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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am so tired of my husband tunning my out everytime i talk or everytime i tell him about something important!
Seriously, for example and this happens ALL THE TIME..i told him yesterday he had to go meet his mom to get gas from her after he droped the kids off at school. ANd he said okay..this morning i told him Dont forget to meet your mom ar the gas station after you drop the kids off..ANd he starts freaking out like he NEVER heard me tell him this last night and he says im not going right now blah blah blah but i checked with him last night and he said okay! this happens EVERYDAY!!! Literally if not multiple time..so i am talking and he is just ignoring me..I mean what is the point of ****ing talking in the first damn place? ugh i am so FED THE **** up with this really..and i dont curse alot but i am tired! I have talked with him about this over and over and over again and he says ill start listening to you from now on. i have tried and tried to tell him when i speak to you you need to look at me...and does he NOPE...and probably NEVER ****ING WILL till i take different steps..such as kicking his ****ing ass out!! I JUST DONT KNOW what to do anymore i thought about just NOT EVEN speaking ANYMORE! Literally giving him the silent treatment for as long as it takes for him to break! and try to seriously talk..and then i will say well there is no point in talking anyways you dont listen to anything i say and im not going to waste my breath on someone that DOESNT appreciate me or my wasted time..So this is where i am at please tell me what you think? is this to childish to do? or is it a good idea? Does anyone have ANY other ideas on what i could do?:mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::scratchhead:
 

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Yes its childish and some here will say that the silent treatment is even a form of abuse. Sometimes men tune women out because women are not direct in their conversation. Sometimes they will talk about small details, how they felt at the time, what they were wearing and men normally like to get to the point. If you're a person who talks alot about non important things he may have grown tired of listening. Try talking less and be sure to choose you words carefully. If that doesn't work then you might want to rexamine your whole relationship. There's usually more to the story then what's stated in a first post here.
 

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I recommend asking, before you start talking with him, if he is available to listen. If he say's no or can it wait, then ask him when a good time would be as you'd like to discuss something with him.

Stop reminding him of responsibilities he needs to take care of himself. If you told him once that's enough.
 

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Stop reminding him of responsibilities he needs to take care of himself. If you told him once that's enough.
I agree with this. What would have been the consequences if he hadn't met his mom to get gas? He would have run out of gas, right? Let him face those consequences a few times and perhaps his ears will be more open.

I wonder if he has become so attuned to you telling him several times, that he blocks out the first couple of times? You know what I mean? It's like with kids when they are little, and - well, I dont know about you, but I made this mistake - I would tell them once, then twice, then three times, and by the third time I would be mad. What I didn't realize was that I was 'training' them not to react the first couple of times. So, when I realized that, I changed. I told them once - 'do this'. If they didn't do it, they got sent for a short time-out. They complained at first "mom, I didn't hear you, why didn't you give me a second chance?" I said to them that they would get no second chances, they needed to do it the first time I asked. They learned after a few weeks of time-outs to react the first time, and get things done, and while I am not saying your husband is a child - perhaps he would benefit from dealing with consequences so that in future he "hears" you the first time.
 

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I am like your husband in that I am not a good listener. Part of what others are saying (wife adds too many little details that aren't part of getting her point across and I tune out) but also just because I am thinking of something or doing something, and I need to stop and listen.

Anyhow, what works for me is texting. I know it isn't very personal, but if she texts me, I read it and remember it. I might forget the details, but I have the text to refer to.

Also a huge point about don't babysit him. Let him look after what he needs to do and let him fail a few times. He will learn. Make sure you tell him though that you are no longer being his mother. Nothing worse than setting him up to fail, by stopping doing something that you always did before and expect him to just 'know' that he needs to do it.
 

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I think good listening is a sign of emotional maturity. Unfortunately, you can't make someone grow up, they have to do it on their own. It sounds like he needs a wake up call at this point, the hard part is giving him one that will make him realize what is going on, but not damage your relationship further.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Yes its childish and some here will say that the silent treatment is even a form of abuse.



I read up on this after you said this and some forms of silent treatment can be considered abuse but only if you are doing it in certain way. Me doing the silent treatment i would let him know if he asked why i am not talking to him and then leave it at that..that is not abuse it is taking different actions because obviously the ones i am taking arent working correctly:( thanks thoe made me look at the silent treatment a little differently and now i know which way to do it:) and if it is childish then fine but him not listening is childish also!
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Stop talking to him and start leaving him notes or texting instructions to him.

Rather than continually frustrating yourself, do something new because what you are doing isn't working.
thank you very much..
I am going to be doing this and i will keep you posted:)
thank you once again <3
 

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Yeah... if it's something he needs to do that's important, Write it down. Even hand it to him.

I wouldn't completely go silent & not talk to him... Imean.. have some conversations with the man for goodness sake. Like if the T.V. is on & the weather looks like it's turning nasty in your area, go for it & talk about needing a new winter coat.. etc.

But for things like meeting his mom to get gas at the gas station.. Let HIM do that sort of commitment. Tell her, she'll have to call him to confirm a time he can get to the station.. and let THEM work it out together. If he doesn't show up, then Its not pinned back on you , that you didn't tell him about it.

If he's supposed to meet someone else, or do something for a family or friend, make sure that HE is the one setting his appointments, and keeping them. If he only remembers to go to the doctor because you remind him 3 of the 4 days before the appointment, then he is relying on you as a mother figure. Stop & make him man-up to his own responsibilites.

Don't make his commitments for him, and don't keep his appointments. Maybe he'll realize that he's been taking you for granted for too long & will start listening when it is meaningful.
 

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In addition to notes, post a family calendar somewhere. Dry erase is nice... and leave as many lovey notes as you do instructional.

And when you need to talk to him about something, be sure to say his name first to be SURE he's actually listening. Make sure he is making eye contact. Don't talk to him when the TV is on, he's in the next room, he's on the computer, etc. That way you can be sure he HEARD you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
In addition to notes, post a family calendar somewhere. Dry erase is nice...


im going to stick with just notes and i will try the dry erase boards but i have them ALL OVER my house and literally he walks right past them without a care in the world..im like at my wits end i have tried everything but the silent treatment.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 · (Edited)
Or memory problems[/QUOTE said:
Memory problems i am sure ihavent thought about the add but he smokes marijuana so his memory is going to hell each damn day! i try to give him the benefit of the doubt because of that..but its his own fault in a way ya kno!

Correction....medical Marijuana that is
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Yeah... if it's something he needs to do that's important, Write it down. Even hand it to him.

I wouldn't completely go silent & not talk to him... Imean.. have some conversations with the man for goodness sake. Like if the T.V. is on & the weather looks like it's turning nasty in your area, go for it & talk about needing a new winter coat.. etc.

But for things like meeting his mom to get gas at the gas station.. Let HIM do that sort of commitment. Tell her, she'll have to call him to confirm a time he can get to the station.. and let THEM work it out together. If he doesn't show up, then Its not pinned back on you , that you didn't tell him about it.

If he's supposed to meet someone else, or do something for a family or friend, make sure that HE is the one setting his appointments, and keeping them. If he only remembers to go to the doctor because you remind him 3 of the 4 days before the appointment, then he is relying on you as a mother figure. Stop & make him man-up to his own responsibilites.

Don't make his commitments for him, and don't keep his appointments. Maybe he'll realize that he's been taking you for granted for too long & will start listening when it is meaningful.
I was going to quote bits and pieces but this is ALL SO RIGHT! Thank you so much! you are right i wont just not talk to him at all i mean after all we have kids and we are parenting them..together so communication on that part is essential. But as far as appointment and things yes you are right i cant be his mother but yet his wife! thank you so much for your advice gosh this is what i needed thank you <3 i greatly appreciate it <3:D:eek:
 
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