Talk About Marriage banner
61 - 73 of 73 Posts

Registered
Joined
19,686 Posts
Hate is a feeling and the nature of feelings is to be illogical. Have you ever known someone who was once bitten by a dog and they hated dogs the rest of their life? It's the same thing. A lot of our isms, racism, sexism, etc, start like this.
Thats just totally illogical and will greatly damage lives. Oh well my husband/father/partner hurt me so I will then hate all men for ever. Oh well my ex wife cheated so no women ever can be trusted.
I know several people who were sexually abused by fathers and have still managed to have happy marriages. It's a decision to forgive and move on and not let the past ruin your future.
 

Registered
Joined
19,686 Posts
Not to knock my own gender, but most older guys are kind of gross...Add to that bitterness from life issues...Its no wonder why a lot of women swear off men....lol.

But despise/hate are pretty strong words...If it gets to that level, then its probably just some issues they have that they haven't been able to process...

To a lesser degree that men harbor these feelings. Even if 100 women effed them over in the past they'll walk past some woman on the street and be like. " ooooh...boobies" 馃槃
What groups do you mix with where the older men are gross?
 

Registered
Joined
1,918 Posts
I always thought I would 鈥済row鈥 out of this.

Nope.

Never happened. You might as well say 鈥渕e seeing boobs at age 80鈥. Still going to make the same face.

Always bothered my exwife. She would say, 鈥測ou鈥檝e seen them a million times. Why do you have to see them again?鈥

Simple. I haven鈥檛 seen them yet today.
 

Registered
Joined
8,449 Posts
I always thought I would 鈥済row鈥 out of this.

Nope.

Never happened. You might as well say 鈥渕e seeing boobs at age 80鈥. Still going to make the same face.

Always bothered my exwife. She would say, 鈥測ou鈥檝e seen them a million times. Why do you have to see them again?鈥

Simple. I haven鈥檛 seen them yet today.
Yeah that鈥檚 just part of being a guy.

A guy can be sitting crying at his mother鈥檚 deathbed sobbing like a little girl, but if a hot looking nurse comes into the room he鈥檒l stop and check here out and maybe even look over at his brother (also wiping away the tears to check her out). And they will smirk at each other and silently mouth 鈥淒ayyumm!!鈥

Then when she leaves the room, they鈥檒l go back to snifling and sobbing again.

It鈥檚 just what we do.
 

Registered
Joined
2,592 Posts
My ex wife and her mom absolutely hate men. Sadly, I found that out slowly after marriage. I see the way she treats my daughter and how she treats my son a lot differently. We have posters on TAM that clearly don鈥檛 respect or even like the opposite sex, yet they are married. Why? Wouldn鈥檛 it be better to not marry your mortal enemy?
I鈥檇 say they like to have a target around for their anger.
A willing participant as their intended target.
 

Registered
Joined
8,449 Posts
Not to knock my own gender, but most older guys are kind of gross...Add to that bitterness from life issues...Its no wonder why a lot of women swear off men....lol.

But despise/hate are pretty strong words...If it gets to that level, then its probably just some issues they have that they haven't been able to process...

To a lesser degree that men harbor these feelings. Even if 100 women effed them over in the past they'll walk past some woman on the street and be like. " ooooh...boobies" 馃槃
Yeah this is all part of it.

Hopefully things are trending better in recent times but in the not so distant past there were a lot of men that treated their wives badly and daughters even worse.

Some were truly vile creatures.

There are crappy women that are vile too but when it came to things like alcoholism, neglect and dismissiveness, forced adherence to rigid gender roles and outright physical abusiveness, men had the corner of the market.

And this was all back in a time when it was difficult and socially unacceptable to divorce. A lot of people were just simply stuck.

I personally know a lady closely that is in her 70s.

Her biological father abandoned her mother and siblings when she was a young girl.

Her step father won the hearts of the community and church elders because he 鈥渟tepped up鈥 to take in the abandoned wife and children and married the mom. They all thought he was a fine man.

Almost immediately he began beating and raping the woman I know (approx age 12 at the time). He didn鈥檛 even try to hide his abuse and molestion in the home.

The mother told her and the other kids not to tell anyone because if he left them or if he was hauled to jail, they would all starve and be homeless and he was their only chance to 鈥渉ave a father and be a family鈥 as well as a roof over their heads because no other man would have a twice divorced mother and kids at that time and place.

In my book ALL of the adults were evil and vile including the mother but it was often that men that were the ones that were physically and sexually abusive.

Sometimes people grow up in perfectly healthy and living homes and are still filled with hate.

Others have had bad abusive and maltreatment but don鈥檛 hate.

And others have obvious reason.
 

Registered
Joined
3,504 Posts
Thats just totally illogical and will greatly damage lives. Oh well my husband/father/partner hurt me so I will then hate all men for ever. Oh well my ex wife cheated so no women ever can be trusted.
I know several people who were sexually abused by fathers and have still managed to have happy marriages. It's a decision to forgive and move on and not let the past ruin your future.
Feelings are the opposite of logic so of course it's totally illogical. It still happens.
 

Registered
Joined
851 Posts
A couple thoughts.

My ex-MIL sets off a gaydar for anyone that is equipped with one. Any inconvenience in her life is generally attributed to "a stupid man" and she'd "rather kill [ex-FIL] than divorce him". The relationship is toxic enough that I think both of them are staying in it so that they can be there when the other one dies.

In my experience the difference between older guys and older women in terms of looks is there but not a huge difference. I do think that women are a lot more likely to associate with people that would judge the way that they maintain their looks. I don't necessarily consider that an advantage.

In a general sense, I do think there's a lot of women that have been trained to think that a lot of the ills in their life and in society are the result of "the patriarchy" and therefore the fault of men in general. That "toxic masculinity" is a pervasive, widespread problem that stunts men and harms women. If such a person is heterosexual, then at least from the outside it would look like they hate the opposite gender while wanting to be in a relationship with one.
 

Registered
Joined
2,670 Posts
Discussion Starter · #73 ·
A couple thoughts.

My ex-MIL sets off a gaydar for anyone that is equipped with one. Any inconvenience in her life is generally attributed to "a stupid man" and she'd "rather kill [ex-FIL] than divorce him". The relationship is toxic enough that I think both of them are staying in it so that they can be there when the other one dies.

In my experience the difference between older guys and older women in terms of looks is there but not a huge difference. I do think that women are a lot more likely to associate with people that would judge the way that they maintain their looks. I don't necessarily consider that an advantage.

In a general sense, I do think there's a lot of women that have been trained to think that a lot of the ills in their life and in society are the result of "the patriarchy" and therefore the fault of men in general. That "toxic masculinity" is a pervasive, widespread problem that stunts men and harms women. If such a person is heterosexual, then at least from the outside it would look like they hate the opposite gender while wanting to be in a relationship with one.
It鈥檚 like a marriage where you鈥檙e sleeping with the enemy. I don鈥檛 get it. They want to hate them, but at the same time that don鈥檛 or can鈥檛 be alone and they need their income as well.
 
61 - 73 of 73 Posts
Top