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Funny, I replied and it seems to have disappeared....
Mister has tried to make up for the last few years and I worry he's going to burn himself out. Although its easy to just let him and say "good, that's how I've felt for years", I know I'm better than that. I've been kind to him, but am still guarded. He really has tried hard the last few weeks: cooking, cleaning, finishing the bathroom, and painting the living room.
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We even took a drive up the coast where we took our honeymoon. He insisted on driving, holding open doors, and fell all over himself to try and make me happy. It was endearing and we had a good time.
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But tonight was a reminder that his loving and attentive attitude wasn't going to last. I have a 0 Christmas before Decembet 1st rule. Plus, Thanksgiving and our daughters birthday are all this weekend, so I have enough to deal with. Well he insisted on a Christmas movie, then was mad that I wouldn't watch it with everyone. The volume was up so loud I could hear it on the other end of the house. And he worked from home, and I still came home to trash and dishes everywhere.
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I dunno. Heart says: "Stay! He's your husband, he loves you, and its better to keep the family together."
Mind says: "Divorce. Sell the house. Start fresh with 0 debt. Be free!"
I get you are frustrated, but you should relax with the 0 Christmas rule in this instance.

I only say this after reading ALL of your posts. Your husband was as absent as it gets and he really tried that night. That should be +1 for husband who deserves continued dog house.

I don’t think anyone blames you either way, but he seems to be trying to be more present and involved.
 
Discussion starter · #43 ·
I get you are frustrated, but you should relax with the 0 Christmas rule in this instance.

I only say this after reading ALL of your posts. Your husband was as absent as it gets and he really tried that night. That should be +1 for husband who deserves continued dog house.

I don’t think anyone blames you either way, but he seems to be trying to be more present and involved.
Don't get me wrong: I love Christmas! 🌲🎅🎁 I'm just not on board with the extremely aggressive advertising that starts in October. I took Marketing and know what those retailers are up to! 😉 I just like to relax and take one holiday at a time.
He is trying, and so am I. I'm still feeling very drained to the core, and scared to be hurt again.
 
But tonight was a reminder that his loving and attentive attitude wasn't going to last. I have a 0 Christmas before Decembet 1st rule. Plus, Thanksgiving and our daughters birthday are all this weekend, so I have enough to deal with. Well he insisted on a Christmas movie, then was mad that I wouldn't watch it with everyone. The volume was up so loud I could hear it on the other end of the house. And he worked from home, and I still came home to trash and dishes everywhere.
I'm sorry to hear that you are hurt and scared.

With this scenario, how did he express that he was mad that you wouldn't watch the movie?
And how did you express that you didn't want to watch it? Also, despite the volume being loud (was it louder than usual, or just how he would normally watch a movie?), were you annoyed they still watched it anyway?

As for the chores... well, I don't know what his work is or what his day is like, but I can tell ya that my day gets nuts and working from home, nothing gets done while working. Any chance that could have been the reason? Also, then what happened with the trash and dishes? Your pattern seems to be (and correct me if you feel I'm wrong here) to jump in and fix the thing, likely without saying anything. Did you end up cleaning up? Did you ask him to help do it together?
 
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Don't get me wrong: I love Christmas! 🌲🎅🎁 I'm just not on board with the extremely aggressive advertising that starts in October. I took Marketing and know what those retailers are up to! 😉 I just like to relax and take one holiday at a time.
He is trying, and so am I. I'm still feeling very drained to the core, and scared to be hurt again.
@Cup of Tea , haven't see you on here for a while, how are you doing?
 
Just read thru all of this and what stick out the most is that picture and your statement "...hasn't ever took his daughter out for trick or treat". That statement just broke my heart just now. Having 3 young boys, I try to do everything with them, coach of their soccer team, taking them biking, hiking , attend events, etc. Really hurts me when I see dad's choosing to not be a part of their child's lives because their own "hobbies" come first. I would love to know an update on all of this and where you are currently.
 
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