[Divinely Favored]

Male or female make no difference to me after the experiences I've had. They can both be equally caring or equally uncomfortable.

I have reached the age that docs start talking about prostate exam, in that case, I have thought I would rather his wife do the exam with her skinnier fingers than the body building hubby urologist. 😢

 

[Julie's Husband]

My wife is present when I get massage by female. Went to my sister's massage therapist. Back issue. She said get undressed as comfortable as I can and cover with sheet. I took off my shoes and shirt. She came back in and laughed, said I was just like my 72 yr old brother-in-law. We both kept our jeans and sox on. I thought she was gonna work on back. She started with feet. Said Joints in lower half correspond to pain in the joints in upper.
Shoulder to hip,
knee to elbow
Ankle to wrist.

Pain in shoulder may be caused from issue in hip, etc.

I wear low rise briefs that have good covering in the crotch. The massage therapists do a good job of draping.

The massage therapists here do not do any breast or abdomen area work, do not touch the genitals. Otherwise, they work pretty much everything, maybe avoiding getting close to the crotch when working the quads.

I avoid touch with any part of the therapist's body other than hands and forearms, but my wife learned massage in Berkeley and she will hold the client's arm under hers for instance, does breast and abdomen. I think I'd like to try that. My boundaries are changing, but I'm reluctant to communicate that to my massage therapists lest I raise a red flag.

Usually I remain silent through the massage, but last session we chatted all the way through. At one point she was working more of the inner thigh than I expected, paused to say something while leaving her hand at the inner thigh area. I was not sure how I would react to that, but I was okay with it.

I'm to the point that I agree with one massage therapist that says everything not covered by a thong should be worked.

I was surprised to find that having my calves, arms, hands worked is quite relaxing.

 

[Julie's Husband]

I have reached the age that docs start talking about prostate exam, in that case, I have thought I would rather his wife do the exam with her skinnier fingers than the body building hubby urologist. 😢

Really can't feel the size of the finger once they are pushing the prostate from this side and the other. The feeling of fluid under pressure is plenty distracting and the pressure seems to extend down into the penis. Even more distracting if they milk fluid for whatever reason.

If screening for cancer, MRIs would be the best option if insurance will pay for it. PSA is not reliable. I had a low PSA and Stage 2b cancer. Definitely MRI before biopsy, otherwise it is an extremely uncomfortable crap shoot.

 

[Julie's Husband]

Well, the urology session went well. No exam, no erection monitor. Happily so as my blood pressure was 152/101.

Most people seem to be unaware that men have pelvic exams that are just as intrusive as those women have. When someone says women have to have these exams, the truth is that they are not likely to be forced, but rather are taking care of their health. Men are probably more about avoiding the uncomfortable.

Fearing that I would be a mess after having my genitals probed by a female urologist, I of course scheduled a visit with my female massage therapist the next day to pick up the pieces. Massage does the trick every time.

During all this time I did some introspection about what inhibitions are and whether I really need them, had a conversation with my massage therapist and gave her the okay to ignore my boundaries. I mentioned to Mrs. JH that I was considering being nude (under the cover) next massage session. She had not balked at the idea of a female urologist tinkering with my erection, but seemed less than enthusiastic about the massage therapist doing my nude glutes. Hmm. 😉

 

[Diana7]

Well, the urology session went well. No exam, no erection monitor. Happily so as my blood pressure was 152/101.

Most people seem to be unaware that men have pelvic exams that are just as intrusive as those women have. When someone says women have to have these exams, the truth is that they are not likely to be forced, but rather are taking care of their health. Men are probably more about avoiding the uncomfortable.

Fearing that I would be a mess after having my genitals probed by a female urologist, I of course scheduled a visit with my female massage therapist the next day to pick up the pieces. Massage does the trick every time.

During all this time I did some introspection about what inhibitions are and whether I really need them, had a conversation with my massage therapist and gave her the okay to ignore my boundaries. I mentioned to Mrs. JH that I was considering being nude (under the cover) next massage session. She had not balked at the idea of a female urologist tinkering with my erection, but seemed less than enthusiastic about the massage therapist doing my nude gluts. Hmm. 😉

That's because one is for medical reasons and one isn't.

 

[Julie's Husband]

That's because one is for medical reasons and one isn't.

So far I've had immesurably more relief through massage than medicine after cancer treatment.

Mrs. JH shouldn't be concerned with my nude buttocks getting massaged as she has done more than her share when she had her massage business. She did make the remark, "You're just trying to push your boundaries."

True.

Actually the methods she learned from the Berkeley area school involve less rigid boundaries than my massage therapists practice.

 

[Diana7]

So far I've had immesurably more relief through massage than medicine after cancer treatment.

Mrs. JH shouldn't be concerned with my nude buttocks getting massaged as she has done more than her share when she had her massage business. She did make the remark, "You're just trying to push your boundaries."

True.

Actually the methods she learned from the Berkeley area school involve less rigid boundaries than my massage therapists practice.

Ok well I have strong boundaries with the opposite sex.

 

[Julie's Husband]

Ok well I have strong boundaries with the opposite sex.

Yes, I also do and / or did. Situational. For me in general, no touch of any kind for any reason.

Overwhelming tension pretty much drove me to trying massage with assumption my lower libido at the time would allow me to relax. It worked, but I set stricter boundaries than normally practiced in massage.

While I spent several weeks in panic level anticipating the urology visit I came to wondering why I felt so vulnerable and realized that a fair amount of inhibition was just knee jerk anticipation of feeling violated. With massage I decided to find out what actually makes me feel uncomfortable. I told the massage therapist to do the massage along ethical guidelines and I would tell her if I felt uncomfortable.

The only real difference was massaging the buns without the cover on. And maybe extended working of the thighs and chest. It felt liberating to drop that load of inhibition and just relax.

 

[Diana7]

Yes, I also do and / or did. Situational. For me in general, no touch of any kind for any reason.

Overwhelming tension pretty much drove me to trying massage with assumption my lower libido at the time would allow me to relax. It worked, but I set stricter boundaries than normally practiced in massage.

While I spent several weeks in panic level anticipating the urology visit I came to wondering why I felt so vulnerable and realized that a fair amount of inhibition was just knee jerk anticipation of feeling violated. With massage I decided to find out what actually makes me feel uncomfortable. I told the massage therapist to do the massage along ethical guidelines and I would tell her if I felt uncomfortable.

The only real difference was massaging the buns without the cover on. And maybe extended working of the thighs and chest. It felt liberating to drop that load of inhibition and just relax.

Glad it worked for you. I have had a few massages over the years but always with women. All very ethical with very strict guidelines.

 

[PieceOfSky]

OP,

When something starts to happen that makes you uncomfortable during a medical procedure/exam, your reflexive action should be to say “NO. I’m not comfortable with that. Explain to me why you think this needs to be done, and what the other options are.”

It might help ahead of time in your head to embrace the need and appropriateness of advocating for yourself and enforcing your boundaries. Plan to error on the side of safety.

When you issue a stop order, observe how it is handled. Leave and find another provider, if you are not happy with their response.

Bad situations unfold quickly. It’s sometimes hard to think on our feet. That’s why I am emphasizing being biased towards putting brakes on it as soon as you are not comfortable.

I know that wasn’t the original question, but it seems relevant to things you discussed.

 

[Julie's Husband]

OP,

When something starts to happen that makes you uncomfortable during a medical procedure/exam, your reflexive action should be to say “NO. I’m not comfortable with that. Explain to me why you think this needs to be done, and what the other options are.”

It might help ahead of time in your head to embrace the need and appropriateness of advocating for yourself and enforcing your boundaries. Plan to error on the side of safety.

When you issue a stop order, observe how it is handled. Leave and find another provider, if you are not happy with their response.

Bad situations unfold quickly. It’s sometimes hard to think on our feet. That’s why I am emphasizing being biased towards putting brakes on it as soon as you are not comfortable.

I know that wasn’t the original question, but it seems relevant to things you discussed.

That is pretty much my mode now. Going into a panic attack complying with something that makes me uncomfortable is no longer acceptable. Raises blood pressure, too.

I now demand full disclosure of what to expect and set boundaries based on that. However at this point it is all about understanding my comfort level myself. I'm asking myself what boundaries are actually justified.

 

[Rjohn]

I guarantee you there is nothing sexual about a medical professional doing their job.

My wife is a RN, there was no enjoyment while putting in a catheter, having men jerk off in front of her, etc. They usually aren't even thinking about you, anything but honestly. These people have seen and handled 100's or 1,000's of ****s, yours is nothing special or memorable.
[/QUOTE " yours is nothing special..." it is to him.

 

[Julie's Husband]

Not sure what is being stated here, but again the staff's feelings or view of the matter are irrelevant. It is the patient's sense of modesty, sense of privacy, sense of dignity that is being violated and that is all that matters. If staff felt they were in a vulnerable position as well, then they could weigh in.

Maybe staff could strip down to make the patient feel less targeted?

 

[Mr.Married]

For someone that never stops talking about modesty you seem to never stop talking about your dik adventures in the medical world. You haven’t had sex with your wife for 20 years so why the hell do you even care? The whole entire thing is completely creepy and I think you are getting your sick kicks from people talking about it.

You need an evaluation for sure… but not on your little head.

 

[Julie's Husband]

For someone that never stops talking about modesty you seem to never stop talking about your dik adventures in the medical world. You haven’t had sex with your wife for 20 years so why the hell do you even care? The whole entire thing is completely creepy and I think you are getting your sick kicks from people talking about it.

You need an evaluation for sure… but not on your dik.

Modesty does not require having sex every day. Sorry it pains you so.

 

[Longtime Hubby]

For someone that never stops talking about modesty you seem to never stop talking about your dik adventures in the medical world. You haven’t had sex with your wife for 20 years so why the hell do you even care? The whole entire thing is completely creepy and I think you are getting your sick kicks from people talking about it.

You need an evaluation for sure… but not on your dik.

Yep! Needs his other head evaluated.

 

[Julie's Husband]

Yep! Needs his other head evaluated.

As mentioned elsewhere, I'm working on that. However, modesty is a valid feeling and part of dealing with other people.

 

[Longtime Hubby]

As mentioned elsewhere, I'm working on that. However, modesty is a valid feeling and part of dealing with other people.

Duly noted. To each their own. Good luck.

 

[Julie's Husband]

You haven’t had sex with your wife for 20 years so why the hell do you even care?

That would be no intercourse. There are other forms of intimacy including outercourse, oral, etc.

 

[Divinely Favored]

That's because one is for medical reasons and one isn't.

A massage can very much be medical. I had a muscle balled up in my back that had me down, after a MT got done, it has not returned.