[matt9007]

I've been married to a wonderful, loving, and caring woman for almost 9 years now. We have two beautiful little boys (6 and 4). Over the past five years I've been working in the Middle East. It started out like most couples just trying to get ahead and back out of debt after the housing crash. Somewhere along the way I began getting used to the 300k + salary, and started putting my wants and desires for toys ahead of my family. I sent plenty of money home, and made plenty of great improvements to our home. I went home on vacation every three months, but raising two little boys on your own has got to be difficult for anybody. I'm pretty sure along the way my wife tried to tell me how she felt about me being gone, but I turned it into her attacking me for trying to provide the best life I could for our family. Two weeks ago she told me she wants a divorce. She said that she has so much built up anger towards me that she doesn't think she'll ever get past it. I would consider myself a good, caring, and kind husband and father, but I've certainly made my fair share of mistakes, and I certainly have changes I need to make. I'm old school. My wife is the love of my life, my sole mate. I would do anything to save this. I've offered to go to and even found marriage counselors, but she said she's not interested. Now, I'm sitting in an airport writing this because I feel more lost than I've ever felt before. I'm so nervous about seeing her in 9 hours that I feel like I'm going to lose it emotionally. What should I do? Is there anything I can do?

 

[eolhc238]

Listen, this is going to be a long hard road, whether she chooses to stay and work it out or say goodbye.

I am sorry this is happening but I can only offer a small amount of advice if it was my situation

Family has more to do with having a nice home and being having money as I am sure you already know and as you stated, you put money ahead of you family. If you are to work it out, you need to find a job back at home and move back in with your family. Nothing else will work at this time because she has missed you and looked after children you both made alone and that can be hard.

Right now, she is properly really upset and hurt so it will be hard talking to her, but if you really want to sort it out, you can do it. Marriage is about compromising, communicating and working together as a team. Do the best for your family

Good luck and I wish you all the best

 

[AFEH]

It’s surprising your marriage lasted as long as five years. I would want to know “Why now?”. Why not a year or two ago. I am truly sceptical with these things so bear that in mind when I tell you the best thing you can do is spy on your wife to discover what’s really going on in her life.


Because in reality you two have led two totally separate lives over the past five years and you wont have a clue what your wife’s life has been about and what it's really about right now.

 

[KathyBatesel]

Sounds to me like she has felt alone and abandoned. You'll need to acknowledge that and find out what you can do to make up for your absence. Are you willing to give up the job even though there's no guarantee that it will bring her back to you? If your answer is no, it may be time to let her go.

 

[1lostintranslation]

Matt all I can say is evaluate what is more important....your family or job that afford a certain kind of lifestyle. Men seem to value providing women seem to value family. Your wife sounds like needed you there. Needed to know what/who you were doing all this for to begin with.

 

[Ten_year_hubby]

What should I do? Is there anything I can do?

Let her go. Put yourself in a position to be completely involved in raising your sons for the 50% of the time you can probably get them in a divorce settlement. Your boys are a little young right now so maybe you can stretch out the process for a couple years. After age 6, the biggest blessing you can give your sons is your direct and complete involvement in their lives. Let your soon to be ex wife make her own choices and live with the consequences. I would ask you to make the choice to be the best, most involved, most supportive, most enabling father any boy ever had. This could be the best thing that could ever happen for both you and your sons.