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Hello,

A lot to read here and sorry about that but was trying to be detailed.

Me and my wife have been married for a little over 3 years and been together for 6 years total. My wife is 26 and I'm 33. She's bi polar and won't seek help. She insistent she can control it herself. I have mentioned it to her a few times. She also thinks she is going through menopause. From what I read about it she does have several of the symptoms. Don't know if that's important to list here or not.

For me the problems she talks about that we have don't seem big enough to divorce over. I have suggested marital counseling to her before and that is something else she refuses. She said once she doesn't need a counselor to tell her she's wrong. That was back when I first found out about the affair.

A couple of years ago she had an affair that we worked through and things were good up until about 2-3 months ago. Out of the blue she comes up to me and says she wants things to work out but that she's been thinking of leaving. We talk about it for awhile and I try to find out what's bothering her. She says we don't go out enough and the passion in our marriage has ended.

I know she does suffer from depression from the loss of her parents. Her dad died about 21/2 years ago and her mom about a year ago. Once again though she won't seek any help to deal with it.

In order to try to calm her feelings on things I start trying to do the things I used to do that she likes. Buy her flowers every couple of weeks. Randomly hug and kiss her. Tell her I love her. Try to go out more often.

One example. Two weeks ago we had decided to go to movie on Saturday. Saturday came around she didn't want to go and said we could go this past weekend. Friday she comes in saying we should have sex more to which I agreed and still do think we should. So we decide Saturday's will be our "date nights" So Saturday comes along and she doesn't want to go out or have sex. She says she just wants to lay around the house. The direct opposite of what she's telling me she wants. This seems to happen every time I try to get her to go out. To which I did mention to her that she says she wants to go out more. I did try some on top of clothes foreplay and that didn't work.

My wife seems to forget that my mother is on her facebook. So earlier today my mother called and said she seen some things on my wife's facebook that concern her. She said that today my wife posted on there that she has decided she's moving back to Iowa and she needs to save up some money and find a place to live. Previously she had posted something like "F**k you for killing me" and then told her cousin that it was about no one he knows. These aren't things that I want to know but I'm also glad my mom is on there and told me because otherwise I would be clueless.

Big reason as to why I hate facebook and don't use it at all. I really wish she wouldn't either. Seems like people on there know what's going on more than I do in our marriage. I just feel lately like I'm coming in second place to everyone else..

Me and my wife talk a lot but she always acts like that there is nothing wrong. Just yesterday she was sitting on the couch next to me cuddled up. Mixed signals all the way around on what is going on in our marriage.

So I guess my question is what do I do? I mean I can't just tell my wife that mom told me what she's posting on her facebook. Then my wife gets mad at my mother over something I should have known before it ever went to facebook. I don't know how to bring this up to her when she's going to walk in the door like nothing is wrong at all. I need to know though what is going on but I don't really know how to bring this up to her.

I know one of my problems is I don't really have any friends otherwise I would talk to them. It's nothing personal I'm just really shy at talking to people I don't know and find it hard to approach people.

I truly love my wife and don't want our marriage to end but at this rate there doesn't seem to be much hope in it being saved but I'm tired of not knowing what's going on. Any advice? thank you in advance
 

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I'm impressed. My wife just text me saying she would like to move there and I asked if she's assuming for me to move there also. She said yes it might do us some good because she feels stuck in a huge rut here. Not sure about that kind of move though with the problems we have. Just seems to be like running away instead of confronting. I don't have a lot here myself but my father is really ill and we don't know how much longer he's going to be around so not sure if it's a good idea to up and move 3 hours away
 

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Hi,
There is a lot to your post. The first thing that sticks out is her Bi-polar diagnosis. If she was diagnosed with bi-polar, why isn't she seeking medication and therapy? I know a few bi-polar sufferers and I can tell when they are cycling through a manic or depressive stage.

Two of my friends who are BP take medication and see a therapist to keep the symptoms of the disorder manageable. This therapy involved their spouses at certain points as well. I have experienced bi-polar symptoms in a woman I knew and her behavior was INTOLERABLE when she was manic! She was all over the place: up till all hours of the night, would not stop talking (and I mean for hours!), wanted sex, didn't want sex, cleaned everything, missed work, got speeding tickets, forgot what she was doing...it was horrible.

Then, a after a few weeks of this, she disappears into her apartment. Calls in sick at work. Doesn't return phone calls, watches movies and sleeps most of the time. Very upsetting.

If your wife is truly a bi-polar sufferer, then she needs to get her symptoms under control before you will be able to ascertain what the relationship needs.

As far as YOU go, start to engage others more regularly. Get out on your own a bit. It sounds like you are too caught up in all of this crazy behavior. Can you think of something that you can do on a regular basis that will help you feel good?
 

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She won't seek help because she's had medication for it before but says the medication they gave her made her feel worse. I told her that she should have went back till they found something that would help her out. Everyone around her knows she needs help but she has her father's stubborness and won't do it.

Not really. The only thing I really did that i was really into was when I still had my band. I ended up leaving it though because my dad got pretty bad off and moved here. That's part of my problem I don't really know how to talk to people. The whole way through from initial to ongoing.

You are right though the behavior is on my mind a lot of times and it is hard to handle. I've been thinking of going to therapy myself just to try to help me out with some of the craziness.
 
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