Yes, her delivery was poor, but that's not within your control. What is in your control is your response. I reccomend you start learning about interpersonal communications to better understand the dynamics between the two of you and to find communication strategies that will help both of you get your needs met.This happened about 20 years ago. It's easy to remember what you spent 20-30 thousand on, especially when you see it everyday on your house. But when you spend a thousand or two on miscellaneous items, those are easily forgotten. I'm only guessing, but I probably paid down a credit card or two and bought myself some trinkets. Which sadly to me, are hardly worth remembering 20 years later.
In hindsight, her decision to spend it on the house was the right thing to do. Her delivery on informing me of her decision sucked.
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