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My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years now as a couple. We have been living together for the past 5 years. In the beginning I was so happy, everything was going really great but then one thing after another life hit us with its bag of hammers.

The reason he moved in with me was his house burned down. He was at work at the time and no one was hurt but he had nowhere to live and being in love I invited him into my home and helped him rebuild his life. Then he got word that his father was sick, his mother died when he was 13 so having only one parent he quit his job and went back home to help take care of his father for a few months. I waited for him and even though we had a LDR we kept our romance alive through the internet and phone calls.

Finally his dad got better and he came back to me. A month later my SO gets sick. The doctors had no idea what was wrong with him but his eye turned red and bloodshot, he was in agonizing pain and the doctors came to us with a list of "what it could be" without answers. For five hellish months we ran from hospital to hospital getting tests and gods knows what. He had quit his job to go back home to his father--so he had no health insurance. I personally paid for most of his medical expenses--a cost that took us years to overcome.

He finally was diagnosed with a parasite in his eye, it was eating part of his retina and he was given medication to subdue the parasite but surgery was too risky. He would have to live with this worm in his eye for the rest of his life and just coping with the symptoms. I was just glad it wasn't a lethal diagnosis...for the original list of possibilities included some.

Then we get a phone call--his father was in the hospital. A burglar had struck him in the head during a robbery. We rushed to the hospital and three weeks later my SO and his sister made the heart-wrenching decision to pull the plug. Their father had suffered too much trauma and he would never wake up again. We watched over the man for 14 hours as he slowly "died" without the machines. To this day my SO hates himself for that decision.

Every year for the past 7 years my SO has had something horrible happen. He has lost 5 family members to cancer and heart attack including the latest one this past week when his beloved Uncle whom he saw as a second father passed away to cancer.

Everything he has been through is hard and would change any man. I cannot fathom how he wakes up in the morning sometimes. It's no wonder that this past year he developed an issue with his heart where it beats irregularly--too hard sometimes. The doctors prescribed an anti-depressant to help combat it and sure enough it works! He has no heart issues, his chest doesn't hurt... but the medication has a horrible side effect.

My boyfriend has no libido. He is calm, able to go out in the world again but we have 0 sex life. Not that our sex life was amazing to begin with--depression and stress has a way of killing that for any couple I bet.

7 years ago when we got together he was a college student with big plans, we wanted to someday have children, we wanted to make a family together.

Today... I look in the mirror and I hate the woman I see because of the thoughts that come through my brain. The selfish things I feel. For 7 years I have held his hand, been the shoulder to cry on, the rock that stood by him. For 7 years I have tried to always be there for him and tried never to nag too much or put too much pressure on him. But after 7 years he's still in college because set-back after set-back has derailed his life. Now there is a chance that we may never, ever have children.

7 years later I still do not have a ring on my finger... and though he says that he wants to marry me "some day" I am losing hope that "some day" will be any day soon.

I still love him dearly, I still think he is a wonderful, funny and amazing man and who deserves all the happiness in the world but I am starting to feel that his happiness comes at the price of my own.

I wish I could claim that sex doesn't matter to me. I wish I could claim that my high libido would be satisfied with a disinterested partner who "tries" from time to time when I really beg him but it's not really what I want. I try to convince myself that I don't need children to have a fullfilling life or that there's time for such things but reality is setting in. Risk of complications in pregnancy go up after 35 and that number is fast approaching. I'm turning 28 this year.

Not only that but... my eye has begun to wander. I even once considered "cheating" on my boyfriend--a thought that once disgusted me and I thought I would never be capable of. Yet I cannot help but wonder the possibility that maybe, just maybe, if my libido was satisfied would the rest of it not seem to matter so much?

I know that on the rare occasion that my SO and I do have passionate sex that I am usually a lot calmer for a long while afterwards and a lot happier to boot. Without it... I'm like a repressed and caged animal trying to convince the world I'm tame and civilized.

Maybe I'm just a horrible person. I've tried to break up with my SO twice since last fall on the basis of being a horrible person with wicked, wicked thoughts. He's begged me not to go, made promises to do anything and everything I ask... yet no matter what he does he can't change who he is or our situation.

Maybe... this just wasn't meant to be? Or maybe I deserve to be an old cat lady in the forest for even thinking of cheating. Or to put such an emphasis on sex.
 

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Let that cat go.

Doesn't sound like he is in any hurry for self improvement. While I can see he has many strifes in the past years... Remind him that YOU went thru these with him. Either you both come out of it better as a stronger couple... Or.. He can decide to wallow in self pity with someone else playing his mother-replacement figure.
 

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Everyone has their problems that they have to deal with and it is how a person chooses to deal with those problems that makes them who they are. Despite having major surgery, losing 3 close relatives in a short several months, having a 'close to death' scare(blood clot), losing my job(laid off), and having many other things go wrong(car broke down/died, had to drop out of that semester of classes, etc.) I refuse to wallow in my own pity. Sure, I could think that life is so unfair and basically give up, but what good does that do anyone? My husband has always been supportive and I am so blessed because of that. Through it all, I can't forget that he has always been there for me and I tried my best to make sure he was happy during that crazy year of our life. It takes 2 people to make a relationship work and that means actively always working at the relationship. If he can't do that, for what ever reason, then what kind of relationship do you have? Is it worth giving up your dreams/goals of having a family? You want to be with someone who shares those same goals/dreams and will actively work with you to accomplish them. If he can't do that, then you may have to move on.

Personally, if I were you, I would set a timeline in my head about how long I would give him to see if things can change for the better(maybe a year?). If nothing changes, then move on.
 
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