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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So, I was crushing on this person since 1~2 years as he is my college friend. But we are working in different countries at the moment so I stopped my feelings.

Few months later, he suddenly arranged for a visit to the country where I am working and planning to meet me. And it is in my Birthday week so I was having mixed signals at the same time if he really likes me or not. And we both enjoyed the big vacation. We were contacting like crazy nearly everyday that we are going to meet since months ahead. We scheduled and planned for the whole trip. It was my first annual leave for me and it is his first annual leave too so it was so meaningful. We went every places and spent the whole week together.
Things went little far and we got intimate. We had sex nearly everyday of the visit. Not only sex, we were feeling emotionally bonded as almost 7 days was passed together all the time. We eat things together, went on a road trip together, deep conversations all the time, hold hands, we did everything like a couple for example he even feed me something from his spoon. But, he did not commit me as a partner yet so I decided to ask him to define our relationship when he went back to his country. Even though we are far, we are still communicating and he is texting me first all through out the day so i thought this can be something serious. But surprisingly, his answer shocked me.

He said he is not ready for a relationship since we live and work at a different country. He said things might change and we do not know our future and it seems like a totally different person when he said this. Still though, he is keeping in touch to me daily and acting like he is caring about me in texts. He said he wanna keep in touch as a friend and not ready for a relationship yet.
In other words, we spent the whole week together as a couple and I got friendzoned. I was emotionally damaged. It was so painful and hurt way too much.
It might be possible that he is not attracted to my physical appearance as well.

I do not know what is going on inside his mind. I cannot forget him and memories keep relapsing.
Can I receive any advices from anyone? It will be so helpful to me. thank you.
 

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Sorry but it sounds like he used you for his own purposes. He wanted you so he persuaded you that he actually liked you more than a friend. I am guessing that you don’t just hook up with friends. If he knew this from college, then he played the part of a lover before he arrived for the sex every night. He is a POS player.

I suggest you end contact with him and block him on everything. You deserve better then the POS that did this to you.
 

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Sorry but it sounds like he used you for his own purposes. He wanted you so he persuaded you that he actually liked you more than a friend. I am guessing that you don’t just hook up with friends. If he knew this from college, then he played the part of a lover before he arrived for the sex every night. He is a POS player.

I suggest you end contact with him and block him on everything. You deserve better then the POS that did this to you.
i will just ghost him..
tbh i really like this person.
 

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You put the cart before the horse when you spread your legs for him before getting a commitment. You gave him what he wanted so he is moving on. Next time don't be so easy and men will respect you more.
 

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You are not originally from the Emirates so I am guessing that you are either Jordanian, Palestinian, Lebanese, Syrian, Iraqi or Egyptian - what you did is not acceptable in any of these cultures and surely you must have known about the player culture there?
 

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It is possible that he has a completely separate life where he is living with a woman or even wife. He may have just used you for a big sexcapade vacation.

Anyway, please do not keep hoping something will change because he has told you no. I don't think you should continue being friends with him at all and like someone else mentioned, you should just cut him off and block him so you can move on with your life and not let anything he says give you hope. Because it isn't happening.

I'm sorry. He sounds like a POS.
 
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How many times do women not get it.

A large proportion of men are only looking to get in your panties. Decent men, who value yiu as a person, will not pressure you into sex early in a relationship. I am old fashioned I guess. My wife is my only sexual partner and while we almost got carried away a couple of times, when dating/engaged, we both knew when to step back. The first time we "did" was after we said, "I do".
 
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Discussion Starter · #11 · (Edited)
I never think sex is the thing.

i tried uninstalling all social media accounts yesterday. he called me up and ask me what happened. i pretended like nothing happened. Then, he was comforting me and telling me some jokes as well to cheer my mood up. Then, he asked me to check the messages he was sending to me about his stuffs. Then, I am seeing his messages everywhere : - messenger, instagram, linked in. That last day i went to the airport - i still remember that scenario. I was crying on the table at a chinese restaurant and eating together with him bcos i was feeling sad that he is leaving. He said " a lot of things happened. but we will try to meet again." saying like this and cutting the shrimps on my plate asking me to eat and trying his best to comfort me. Afterwards keeps hugging me and touching my hand to get the attention back.
Why would someone care this much when he is not interested in the first place? if it was me, i would just ghost away to the person I'm not interested. It may seems pathetic but I was kinda confident about his feelings and that was the main reason i decided to commit. it feels like i am someone first priority in his life like my opinions matter everytime to him since he also do not have anyone romantically involved and flirting around - not even chatting with other girls. I was seeing some panic attitudes from him that he is afraid to lose me when i decided to cut the contact.

this attitude is really confusing. Is it something like:-
1. He was not interested for long-term thing with me in the first place but emotionally bonded and being nice to me bcos he missed the memories...
or-
2. He is just comforting me up because he rejected me..

I just like this person way too much..

I am a smart women in my career and financially stable and as well as a very confident person in other aspects. Regarding about love, always becoming fully blinded and stupid, dumbass every single time. I used to devote intense amount of interest in the first place and things will get bored for me everytime - usually got bored after interfering with some guys. But, with him i dont understand myself as well why i kept chasing this bad type of player person. Still wanting to see how things goes.
 

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This is what happens when you have the honeymoon before having a relationship. It's a life lesson for sure, hopefully you learn and don't let that happen again.

Don't be coy with him and tell him nothing's wrong, tell him you thought their was a connection and was hoping a relationship would develope. Since he has said a relationship isn't going to happen tell him there's no reason to keep communicating, you don't want him as a FWB.

Then for your own good shut it down, delete and block all possible avenues of communication. If he manages to contact you somehow don't respond, and don't tease yourself by cyber stalking him.
 

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I am thinking the same. He wants you as a conquest not a girlfriend or wife, his actions and words prove this. As for him contacting you and trying to keep you to himself, that is all it is. He thinks you are his to do as he pleases and that you are to weak to do anything about it.

Don’t let him con you. He knows that you like him more then just as friends, he will use this against you.

You sound like a wonderful young woman. Don’t like him ruin your life.

Can he have you charged for having sex with him in your country? Protect yourself if this is possible.

Block his number and break contact. You are worth so much more then some guy’s side piece.
 

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I never think sex is the thing.

i tried uninstalling all social media accounts yesterday. he called me up and ask me what happened. i pretended like nothing happened. Then, he was comforting me and telling me some jokes as well to cheer my mood up. Then, he asked me to check the messages he was sending to me about his stuffs. Then, I am seeing his messages everywhere : - messenger, instagram, linked in. That last day i went to the airport - i still remember that scenario. I was crying on the table at a chinese restaurant and eating together with him bcos i was feeling sad that he is leaving. He said " a lot of things happened. but we will try to meet again." saying like this and cutting the shrimps on my plate asking me to eat and trying his best to comfort me. Afterwards keeps hugging me and touching my hand to get the attention back.
Why would someone care this much when he is not interested in the first place? if it was me, i would just ghost away to the person I'm not interested. It may seems pathetic but I was kinda confident about his feelings and that was the main reason i decided to commit. it feels like i am someone first priority in his life like my opinions matter everytime to him since he also do not have anyone romantically involved and flirting around - not even chatting with other girls. I was seeing some panic attitudes from him that he is afraid to lose me when i decided to cut the contact.

this attitude is really confusing. Is it something like:-
1. He was not interested for long-term thing with me in the first place but emotionally bonded and being nice to me bcos he missed the memories...
or-
2. He is just comforting me up because he rejected me..

I just like this person way too much..

I am a smart women in my career and financially stable and as well as a very confident person in other aspects. Regarding about love, always becoming fully blinded and stupid, dumbass every single time. I used to devote intense amount of interest in the first place and things will get bored for me everytime - usually got bored after interfering with some guys. But, with him i dont understand myself as well why i kept chasing this bad type of player person. Still wanting to see how things goes.
Just because he enjoyed having sex with you and wants to keep you on the string doesn't mean he cares anything about you or that anything will come of it. At least at this point in his life sex is probably what he loves and he is probably not even looking to love a woman and may indeed already have one at home. The only way for you to quit being confused about his being friendly is to block him and you can do it. It's not hard to do.
 

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i will just ghost him..
tbh i really like this person.
I am so sorry that this love-affair did not pan out as you wanted.

Nem fielaan , you like him, actually, you now love him.
Why would you not?

With, all of that foreplay, those words of affirmation, the daily lovemaking.
He touched every aspect of you.
The leading up to the meeting, the get together, you were in heaven.
And, so was he, believe that.

Did he use you, and lie to you?
His first words after returning home, indicate this.

Did he over-promise?
When he was with you, did he talk about the future with you?

With him, talking about you and him staying together?

If he did not, that complicates the situation.

..................................................................

When he got home he may have realized the futility of this relationship.

Why?
Who moves to whose country?

You are established in yours, he sounds like he is set up nicely in his.

Moving and establishing citizenship and employment in other countries has gotten difficult.

Is he an Arab man, living in an Arab country?

The practicality of this relationship may have created doubt and fear in him.

I am not convinced he used you (only) for sex and entertainment.
That might be the case, but I do not know this.

If this love-fling falls through (fails), savor the good time you had with him.
That alone, is a true gift.
 
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So, I was crushing on this person since 1~2 years as he is my college friend. But we are working in different countries at the moment so I stopped my feelings.

Few months later, he suddenly arranged for a visit to the country where I am working and planning to meet me. And it is in my Birthday week so I was having mixed signals at the same time if he really likes me or not. And we both enjoyed the big vacation. We were contacting like crazy nearly everyday that we are going to meet since months ahead. We scheduled and planned for the whole trip. It was my first annual leave for me and it is his first annual leave too so it was so meaningful. We went every places and spent the whole week together.
Things went little far and we got intimate. We had sex nearly everyday of the visit. Not only sex, we were feeling emotionally bonded as almost 7 days was passed together all the time. We eat things together, went on a road trip together, deep conversations all the time, hold hands, we did everything like a couple for example he even feed me something from his spoon. But, he did not commit me as a partner yet so I decided to ask him to define our relationship when he went back to his country. Even though we are far, we are still communicating and he is texting me first all through out the day so i thought this can be something serious. But surprisingly, his answer shocked me.

He said he is not ready for a relationship since we live and work at a different country. He said things might change and we do not know our future and it seems like a totally different person when he said this. Still though, he is keeping in touch to me daily and acting like he is caring about me in texts. He said he wanna keep in touch as a friend and not ready for a relationship yet.
In other words, we spent the whole week together as a couple and I got friendzoned. I was emotionally damaged. It was so painful and hurt way too much.
It might be possible that he is not attracted to my physical appearance as well.

I do not know what is going on inside his mind. I cannot forget him and memories keep relapsing.
Can I receive any advices from anyone? It will be so helpful to me. thank you.


Just because you are sexually intimate with a person, doesn't mean that person wants to date you.

Nor does it mean that you're in a relationship.


You enjoyed his time.

Perhaps he enjoyed yours.

There is no "we" emotionally bonded...

You emotionally bonded.


You can only speak for yourself.


Also, you spent the whole week and trip as associates or friends who were enjoying each other's time and acting silly.


Just because someone has conversations with you, feed you, hold your hand, etc...


Doesn't make you their girlfriend.


What you two had was fun, a good time, and casual sex...on the trip.


You two don't even know each other well.


If you can't handle a casual sexual friendship with someone, I'd suggest that you stop having sex untill you are officially someone's relationship partner.



Also, you've probably turned him off because of your desperation and eagerness to be in a relationship with someone that you don't know well.

(I'm assuming it's been years since college)



A week of being on a trip together isn't enough time to get into a relationship.

Don't rush relationships.

It sounds like if there were never any relationship discussions untill recently when you've brought it up....


You've misinterpreted things.


I highly advise that you block and delete him on everything...

Unless you stop all the relationship talks, and can just be strictly his friend.


I highly advise you block him though.


You have feelings, perhaps they'll never be reciprocated by him.


A friendship like that never works out well.

You'll always pine over him, and he'll be extremely uncomfortable and on eggshells because he won't know how to act around you anymore.



Don't stay in contact with people that you have feelings for and know that they don't have any for you.
It never ends well.



I suggest also that you would learn how to wait some time before you have sex with any one that you may be interested in dating...



Do you really like him?


Are you confusing feelings for liking the

attention that he's giving you?

If I were you, I'd leave him alone permanently.
 

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While it could easily be that he is a player, another possibility is trust issues.

Maybe he just doesn't trust you enough to be in a long distance relationship. Maybe everything he said and how he acted were true, but he thinks you'll just let him down now that you're apart and so it's easier for him to cut it off now.
 
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