with the person who needs his/her support the most.
Is it a predictable character flaw?
5 years ago my father had a stroke, my brother-in-law was diagnosed with cancer and my brother's second marriage fell apart due to infidelity. 6 months later my dad died. When I track emails I see that's when some of the focus with my spouse started to go off to fantasy land. BUT two years ago I started to battle what I thought was fatigue, etc and a year ago I was diagnosed with a newly named "co-infection" of a vector born illness. (Still being treated but soooo much better.) I was "so consumed with my illness" (and taking care of the kids) I really wasn't focusing on my spouse the way I should have (hard, ya know? but true) I saw it as he couldn't give a rat's arse about what was happening to me physically. Put on a good show and punching the clock when he needed to. But really he was focusing on perky "Wretchie" and her healthy illusion self and her "anything for you" attitude.
What is it? I wonder if all people dealing with illnesses should be put on notice to attend to their marriages or their spouses should be told "Hey pay attention -- this is fertile ground for your cheating".
What do you all think? There have to be statistics on this!