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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am so sad and angry right now, I think that time has come for a divorce. He is gone, emotionally shut down. I cant reach him. I cant keep fighting just to feel rejected. I think I will wait till we get our income tax done and file.. It is so sad, I really cant imagine sitting down and tell my girls that there dad and I are getting a divorce, and that he is not coming back home...
I feel like I failed them.... I wanted them to have what I never had, two parents under one roof...
 

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One of my biggest goals growing up was to not end up divorced like my parents. My stbxw came from a family who's parents did stick together. In the end, one of her claims was that she "didn't want to end up like her parents". This comment doesn't register with me. What she doesn't realize is that her parents love each other more now than they ever did before, and that's because of the things they overcame.

Know that you aren't a failure.

Your kids will understand in the future.

Stay strong, be brave, and hang in there.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
It still hurts just to think about telling them. I feel like I have already hurt them when we told them he was moving out of our home. I wanted them to have better then I did. My marriage was very important to me. I went down fighting but I was fighting alone.
It just hurts after 10 years...
 

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A lot of literature out there about how to tell them. It won't be such a shock as he's already moved out. That's a plus. Better if you can tell them together... if you can both do that and make that moment about them and not you two.

Not their fault. Repeat.

You both love them and always will. Repeat.

Mom is always Mom. Dad is always Dad.

Nothing they can do to change it. Not their fault.

Have details about what will happen next. Structure.

Any feelings they have about it are ok. You have them too.

They can tell you anything or ask you anything. Always.
 

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It still hurts just to think about telling them. I feel like I have already hurt them when we told them he was moving out of our home. I wanted them to have better then I did. My marriage was very important to me. I went down fighting but I was fighting alone.
It just hurts after 10 years...
I'm sorry Lee. It does hurt. At least you can move forward knowing you gave everything you had to saving your marriage. Your kids will know that too.
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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I'm sorry Lee. It does hurt. At least you can move forward knowing you gave everything you had to saving your marriage. Your kids will know that too.
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I just hate this sick feeling when I think about it.
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I just hate this sick feeling when I think about it.
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yeap...me too. I can't wait to be able to 'think' about stuff...anything...and i don't 'feel sick'...to my stomach..I'm so tired of the queezy crap that comes with thoughts of what we are going through...I wish that stuff didn't happen to our bodies...it's taken a toll on mine big time...stress man...

ugh..:(
 

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ahh sorry lee.
l know , the kids side to , it's so hard , sickening , you feel your failing them and , how could they possibly understand.

i feel like i've failed , my wife , my daughter , and it was a lot about me and my actions to i admit it .
my wifes very hard to read , shes a yes when i mean no person and since we separated i've had so many mixed singles from her but today , she was different.
there was something missing in her and for the first time it felt possible we could end up the full hog to and divorced .
her singles are everywhere but at the end of the day she is in her rental and today well , it just seemed like that was her new life and she isn't going anywhere.

and so despite my emotional roller coaster , it feels over in her mind. so since that call a few hrs ago, like you maybe the d word is real . maybe we will be one of those after all and maybe my daughter really will spend the rest of her life house and parent hopping . i've failed yet infact i haven't lee , she has , just like he has .
i fd up yes but i didn't quit , i didn't walk , i wanted to repair us and go on to grow old together , like you .

we have failed , but we also haven't. it's not much help and i guess the outcome for our kids is just as sad and just the same and it is so sad . i really feel for you and us all lee.
 

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Lee101981,

You gave it a good fight, I know because I have been there right along side of you. I don't get it, your husband, my wife, and the many other's spouses that just give up or are undecided. How do they just give up and throw it all away? Like everything in the past was a great big lie. I keep telling myself this can't be happening, however I know it is.

It really messes with one's mind, body, and soul. Especially when you continue to give it everything you have and you continually get nothing in return.

I'm nearing my witts end as well. After witnessing a family's death and experiencing near death myself. I question why I'm wasting my energy on someone that acts like they could care less about me. Granted, I made mistakes, I made many, however does not everyone? I overlooked so much crap from my wife, yet she blames me for everything that is wrong in her life.

I'm not allowing this to bother me anymore. I know who I really am, just as you know who you really are. I know what I've done wrong and right. I also know the amount of energy I've put into our marriage, just like you, to only be snubbed over and over again.

It is painful to do things genuinely from your heart only to be treated as if it does not matter or it's not sincere; like someone could fake these gestures? Why waste the time?

You never failed, you did everything you could. He gave up, he shut you out, it is as simple as that. I know because I am struggling to accept my wife's "choice" to do the same. It is really hard to admit that we made a bad decision in the person we chose to marry, trust, and love. They are pathetic, weak, and took the easy way out.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Bryane,

I am tired of trying. I have been trying from the moment that he moved out in August. (6 months of Limbo) I have dont alot of things the wrong way but my intentions wer good. I have gone out of my way to show him my feelings and wants and needs and it just does not seem to matter. I have also given him space and he still does not know. I am dont being in Limbo it is not a good place for me... I was raised that if you want something bad enough you fight for it, you just dont sit back and wait for it to come to you. I am not crazy to think marriage is perfect. If I have 5 bad years out of 50 then so be it. Things change and people change but in a marriage you are suppost to change and grow together.. I have given him eveything and more... I am done. I have about 3 months till I can file... I am done with the rejection. In reality he has 3 months to decide on his own... Today I dropped the girls off at his office and he still has pictures of me up in his office--- kind of made me think....

I am tired of being in pain...
 

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Lee, I understand completely! You are preaching to the choir! I already shared with you my plans. I feel them same way in almost every aspect. Our spouses left us almost in the exact same uncertain terms. I beat myself up and blaimed myself for everything. I know that it takes two, however I still took the brunt of everything. I acknowledge my mistakes, she blames. I seek help, she hides. It is what is and it sucks!!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I have to admit I am strong willed person and I can take alot but there has to come a time where I no longer take what he is dishing out. I have taked responsibility for my actions and done everything in my power...but the rejection has to stop. I have two girls that I have to be strong for.. I want them to desire more then what I am getting....
 

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I agree, and I hope the best for you. I just walked in my home and my MIL is out walking the dog again. I can't wait to move!!! If I am to heal myself I need to cut all connections with her, It's to hard any other way. If we do end up divorced, she wants to be friends??? Who the hell wants to be friends with the person that destroyed you, lied to you, and betrayed you!!!
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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I agree, and I hope the best for you. I just walked in my home and my MIL is out walking the dog again. I can't wait to move!!! If I am to heal myself I need to cut all connections with her, It's to hard any other way. If we do end up divorced, she wants to be friends??? Who the hell wants to be friends with the person that destroyed you, lied to you, and betrayed you!!!
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Well, I will still have to see mine. I ran into my mother n law today and it was little weird, it's like what do I say. Just ready to move on and be in a better place. I am praying for some peace for you.
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Lee, I agree with you once again, without a doubt in my mind, I beleive divorce is only the answer in cases of abuse, abandonment, or infidelity. We have been abandoned by our spouses, only you know your limits. Six months is a long time to be left with no direction as to where your life is going and it is an extremely long time for your husband to be confused about where he stands without offering any input or effort towards a resolution.
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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
So This is my free weekend... I went out to dinner with my mother last night. Today I got my nails done, Had a lunch date with a friend, bought me a pair of cowgirl boots :) . Even made a stop by the bank and the grocery store... my youngest already called and said she wants to come home and spend time with me...
 

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I just never saw divorce as a way to fix things. To me it was never am option.
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I agree 110%, when I said my vows I meant mine, through the good and the bad times, commitment to that one person.

Seems every good time was made it through just fine but gawd forbid if there is a bad time the easiest way is taken and just leaving and walking out...

Marriage take TWO people, but it seems there's always that one that wants to do the right thing while the other can just shut down and forget everything. I don't understand how people can shut down on all the memories and all the time spent with that person. Of all the people in the world the two chose each other to marry, yet they have no problem just letting go...

You tried Lee, after everything is over atleast you can look back and say that you gave it your best. As for your kids they wont look at is as if you failed them, you only fail if there was no attempt, no trying, and just not caring and you don't match up to a single one of them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
I have been thinking about things and I have made it just to easy for him. He got to be free and still get to do family things... like decorate the tree and stuff... Not anymore....
 
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