I had it all planned out: the girls were loaded up, the car was running, and I asked him to talk. I blurted out that I wanted a divorce, that he made me incredibly depressed, and that my heart and mind were just so tired of his sh**. I told him we'd talk the next day when I got back, and I wanted him to just absorb that it's over, and promised to be fair. Then I got in my car, blocked his number, and hit the freeway doing 80.
.
The girls and I had a great time at my dad's.
.
When we got home, we talked and for the first time in years, I had his full attention. He has 0 clue I was so unhappy.
.
He just thought I was mad about something.
.
For a year.
.
Idiot.
.
I skimmed the surface and told him how much it hurt that I just wanted him all to myself on our 9th anniversary (he brought his son along and ignored me the whole day), and how devastated I was when he yelled me on our 10th when all I wanted was to reconnect. I told him about how I absolutely cannot tell him how I feel because of reactions I get (pouting, pity parties, deflection, 'forgetting,' or property damage), so I have zero incentive to communicate. So all of those emotions that should be shared between husband and a wife, I buried. And they festered like a cancer and made me incredibly depressed.
.
He listened. Then bawled. Big racking sobs. Genuine ugly crying.
.
He begged for the chance to win me back. I agreed to at least not do anything until after New Years. And he wants to go to counseling which I agreed to.
Whatever it takes, he says.
He has been extremely attentive and loving: sending my favorite flowers to my work, and more waiting for me when I got home. He has cleaned almost every day, and cooked more than I have. He is falling all over himself to get back into my favor. He offered to cancel a hunting trip he's been planning all year and never go fishing again if it meant keeping me. I made him go on his trip and helped him cut/wrap his deer.
Although this display is wonderful, I find I'm very cold-hearted. I does make me chuckle to listen to him struggle with everyday chores. He even came home early from hunting to do Halloween..
I'm on the hunt for a counselor who takes our insurance, and my personal counselor advised me to look for a male, as guys can feel ganged up on with a female. It might help melt my heart, or it might give him closure as to why I left the marriage. Right now the deep part of me that gives love is very worn, and I hope isn't out of service permanently. There is so much hurt I'm carrying and its awful heavy.
For now though, I have a list of properties saved on Zillow, and have my eye on a few more that are banked or estate owned, but not on the market.
Thanks for asking about me on my older posts. I've been meaning to post, but always seem to get interupted!
Thanks for listening. I'll keep posting..
.
The girls and I had a great time at my dad's.
.
When we got home, we talked and for the first time in years, I had his full attention. He has 0 clue I was so unhappy.
.
He just thought I was mad about something.
.
For a year.
.
Idiot.
.
I skimmed the surface and told him how much it hurt that I just wanted him all to myself on our 9th anniversary (he brought his son along and ignored me the whole day), and how devastated I was when he yelled me on our 10th when all I wanted was to reconnect. I told him about how I absolutely cannot tell him how I feel because of reactions I get (pouting, pity parties, deflection, 'forgetting,' or property damage), so I have zero incentive to communicate. So all of those emotions that should be shared between husband and a wife, I buried. And they festered like a cancer and made me incredibly depressed.
.
He listened. Then bawled. Big racking sobs. Genuine ugly crying.
.
He begged for the chance to win me back. I agreed to at least not do anything until after New Years. And he wants to go to counseling which I agreed to.
Whatever it takes, he says.
He has been extremely attentive and loving: sending my favorite flowers to my work, and more waiting for me when I got home. He has cleaned almost every day, and cooked more than I have. He is falling all over himself to get back into my favor. He offered to cancel a hunting trip he's been planning all year and never go fishing again if it meant keeping me. I made him go on his trip and helped him cut/wrap his deer.
Although this display is wonderful, I find I'm very cold-hearted. I does make me chuckle to listen to him struggle with everyday chores. He even came home early from hunting to do Halloween..
I'm on the hunt for a counselor who takes our insurance, and my personal counselor advised me to look for a male, as guys can feel ganged up on with a female. It might help melt my heart, or it might give him closure as to why I left the marriage. Right now the deep part of me that gives love is very worn, and I hope isn't out of service permanently. There is so much hurt I'm carrying and its awful heavy.
For now though, I have a list of properties saved on Zillow, and have my eye on a few more that are banked or estate owned, but not on the market.
Thanks for asking about me on my older posts. I've been meaning to post, but always seem to get interupted!
Thanks for listening. I'll keep posting..