I wonder whether my wife is truly and honestly okay with this

6921 Views 168 Replies 30 Participants Last post by Julie's Husband, 11 d ago

Julie's Husband

Discussion Starter · 4 mo ago (Edited)

Or suspicious? How would your wife react? Ever been in here?

Most of my medical providers and massage therapists now are women except the cardiologist and endocrinologist. I think the relation with the endocrinologist will be short term, so down to one male provider.

Dentist
Urologist
PA (PCP)
Medical oncologist dealing with hormones

And a second urologist who will be helping me with checking to see whether I'm having the normal amount of nocturnal erections.

I am actually very body shy and need to make sure I'm comfortable with each visit. For instance, the urologist testing my nocturnal erections may ask me to produce erections in the office to baseline the gear. I think I can handle the setup myself at home so I'm hoping she will not insist on doing it at the office. If so, I will insist on my doing the placing of the sensors while everyone else is out of the room and having a modesty blanket during the procedure. She doesn't need to see the erection as she will be able to record it on the device.

I definitely have some anxiety about that appointment.

Just in case, I asked my wife how she felt about another woman checking my erections. She says, "Okay, if that's what's needed." Probably comparing it to women dealing with male OBGYNs, but doesn't mean she is actually any more comfortable with it than I am.

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bobert

· #41 · 4 mo ago

LATERILUS79 said:
Ok. I have to ask.

what medical reason is there for a man to jerk off in front of a nurse?

There wasn't one, just the problem patients that liked whipping it out whenever she'd walk into the room or need to do something. The same sort that would ask her to leave the room slowly so they could watch her ass on the way out, ask her to bend down farther to get a better look down her shirt, grab her ass or boobs, etc.

Reactions: 2

ReformedHubby

· #42 · 4 mo ago

Livvie said:
Why are you even starting a thread about what your wife thinks of the fact you have a female doctor?

Why wouldn't an adult just ask her??? We in this forum don't know what she thinks

And anyway......think of the years upon years there were only male gynecologists and the millions of women that had breast exams and internal exams performed by males.

Welcome to the world....

Before he tarnished his image in a disgraceful manor. Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable delivered lots of babies, and his beautiful wife Claire never cared how many vaginas he saw. OP, you seem to worry about things in a sexual manner, that don't even phase the rest of us. In post surgery care I am fairly certain my ex-wife as a RN touched a lot of penises. Probably with wives in the room half the time. I honestly wish there was something I could do or say to make you let go of what I feel is an odd fixation. If your wife wasn't ok with it. You'd know!!!!!

Also, medical professionals aren't hookers in a back alley, or your secretary mistress, or whatever it is going on in that mind of yours. They are just doing their jobs. They want you to be healthy, and in the case of urologists and folks focusing on mens health, your sexual health is a part of that. Seeing your man parts flaccid or erect doesn't mean they want you or even CARE about you sexually. They've seen lots of penises. They ONLY care about your health. So please stop seeing medical treatment as intimately sexual, it has NOTHING to do with that.

If all of this is just about you not wanting to be touched or examined in that way by a female practitioner, and it seems to be stressing you out. Why not just select male doctors and massage therapists and make your preference known? Then you won't even have to worry about it.

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Julie's Husband

Discussion Starter · #43 · 4 mo ago

Livvie said:
Why are you even starting a thread about what your wife thinks of the fact you have a female doctor?

Why wouldn't an adult just ask her??? We in this forum don't know what she thinks

And anyway......think of the years upon years there were only male gynecologists and the millions of women that had breast exams and internal exams performed by males.

Welcome to the world....

Wondering how other wives might react. I feel for women who had no choice. I feel very protective of women and that makes me very uncomfortable.

Julie's Husband

Discussion Starter · #44 · 4 mo ago

bobert said:
That doesn't sound the least both arousing to me....

Even if you do become aroused while the sensors are being placed, the doctor would likely leave the room to give you a chance to "calm down". Then get the baseline.

Erection is required. That is the whole purpose. I do feel that they can allow me to place the sensors (doesn't take a genius) and provide a blanket for modesty, however.

Julie's Husband

Discussion Starter · #45 · 4 mo ago

Longtime Hubby said:
You’ve posted before on a similar topic, concern about getting hard in the presence of a female doctor. Honestly, they have seen it before. It’s no big deal to them.

It is my sense of modesty that is being violated. How they feel is irrelevant.

Reactions: 1

Julie's Husband

Discussion Starter · #46 · 4 mo ago

ReformedHubby said:
Before he tarnished his image in a disgraceful manor. Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable delivered lots of babies, and his beautiful wife Claire never cared how many vaginas he saw. OP, you seem to worry about things in a sexual manner, that don't even phase the rest of us. In post surgery care I am fairly certain my ex-wife as a RN touched a lot of penises. Probably with wives in the room half the time. I honestly wish there was something I could do or say to make you let go of what I feel is an odd fixation. If your wife wasn't ok with it. You'd know!!!!!

Also, medical professionals aren't hookers in a back alley, or your secretary mistress, or whatever it is going on in that mind of yours. They are just doing their jobs. They want you to be healthy, and in the case of urologists and folks focusing on mens health, your sexual health is a part of that. Seeing your man parts flaccid or erect doesn't mean they want you or even CARE about you sexually. They've seen lots of penises. They ONLY care about your health. So please stop seeing medical treatment as intimately sexual, it has NOTHING to do with that.

If all of this is just about you not wanting to be touched or examined in that way by a female practitioner, and it seems to be stressing you out. Why not just select male doctors and massage therapists and make your preference known? Then you won't even have to worry about it.

It is exposed while aroused that is the issue. Otherwise, been there, done that.

Again, what staff feels is irrelevant.

I am good with female massage therapists. We are get along well as they will not be working with me while aroused.

If it is absolutely necessary to be observed while erect, I would ask for sedation to keep stress down.

bobert

· #47 · 4 mo ago

Julie's Husband said:
Erection is required. That is the whole purpose. I do feel that they can allow me to place the sensors (doesn't take a genius) and provide a blanket for modesty, however.

I didn't say an erection wasn't required.

They may let you place the sensors yourself, but they may need to show you where to put them and will likely need to check the placement once they are on. That is them doing their job.

And I'm sure they will give you a sheet for modesty. I have never been to a doctor, ultrasound, etc. that doesn't do that by default.

UAArchangel

· #48 · 4 mo ago

Julie's Husband said:
Or suspicious? How would your wife react? Ever been in here?

Most of my medical providers and massage therapists now are women except the cardiologist and endocrinologist. I think the relation with the endocrinologist will be short term, so down to one male provider.

Dentist
Urologist
PA (PCP)
Medical oncologist dealing with hormones

And a second urologist who will be helping me with checking to see whether I'm having the normal amount of nocturnal erections.

I am actually very body shy and need to make sure I'm comfortable with each visit. For instance, the urologist testing my nocturnal erections may ask me to produce erections in the office to baseline the gear. I think I can handle the setup myself at home so I'm hoping she will not insist on doing it at the office. If so, I will insist on my doing the placing of the sensors while everyone else is out of the room and having a modesty blanket during the procedure. She doesn't need to see the erection as she will be able to record it on the device.

I definitely have some anxiety about that appointment.

Just in case, I asked my wife how she felt about another woman checking my erections. She says, "Okay, if that's what's needed." Probably comparing it to women dealing with male OBGYNs, but doesn't mean she is actually any more comfortable with it than I am.

I think she might prefer that you use a male doctor, but I think she would prefer that you be around for some time to come even more, even if it means using a female doctor.

Reactions: 1

Benbutton

· #49 · 4 mo ago

Julie's Husband said:
No, people have feelings and inhibitions. We need to deal with those as part of whole patient care. I do understand that the traditional approach is a rather mechanical one.

No to what? That it's not a medical issue? That my wife and I don't have doctors of the opposite gender? That all that matters is a doctors competence?

While I understand your point of view, I don't understand why you said no.

Benbutton

· #50 · 4 mo ago

Julie's Husband said:
Just in case, I asked my wife how she felt about another woman checking my erections. She says, "Okay, if that's what's needed."

I just re-read your post. Looks like she already told you so you don't have to wonder...

ReformedHubby

· #51 · 4 mo ago

Julie's Husband said:
It is exposed while aroused that is the issue. Otherwise, been there, done that.

Again, what staff feels is irrelevant.

I am good with female massage therapists. We are get along well as they will not be working with me while aroused.

If it is absolutely necessary to be observed while erect, I would ask for sedation to keep stress down.

Roger that. I respect your response. I guess I was just hoping to make you realize the effort you place on such concerns is abnormal and completely unnecessary. It's far better to just figure out the root cause of why you place an emphasis on such things on your own, or through therapy than to live with the anxiety you're experiencing. However, if indeed this level of modesty is one of your values. Nothing wrong with that either. But people don't tend to fret over values, or ask for an outsiders opinion. They simply live it and don't care what others think.

Reactions: 2

Faithful Wife

· #52 · 4 mo ago

ReformedHubby said:
Roger that. I respect your response. I guess I was just hoping to make you realize the effort you place on such concerns is abnormal and completely unnecessary. It's far better to just figure out the root cause of why you place an emphasis on such things on your own, or through therapy than to live with the anxiety you're experiencing. However, if indeed this level of modesty is one of your values. Nothing wrong with that either. But people don't tend to fret over values, or ask for an outsiders opinion. They simply live it and don't care what others think.

I dunno, he doesn't seem abnormal to me. If I had to do such a test (whatever equivalent it would be for a woman) I really wouldn't want to do it with any medical professional in the room. It's one thing just to have your body probed and observed by a doctor. It's quite another to purposefully get aroused in front of a medical professional in some sterile setting. Nope. I couldn't do it. It would skeeve me out. If my entire sexual health depended on it such as in the OP's case, I would force myself to try I suppose. But I would absolutely hate it and most likely would not be successful.

Reactions: 3

Longtime Hubby

· #53 · 4 mo ago

Julie's Husband said:
It is my sense of modesty that is being violated. How they feel is irrelevant.

It’s a doctor’s office. sheesh

BigDaddyNY

· #54 · 4 mo ago

Julie's Husband said:
It is my sense of modesty that is being violated. How they feel is irrelevant.

Why do you think you are do insecure about your body?

SunCMars

· #55 · 4 mo ago

Modesty is culturally instilled in us.

Then later, at certain times, its to be ignored.

For most, there are few adaptable means, at hand.

Humans are slow to change, for good or bad reasons.

For the life of them.

There is Modesty and there is Pride.

They are two sisters joined at the waist.

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Faithful Wife

· #56 · 4 mo ago

Some of you guys who are pushing back at OP as if he's being unreasonably modest....you are just off base, period. Maybe YOU can be happy with a doctor watching you raise a flag pole over and over, ok cool, fine, whatever. But the fact that the OP is not comfy with that doesn't mean you are "right" and he is "wrong". It's not "his body" being seen or probed, it's that he has to get aroused in that cold, sterile environment with that stranger doctor or team. Sheesh give the guy a break. I couldn't do it either!!

Reactions: 4

UAArchangel

· #57 · 4 mo ago

Faithful Wife said:
Some of you guys who are pushing back at OP as if he's being unreasonably modest....you are just off base, period. Maybe YOU can be happy with a doctor watching you raise a flag pole over and over, ok cool, fine, whatever. But the fact that the OP is not comfy with that doesn't mean you are "right" and he is "wrong". It's not "his body" being seen or probed, it's that he has to get aroused in that cold, sterile environment with that stranger doctor or team. Sheesh give the guy a break. I couldn't do it either!!

My suggestion is that if the OP cannot handle a female examining him, that's ok. But he's going to have to do the work to find a male doctor in his field, even if it means travelling for an hour for each appointment.

Julie's Husband

Discussion Starter · #58 · 4 mo ago

bobert said:
I didn't say an erection wasn't required.

They may let you place the sensors yourself, but they may need to show you where to put them and will likely need to check the placement once they are on. That is them doing their job.

And I'm sure they will give you a sheet for modesty. I have never been to a doctor, ultrasound, etc. that doesn't do that by default.

Yeah. I'm not sure where I'm at with their helping with the placement. My libido is still lower than in the past so it may be nothing. I'll ease into that and just let them know when I'm uncomfortable, same as I do for massage.

My original intent for posting was to ask whether other female partners would be good with the men becoming sexually aroused on demand for another woman. Doctor or not.

Julie's Husband

Discussion Starter · #59 · 4 mo ago

UAArchangel said:
I think she might prefer that you use a male doctor, but I think she would prefer that you be around for some time to come even more, even if it means using a female doctor.

I wouldn't like being sexually aroused on demand for a male doctor, either, so that wouldn't help on my end. 🤨

Reactions: 1

Julie's Husband

Discussion Starter · #60 · 4 mo ago

Benbutton said:
No to what? That it's not a medical issue? That my wife and I don't have doctors of the opposite gender? That all that matters is a doctors competence?

While I understand your point of view, I don't understand why you said no.

No to just accepting whatever without consideration for personal feelings.

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