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Discussion Starter #1
I've been on this website too many times complaining about my husband etc.

But I need someone to help me... I'm feeling weak. Im VERY tempted to cheat on my husband.

I don't have the finances to leave/divorce just yet... But I'm terribly tempted to stray. The guy is everything my husband isn't... But I know this is not a morale thing to do.

Give me feedback. Help me stay strong.
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Do you love your husband still? Do you want to work it out? I don't know your story other than he's controlling.

What would you lose?
What would you gain?

How much do you know about the guy?
Have you ever been cheated on? It's devastating.
Have you sat your husband down and told him how you're feeling?

Cheaters normally dont end up longterm with the people they cheated with. This is rare. If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you. Respect yourself.
 

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You say you are not ready to leave yet? so does that mean you actually plan on leaving, just need the right timing? I understand that, that's the type of boat I am in. I need timing to be better to ease the blow for both of us.

As for the desire to cheat...yah, what I have to say would not help you avoid it, so I will just leave it at that.
 

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I think the reason people cheat is because they build up a wall of resentment so strong that they just want some sort of vengeance for everything. Then they look for someone, anyone to fill certain needs they want at the time. This man may be everything your husband isn't, but you married your husband for a reason. For the control thing? You need to stand up for yourself. You need a backbone. He's an alpha, don't be a beta. Flip ****. You are not weak.
 

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Something drew you to your H in the beginning,but you started seeing some of the negatives...... This OM has them too, you refuse to see them at this point, or you are not letting them bother you.

I worked with a woman who had been married 4 times and had boy friends in between.I am sure she felt the same feelings you are now. The grass just looks greener on the other side.The OM is showing his charm now and covering his unpleasant traits.

Don't cheat you H , be honest tell him your feelings to his face. OM most likely doesn't want you any way, just wants the excitement.

However I don't mean to sound harsh. at one point in my life I experienced the same feelings you are now .I am not looking down on you, just giving you a heads up caution.
 

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STOP THIS SH!T NOW!!

Either sort your marriage or get out.

Don't become someone you will hate later on.

Come on concerned... you know this isn't the right solution to your problems. Your better than this.
 

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The reason you like this OM so much, is because you don't live with him. And notice, HOW closely live and love are spelled.

How often are you with the OM? 2-3 hours a day? Or is it a full work day of 7-8 hours? Well, he will only put up his best! That is why you think you love him.

How much time to you spend with your husband a day? 10 hours? 12 hours? More?
That is why you don't appreciate him so much! You are around him so much that you have grown use to him!

Please listen to me, as a former WW, don't cheat!!!
I am thankful my husband is giving me a second chance, but I am so afraid his current emotional state may change that.

But listen, I know how it feels.
The OM gets you, the OM listens to what you have to say, he acts interested, your heart skips a beat when you see him, he understands your view point, he is sexy probably.

Guess what! That is only because you put this OM ahead of your husband!
I talked with the OM instead of hubby, and it pains me to know he was at home waiting for me to walk in, to ask me about my day, and talk to me. Instead I just pushed him away.

Plus, how well do you know this man?
Every wayward entertains thoughts of running off with their AP. I know I did, and I told my hubby this. He wasn't happy when I did.
You might say "Oh, he loves me, and we plan to move to the suburbs, and he'll get an office job, and we'll start a family, and drive a nice SUV, and have a white picket fence, and best yard in the nieghborhood..."
Guess what! Those dreams will NEVER exist!
This man has already shown his moral character! He is hitching up a married woman.
Let's say your dream happens. Well he goes to work somewhere else, how do loyal will he be when you are 7 months pregnant, he is 3 months into no sex, and he sees another attractive woman at the office? I wouldn't bet money on it.

Plus, how do you even know he'll stay? There are a lot of guys that once they get it, they leave. They are smart enough to not stick around for the husband's fury. (too bad the OM for me wasn't smart enough to do that...)

Plus, you feel like you are living the perfect life. You got the family at home, a husband that provides, and a lover at work.
Well, lets subtract a husband that provides and a family, and what do you got? A sex hungry lover, that's it. No home, no apartment, no family. You lose all that. Like how that math works out?

If you still can't stay strong, imagine yourself in one year.
You will have had an affair. To men everywhere, that screams ****, and a girl you "hook up with, but never date, and NEVER ever marry." So what will your long-term plans be?
Your kids will forever see you as the reason their family, their world, came crashing down. I have watched my husband deal with this (and heard him talk about it) as he hates his father, for destroying his family and bringing his world crashing down around him. He disowned his father before he even graduated college. Want to be the mom that was disowned by her children?
Plus, what will you have? Depending on where you live, you may not get a very favorable settlement. So you'll be flat broke, and have no where to live!

Then, imagine your husband. Think of how hurt he'll be. He'll have had his heart ripped out of his chest then stomped into the ground by you. He'll be so hurt and broken, it will destroy him. Imagine him on the ground crying, angry, hurting, unable to get over the pain. And then think, "I am the sole reason he is like this. I am the reason he is experiencing so much pain and anger right now. The one person that promised to love and never betray him like this, did that betrayal, and broke that promise."


Please don't make the same mistake I did.
If I had a time machine, I would go back in time and stop myself.
If I could trade in 10 years of my life, I would do it.

Because I was the WW.
And he knows. And he triggers. And what hurts the most:
Is not his yelling, his screaming, and hurling of insults at me. I understand his anger and pain, and he has said he is sorry, and held me when I've broken down in front of him.
What hurts me the most, is when he cries. When he completely breaks down, but hides it from me. I know he is hurt and crying and in so much pain. Yet he won't let me help him.

An affair is a crime you commit. But sadly your husband pays the punishment for it.
Don't cheat. Ask every wayward spouse on this site, and they'll tell you the same thing.
 

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The guy is everything my husband isn't...
Yeah, and I'd rather be driving a BMW than a Ford. But it is WHAT IS for the time being.

Don't cheat. Simple as that. If you want to have sex outside your marriage, then leave the marriage.

As long as you are living under the same roof with your husband, take the high road. You will be able to leave with your self-respect intact.
 

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You want to cheat because it's in your blood. The first thing you want to do is hop on another man's di%k, because your husband is not giving what you want. You've let sex ingrain your mind as the alternative.

How about you just stop F-ing your husband and tell him that you want to leave and want a divorce?...You can't let your kitty cat breathe for a good length and sort everything out?

Explain how are you feeling weak?...Sexually weak?...That's a problem and that's not your husband's problem that's a YOU problem.
 

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Relationship material is one thing. But I tend to think older single men are generally just players who don't want a real relationship.
That is one approach, but we never really know a persons situation and the reason for it until we give them a chance.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
I have talked with my husband. I am in therapy too. Just started a few weeks ago. It's clear I'm not happy in my marriage and I'm trying to figure out if that would ever change for me. My image of him has changed over the years as I've grown stronger in my therapy. He isn't a terrible man but I see him as a child that needs to be taken care of. He doesn't act like a HUSBAND he acts like a child who complains and throws temper tantrums.

The OM thinks I'm separated. I thought awhile back that I was really going to do it. But I didn't. Like a weakling. So... The OM doesn't know that I would be cheating.


You say you are not ready to leave yet? so does that mean you actually plan on leaving, just need the right timing? I understand that, that's the type of boat I am in. I need timing to be better to ease the blow for both of us.

As for the desire to cheat...yah, what I have to say would not help you avoid it, so I will just leave it at that.
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OP, you say that you can't afford to divorce or leave your H just yet, but should you cheat on him, you might well be forced to do so...

No matter what your reasons are for wanting to cheat, think long and hard before doing so. Your marriage might be on shaky ground, but cheating could make things ten times worse.

If I were you, I would either put all my energy into trying to fix my marriage, or all my energy into finding an appropriate way of ending it.
 

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I have talked with my husband. I am in therapy too. Just started a few weeks ago. It's clear I'm not happy in my marriage and I'm trying to figure out if that would ever change for me. My image of him has changed over the years as I've grown stronger in my therapy. He isn't a terrible man but I see him as a child that needs to be taken care of. He doesn't act like a HUSBAND he acts like a child who complains and throws temper tantrums.

The OM thinks I'm separated. I thought awhile back that I was really going to do it. But I didn't. Like a weakling. So... The OM doesn't know that I would be cheating.



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It is a tough situation being stuck in a situation where you feel as if you are taking care of the person more than living a life with them.
You are stronger than I. You are trying to avoid the temptation in an actual opportunity situation. I know that given the opportunity in a situation of desire, I most likely would give in to it.
 

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What about single, never been married older man Brad? Doesn't scream commitment issues? If the OM thinks you're separated thats a relationship that started on a lie. A big one.
It does depend on age. Some just may not have had the opportunity to ever be married to someone that they thought was the right situation. Though it is possible they have commitment issues. But again, every situation is different.
 
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