Have you tried alcohol? They call it panty remover for a reason and it sounds like your wife could use to relax anyways...
Igniting the Spark
I love my wife more than anything else, and every other part of our marriage is amazing, but our sex life still continues to be a struggle. We have been married for more that 20 years now and are both in our 40's. Our kids are grown and out of the house.
Our relationship was the same old song and dance just like everybody else's. We began year's ago doing it like rabbits. My wife was crazy back then and willing to try just about anything. The sex was daily, intense and absolutely mind blowing. We eventually had two kids, and as would be expected, the frequency of sex slowed way down to perhaps once a week or so. As the kids grew up, it was a struggle to break my wife of the “once a week” routine that she seemed to grow so comfortable with. Believe me when I say that I've tried everything. At one point, I decided to hold out to see if she would eventually come to me for sex. That was a pure failure. In a game of "chicken," she'll win every time. When I bring up the subject of sex, she immediately goes on the defensive and starts firing back at me with the typical excuses. Too tired. Headache. We just did it the other night. I have to get up early in the morning. Etc. We both contribute to the income of the household, although the breakdown is about 70/30 in my favor. We live a comfortable lifestyle. Work around the house is about 50/50 but there have been many days where I’ve told her to have a seat and rest while I take over the dinner, clean-up, laundry, etc. I've tried back-rubs, the subtle "kiss hint" and all of the other suggestions out there. From the advice on this board, you would think my extra effort would net me a roll in the hay with my wife once and awhile. Sorry to burst anyone's bubble out there, but it's not as simple as that. So here I am, supposedly putting all of the pieces in place. I provide my wife with a low stress environment. I shower her with love and affection. I try hard to find her extra creative gifts on her special days (not necessarily expensive, but always with a lot of thought). I keep myself in good shape, looking young, fit and attractive. And more than anything else, I stay positive around her.
My wife is also fit and certainly doesn't have a weight issue. She is active and normally gets daily exercise. She has no health issues. When I finally get her convinced to have sex, you'd think it was the greatest thing in life she's ever experienced. My favorite is hearing her let out an orgasmic scream. If there are other people within an earshot, she'll put a pillow over her face and scream into it. Without any prompt, she'll start talking dirty to me while we’re doing it. It's awesome just thinking about it. The point is, she really does enjoy having sex. I always offer to get her off first before we start the act to make sure she reaches climax. On rare occasions, I can tell she's making an extra effort and we might have sex 3 times over a 5 day period. Unfortunately, when this happens, it's typical for her to shut down for the next 7 days. If I later make an attempt to initiate, she'll say, "What’s your problem, we just did it the other day!" I guess in her mind, she's gone above and beyond. Although I have the drive to do the act every day, I physically need it at least every other day. Three days without, and I start getting edgy. My wife has made me feel guilty and selfish about my need for sex, but should I be? After trying every piece of advice I can find on this site and elsewhere, the only other solution I can think of is having the two of us seek help from a sex therapist, although that's easier said than done. I'd have better odds of winning the lottery than making that happen.
The most frustrating times are when she teases me during the day but rejects me later that night. Not long ago, she even told me to "do her" no matter how tired she was or how much she might reject me. Now how am I supposed to take that? The last thing I’m going to do is rape my wife. In the past, I have tried making a second advance after being rejected on the first, and I'll tell ya, it ain't a pleasant experience.
So the challenge here is getting my wife over that first hurdle of "igniting the spark." Once we get started, I can take it from there. So if anyone out there has overcome a similar experience, please let me know what worked for you. I’m all ears.
Cheers! ~ Sorry, I didn't intend for that to rhyme.
Our relationship was the same old song and dance just like everybody else's. We began year's ago doing it like rabbits. My wife was crazy back then and willing to try just about anything. The sex was daily, intense and absolutely mind blowing. We eventually had two kids, and as would be expected, the frequency of sex slowed way down to perhaps once a week or so. As the kids grew up, it was a struggle to break my wife of the “once a week” routine that she seemed to grow so comfortable with. Believe me when I say that I've tried everything. At one point, I decided to hold out to see if she would eventually come to me for sex. That was a pure failure. In a game of "chicken," she'll win every time. When I bring up the subject of sex, she immediately goes on the defensive and starts firing back at me with the typical excuses. Too tired. Headache. We just did it the other night. I have to get up early in the morning. Etc. We both contribute to the income of the household, although the breakdown is about 70/30 in my favor. We live a comfortable lifestyle. Work around the house is about 50/50 but there have been many days where I’ve told her to have a seat and rest while I take over the dinner, clean-up, laundry, etc. I've tried back-rubs, the subtle "kiss hint" and all of the other suggestions out there. From the advice on this board, you would think my extra effort would net me a roll in the hay with my wife once and awhile. Sorry to burst anyone's bubble out there, but it's not as simple as that. So here I am, supposedly putting all of the pieces in place. I provide my wife with a low stress environment. I shower her with love and affection. I try hard to find her extra creative gifts on her special days (not necessarily expensive, but always with a lot of thought). I keep myself in good shape, looking young, fit and attractive. And more than anything else, I stay positive around her.
My wife is also fit and certainly doesn't have a weight issue. She is active and normally gets daily exercise. She has no health issues. When I finally get her convinced to have sex, you'd think it was the greatest thing in life she's ever experienced. My favorite is hearing her let out an orgasmic scream. If there are other people within an earshot, she'll put a pillow over her face and scream into it. Without any prompt, she'll start talking dirty to me while we’re doing it. It's awesome just thinking about it. The point is, she really does enjoy having sex. I always offer to get her off first before we start the act to make sure she reaches climax. On rare occasions, I can tell she's making an extra effort and we might have sex 3 times over a 5 day period. Unfortunately, when this happens, it's typical for her to shut down for the next 7 days. If I later make an attempt to initiate, she'll say, "What’s your problem, we just did it the other day!" I guess in her mind, she's gone above and beyond. Although I have the drive to do the act every day, I physically need it at least every other day. Three days without, and I start getting edgy. My wife has made me feel guilty and selfish about my need for sex, but should I be? After trying every piece of advice I can find on this site and elsewhere, the only other solution I can think of is having the two of us seek help from a sex therapist, although that's easier said than done. I'd have better odds of winning the lottery than making that happen.
The most frustrating times are when she teases me during the day but rejects me later that night. Not long ago, she even told me to "do her" no matter how tired she was or how much she might reject me. Now how am I supposed to take that? The last thing I’m going to do is rape my wife. In the past, I have tried making a second advance after being rejected on the first, and I'll tell ya, it ain't a pleasant experience.
So the challenge here is getting my wife over that first hurdle of "igniting the spark." Once we get started, I can take it from there. So if anyone out there has overcome a similar experience, please let me know what worked for you. I’m all ears.
Cheers! ~ Sorry, I didn't intend for that to rhyme.
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Just to be clear, the other aspects of our marriage are fantastic. Now that our kids are gone, we go out and spend all kinds of quality "date" time together. It's just hard for me to understand why after a great day or evening spent together my wife doesn't seem interested in sex.
But on the other hand, if she can manage to somehow get started, we have great sex. :smthumbup:
I get mixed messages from wife and trying to talk to her about it is like throwing gas on fire.
One more comment to throw in. I would assume it's a turn off for most people to push their partner into sex. That's why the rejection thing kills the mood for me.
But on the other hand, if she can manage to somehow get started, we have great sex. :smthumbup:
I get mixed messages from wife and trying to talk to her about it is like throwing gas on fire.
One more comment to throw in. I would assume it's a turn off for most people to push their partner into sex. That's why the rejection thing kills the mood for me.
1 - 18 of 18 Posts
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