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SO sorry that you have this going on in your life, but honestly it is MUCH better that you actually found out. It should now take any doubts out of your head that you are doing the right thing.

Make copies of all the emails/pics, etc. -- she will probably try to re-write you marital history to anyone who will listen -- it was YOUR fault. YOU drove her away, YOUR work.... blah blah blah. KEEP the proof someplace she can't get to it.

She probably sent that "sorry" text because she is sorry -- that she got caught again and ruined her "good times". She had her cake and was eating it too. Now you will be taking away her cake. She wrote that to try to manipulate you into NOT leaving her. She MAY honestly mean what she said, but I think you are pretty clear that you are not putting up with that. ESPECIALLY (and you can tell her this) since you caught her TEXTING other guys AFTER you told her that you knew everything. THAT by itself is super telling. Mention to her she needs to go to counseling for herself to figure out why she felt it was ok to do this -- if not, she will NEVER have a good relationship moving forward.

BTW, since you have these guys contact info, you may want to find out THEIR spouses and give them the heads up (don't tell your wife you are doing that) -- those spouses deserve to know what crappy husbands they married.
 

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So I bring you all a very sad update for me. I did speak to an attorney last week and after a lengthy conversation he suggested I write down all of my feelings and present them to my wife and request MC. He said if it doesn’t go well then state I would be filing either for dissolution or separation.

I spent the next few days really wondering if this is what I want and if I’m trying hard enough. I thought maybe I could change some things here or there and really express my love for her and desire to repair the things I feel are broken despite the constant telling me that everything is perfect when they are clearly not. I had spent months and months suspicious of her moves and thinking I was a psycho for creating problems out of nothing. I thought I was wrong to be concerned over her changing her style, getting a nose ring, going from drinking once a month to 4-5 times a week, tanning, going outside to “sit in the sun” for two or more hours, taking 45 minute bathroom breaks, not going to bed with me anymore because “I’m asleep anyway,” but coming to bed at 230am when I’m getting up for work. It was all so suspicious but she was so good at making me seem like a crazy person.

As I sat down to begin writing out my feelings, something told me to check her laptop which I have never done. I obviously first noticed her laptop password had been changed. I was able to figure it out anyway. We have apple products so her texts were synced with her laptop. She’s been carrying on multiple online affairs with other married men whom she met through the online phone game called PUBG where you play short first person shooter matches with random people that you can talk to through your mic. This is a game we downloaded and enjoyed together. Turns out all of this sneaky stuff was happening because she was talking to other guys. She didn’t have their numbers saved and had them checked as “do not disturb” so they wouldn’t pop up when I’m around her. I didn’t see anything too crazy but the conversations are inappropriate and she’s the aggressor. She sends them pictures of herself with makeup done and new outfits with her cleavage showing. Things she never does for me I’m lucky if she brushes her hair or changes out of her PJs/Work cloths. The man said that her sending pictures was risky and she said it’s a risk she’s willing to take. He then asked what other risks she’s willing to take. They even talk about me a lot she sent him a photo of me and my daughter and he sent her one of his wife and their daughter. Why!? It’s so sick.

Another message she had was from a woman who stated that my wife had been talking to her husband and that she found the messages and his tinder and Snapchat. My wife replied claiming they’ve never spoken inappropriately and it was only ever about PUBG. Who knows how many times she’s done this or if she’s met up with someone and I don’t honestly want to know. This could all be online fantasy but it’s adultery yet again. It’s at least 3 married men she’s talking to. One had even said he’s married but gets lonely and meets new people as he travels for work and asked where she’s from. From what I’ve seen it isn’t overly bad yet but it’s leading to that and enough for me to know the cheating probably never stopped.

Although I didn’t realize it at the time I had my first panic attack when I saw the messages. I couldn’t breathe, I was seeing stars, my hands went pale I thought I was going to need an ambulance. I chilled out after speaking to my mother on the phone and her and my sister came over and got my weapons from me.

I called my wife while she was at work and told her I am quite calm right now but I need her to know that I know everything and that I would not keep her from coming home but I do not want her in the bedroom with me and I said we would talk about the next steps in the coming days. She had the most defeated sounding “ok” response and I hung up.

I noticed that night she got home she sent one of the guys a text saying sorry I was at work missed your text goodnight. That’s not terrible but why do that when you just got caught? She’s still actively playing or at least logging into the PUBG game.

She then sent me a text late last night reading this:

I know it’s too late and I know there is nothing I can say at this point to mend what I have broken but I am sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you so many times. I’m sorry for not appreciating you and us. I’m sorry for being the worst human. I have no idea why I did what I did and I think that makes it worst. I’m sorry for ruining the best thing in my life and for ruining (my child) life as well. So many selfish decisions that I cannot explain and I’m just sorry. You deserve so much better and I’m at least happy that you might finally have a chance to be with someone who you truly deserve. I don’t expect or want a response to this but I couldn’t leave this marriage without at least saying those things. I’m sorry.

How dare she? How can she be so cruel to me to pretend she made another mistake and ruined our marriage that she claimed was “the best thing in my life?” Why toy with my heart just let me go. It’s so unreal I’m going through a scary cycle of emotions.

I did however return to the lawyer yesterday. Paid him his retainer fee and I finished all the paperwork this morning. I’ll be returning that to them this afternoon and staying in a hotel tonight as she is off of work. I will not be speaking to her until she has been served which should be early next week. Let’s see if she’s so apologetic and nice once she has the papers in her hands. Life sucks right now.
Well now you know your gut was right about her as a person. Your gut now also tells you it’s time to get out so trust it when you feel moments of weakness now. Use your anger to push through and get out of the situation and then move forward.

You deserve so much more. I’m so sorry for this heartbreaking discovery... but part of you has to be relieved that you finally know you aren’t crazy or suspicious... you’re just right.

Hopefully what little guilt or trying to get in your good graces she is able to feel will help you resolve a divorce quickly.
 

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Her text was pure manipulative BS. She doesn't feel guilt or regret like normal people. She does not empathize with you; she only knows that it's something she needs to fake to get what she wants.

Full steam ahead with the divorce.
 

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Boo hoo hoo. I’m so sorry...... I got caught..


Marriage counseling is the last thing you should do. The marriage isn’t broken she is. You’d be lucky to find a decent MC. Many are horrible rugsweepers or will blame you for her affair.
 

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It's important that you acknowledge the fact that she doesn't care any longer and is apologizing on the way out the door of which she is opening on her own through her actions. Her reply apologizing to the guy on the good night text is all you need to know as it happened shortly following getting busted. A wife afraid of losing her family would reveal emotion that's hard to describe for those not there.

But, she was calm and ended it with OK. Don't get insulted by that, just realize that's where she is and it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with how f'd up she is. What's interesting is it's a lifestyle and not a person she's in love with which would be understandable with limerence.

A lifestyle is a situation where she's in it with her eyes wide open and where affair fog typically doesn't exists. Don't look or wait for remorse, sincerity, begging, crying or anything. Just calmly accept the fact that she probably cares about you, the marriage and your family but not nearly enough to fear losing the lifestyle that she's chosen over her family. The world is full of people who aren't made out to be faithful and live with family first beliefs.

Problem is they often don't know it until they marry which means they have to mess up someone else's life to learn about themselves. Only thing you can do is protect yourself, child and assets to minimize the hit. Get therapy and separate asap so that you can recover and move onto the next chapter of your life.

No need to get angry or vengeful. What speaks the loudest is unwavering commitment to eliminating her from your life so that you and your child are minimally impacted. That should be your objective. She may or may not provide you with the level of remorse that melts men's hearts of women they love so you'll have to prepare to do what's smart for you and your kid. That's the ONLY thing that matters.
 

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Apologies like the one she sent you are meaningless. She is not sorry that she cheated multiple times during your marriage, she is only sorry that you finally caught her (again) and she sees the ATM going away.

I still cannot believe she had the balls to move her boyfriend into your new house before you even had a chance to walk through the door.

Divorce is the way to go. Better late than never.
 

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Stay in the military, get your 20 year letter.
That military retirement, plus Social Security, will create a wonderful retirement for yourself.

Plus, you will get lifetime military health insurance, not a small thing.

So few, civilian employers are offering fixed retirements anymore.
Amen from this gray headed jarhead!
 
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