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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello everyone,

I have been lurking here for months and reading alot of the threads. One thing I would like to know and can't recall seeing it here much.

If your spouse moves out and they admit to you they had someone else but they broke up. If you work it out, how soon should you let them back home? Is 4 months too soon? Are you always worried they will leave you again and if not, how long did it take to stop worrying about it?

Long story but cheated before wedding day, cheated two years after and cheated again (this time asked a divorce) but its over with them and now in R. Families both know and NC has been in place (without intervention, he did it on his own) for a few months.

I would really like answers to the questions but offered the background for context. Entire family is Christian and don't believe in divorce.

Thanks alot.
 

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Asia,
The bible does allow for divorce in cases of adultery. You, however, are living this reality every day and must ultimately make the stay or go decision. You have to ask yourself if you are really in R or are just rug sweeping past mistakes.
 

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Asia,
The bible does allow for divorce in cases of adultery. You, however, are living this reality every day and must ultimately make the stay or go decision. You have to ask yourself if you are really in R or are just rug sweeping past mistakes.

:iagree:

Not only that, the OP has to consider whether his position is simply her "Plan B" and if they should get back together, does anything change that will assure that she won't cheat again when a new potential OM shows up.
 

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I am going to make this clear. Do not let him back under any circumstance. Divorce. Be done with it. You haven't broken any vows at this point.
 

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I would never allow them back in, especially a serial cheater.

My ex h is a serial cheater. 19 years later, he still cheat to this day! He never gave it up and I don't think he will.

If I was cheated on again, that's it. I'm not marrying again. I do trust my husband though. He would never put himself in this position.
 

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I would really like answers to the questions but offered the background for context. Entire family is Christian and don't believe in divorce.

Thanks alot.
I am sorry to hear about your situation.

Matthew 5:9
"But I say to you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, excepting for the cause of fornication, maketh her to commit adultery: and he that shall marry her that is put away, committeth adultery."

In that section where it says fornication, thats greek word porneia. What Matthew meant there is "unchastity" before marriage, which means you can get married after you fornicate with different partners, which is still wrong.





I'm all for reconciliation and this may sound very condescending but I am not being so in anyway. You married a man out of love. I must assume there were no grounds for question at the time of marriage and/or of the validity of your marriage, or any grounds for annulment but I dare say that I hope you did not marry in the catholic church because then you have NO choice but to remain married or else commit adultery (which he is already doing so if that is the case) if you end up with someone else after the fact.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thanks for all of the replies and advice. I am going to get it another chance but worried about the questions I posed. I will put them here again for reference. "If your spouse moves out and they admit to you they had someone else but they broke up. If you work it out, how soon should you let them back home? Is 4 months too soon? Are you always worried they will leave you again and if not, how long did it take to stop worrying about it?"

I know we have a long way to go but have a daughter that has emotional problems when he is not around. She acts out and needs us both. I honestly think that is why he is still here, due to her needs and family pressures. Its hard for me to come to terms with everything he has done but he is trying to be a better husband and Christ-like. We even took posed pictures as a family.

I'm worried that he will leave us again. How can I get over that or stop it from happening again? His last OW lives out of the country so not worried about them hooking up. (unless they resume contact and I have all the passwords, cell records, etc.) I am certain they are not talking anymore.

Please help me and thanks for everything so far.
 

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  • If you work it out, how soon should you let them back home?
  • I'm worried that he will leave us again.
  • How can I get over that or stop it from happening again?

Please help me and thanks for everything so far.
  1. If you already "worked things out" then now is the time to move back in.
  2. We all worry our spouse will "leave us again", that's why some of us choose not to reconcile.
  3. You never get over it and there's nothing you can do to "stop it from happening again".

T
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I guess I am asking how long does it take to work it out from when you find out? He had already left before I knew and I started going everywhere with him with our daughter. I shut down any time he could go and spend with her, went on vacations, and family functions. We have been doing that for some time. He came back in Sept after being gone four months. So now that I have him back, I am so super scared he may do it again.

I love my husband and want our family but it kills me that he keeps cheating on me. And to think he found the "one" and left me to be with her???? I pray and asked God to help me forgive and I have. I just am always scared and want it to go away. If he is here because of our daughter, then at least I want our house to be filled with love and friendship. I want him to love me like I love him but he keeps cheating. I feel like he has cheated our entire marriage.

We have never separated before this time but had our share of problems. We also have alot of fun together and enjoy spending time with our daughter. I feel like I am always the one trying to keep the marriage together. He puts in effort but the cheating halts everything. Without the cheating, we would be fine.

I hate the fact the OW is pretty and nicely shaped. She is physically his type but she can't be much of a woman if she was with my husband. She knew he was married but I think he told her we were on the outs and getting divorced. He asked me for divorce and then went to see her (I found this out after he confessed). I felt like someone shot me in the heart. Then to find out, they were together quite often when I was trying to keep our marriage together.

Now that they are over and we are back together, I live in complete terror that she will come back. If he left me for her before, how do I know he doesn't still have feelings for her? Sorry for rambling.

Ughh!! :(
 

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He is a serial cheater. You allow yourself to be a serial victim. Why do you think anything is different? He will bide his time with you until he can worm his way into someone else's pants.

You can not control him, you can not change him. He is who he is, and he had shown his true lack of character to you again and again. He is not who you wish he would be, and no amount of prayer or anything else is going to change that.

You can control yourself. You can set limits on what kind of treatment you will accept, you can demonstrate how to be a strong healthy individual to your daughter, or you can continue to show her how to be a doormat for a complete piece of **** husband. I do not believe your life is going to get better if you keep taking your husband back. It will definitely get better if you stand up for yourself and dump him for good.
 

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Pursue an annulment.

A lot of churches recognizes this when a marriage was entered into under false pretenses.

Hello everyone,

I have been lurking here for months and reading alot of the threads. One thing I would like to know and can't recall seeing it here much.

If your spouse moves out and they admit to you they had someone else but they broke up. If you work it out, how soon should you let them back home? Is 4 months too soon? Are you always worried they will leave you again and if not, how long did it take to stop worrying about it?

Long story but cheated before wedding day, cheated two years after and cheated again (this time asked a divorce) but its over with them and now in R. Families both know and NC has been in place (without intervention, he did it on his own) for a few months.

I would really like answers to the questions but offered the background for context. Entire family is Christian and don't believe in divorce.

Thanks alot.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
We are not Catholic. Christians so divorce is optionally in our faith. He says he doesn't want to break up.

He even took family pictures and went on vacation as a family. Our families support us being together and he knows they would be upset if he left again. Although my family doesn't really like him, they still support me.

The family pictures is a new start for us and I don't think he would take them if he wasn't serious. Do WS normally do those kinds of things if they are still wanting to leave or with other women? It is embarrassing so I don't tell anyone outside of my mom and dad and his mom and dad what is going on. It is hard to stay sane some days and other days I can't live without him.

Also, slightly off topic, do WS keep reminders of their AP's or do they get rid of everything? Do they forget that the AP got them certain things and keep them because the BS does know the origin? He has some shoes that I didn't buy and it was during that time period.....
 

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Matthew 19 and I Corinthians 7 are the two exception clauses for divorce within the Christian lifestyle.

Sweetheart, take my word for it. God doesn't want you to stay with this horrible person.
 

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Sorry to be so blunt but dies a house have to fall on you? Really? Save your last bit of dignity!
 

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Asia, you need to divorce this bum immediately. That fact that your creep of a serial cheating husband had the balls to take new family pictures and even go on vacation with you shows what a total and complete scumbag he is !!

You say your daughter has emotional problems when he is gone ? Just think of the emotional problems she will have growing up and into adulthood with her female role model (YOU!) living a life of being cheated on and completely disrespected at all times by you lying, cheating husband.
 
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