[GregPeters]

Hi
I have a strong feeling my wife is having an emotional affair with her business partner. There are many issues that if I make 1+1 comes 2 but I don't know if this is my head or if this is true.

For sure my wife is clever to hide it but emotions are impossible to hide.

Recently we where together in a mall and she told me she is going to find a book in a book store, she went and after 5mins I also went to the book store to find a book for myself. I saw my wife and I wanted to make her a joke from her back I went behind her without she realised as soon I was approaching she took the phone a dialled this guy (I saw the screen of my wife phone) and started to speak with him. It was a really bad feeling for me its like she had a affair went away sitting in the cafe.

Then she came back to the cafe. She told me she stayed long because her sister called her. I secretly checked her call logs and the log did not showed the call log of this guy, so it is obvious she deleted it. She had a log of a call to her sister but it was Outgoing and 0 secs long..

I challenged her and told her she called this guy, when she went to find a book. She admitted it and started to tell me I am crazy bla, bla, bla

I told her I found it on her phone log (which is not true). She told me it was a business call and if she had something to hide she will delete the log. In fact that is what she did she deleted the log.

Why the heck she did so?

The next day she started to tell me I don't love her, I love her for her looks, I need to stop being jealous about this guy, She also look very sad.

I feel really hurt, really betrayed and I just cannot cope with this thing anymore.

 

[keko]

First thing don't ever confront your spouse with what little you know. If she is indeed having an affair, she will go underground and it'll be harder to track her. If she isn't than she will very likely build resentment towards you.

Which phone is she using? Does she text alot?

Has her daily routine changed? New clothes, perfume, coming back late from work, new hobbies, gym, etc.?

 

[Eli-Zor]

A few pointers.

Now she is aware your onto her she will take this underground.

She is pushing back as she knows you dont have enough hard evidence.
Get a VAR ( voice activated recorder) and place it in her car, strap it firmly so it does not shake lose.
Who's name is the phone in, If you have access to her account get hold of the logs from the mobile company.
Do you know the OM's wife , if not find out where they live and her contact number , you will need this later on.

For now you snoop, dig , pry, be calm, don't reveal your hand and bluff your way though the days ahead . Say nothing to your wife of the affair or discuss your relationship but get firmer evidence of the affair.

Read the newbie thread thread below:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[GregPeters]

A few pointers.

Now she is aware your onto her she will take this underground.

She is pushing back as she knows you dont have enough hard evidence.
Get a VAR ( voice activated recorder) and place it in her car, strap it firmly so it does not shake lose.
Who's name is the phone in, If you have access to her account get hold of the logs from the mobile company.
Do you know the OM's wife , if not find out where they live and her contact number , you will need this later on.

For now you snoop, dig , pry, be calm, don't reveal your hand and bluff your way though the days ahead . Say nothing to your wife of the affair or discuss your relationship but get firmer evidence of the affair.

Read the newbie thread thread below:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html
Posted via Mobile Device

I tried not to mention nothing but it was really difficult.
Actually I told her so she stop it before it goes further and if I find hard evidence I don't know if I can cope.

 

[Will_Kane]

she started to tell me I don't love her, I love her for her looks, I need to stop being jealous about this guy

Stop asking about this guy at all. Do not mention him again. Tell her you realize she's right, you were acting jealous, and you have no reason to be, because you know that, no matter what, she would never, ever cheat on you.

Start to tell her how much you love her, and not just because she's the best-looking woman in the world to you. Tell her how kind she is, how considerate, how smart, what a great personality she has. Start doing this a lot. At least every morning and every night.

This should do two things. Get her guard down so you can catch her slipping up to get more evidence. And make her feel guilty.

As for yourself, show your wife only your positive side. Look your best at all times. Avoid arguments. Exude confidence. Act happy. Do not let her see you moping around, sad, depressed, whining, being needy.

 

[jnj express]

As has already been said---you need to gather evidence, printed out evidence, recorded evidence---before you ever confront again

When you have solid evidence, and are then ready to confront---then you come here, and ask how to confront----you will be told by the various posters, how to confront

It is very hard to contain yourself, when you have a pretty good idea/evidence, your wife is cheating---but this has to be done the right way

Your wife is now starting to demonize you, as a way for her to justify her cheating---this is all part of the drill, just watch, investigate, and stay strong---do not act like a puppydog

 

[bryanp]

If the roles were reversed how would your wife be acting? She is already justifying her current or potential affair by telling you you want her only for her looks and that you don't love her. This is typical of a cheater.

Make it clear to her what it will mean if she continues to have an emotional or physical affair. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. Good luck.

 

[Complexity]

She's trying to guilt trip you, don't buy that BS. Follow Eli-Zor's advice.

 

[Entropy3000]

Hi
I have a strong feeling my wife is having an emotional affair with her business partner. There are many issues that if I make 1+1 comes 2 but I don't know if this is my head or if this is true.

For sure my wife is clever to hide it but emotions are impossible to hide.

Recently we where together in a mall and she told me she is going to find a book in a book store, she went and after 5mins I also went to the book store to find a book for myself. I saw my wife and I wanted to make her a joke from her back I went behind her without she realised as soon I was approaching she took the phone a dialled this guy (I saw the screen of my wife phone) and started to speak with him. It was a really bad feeling for me its like she had a affair went away sitting in the cafe.

Then she came back to the cafe. She told me she stayed long because her sister called her. I secretly checked her call logs and the log did not showed the call log of this guy, so it is obvious she deleted it. She had a log of a call to her sister but it was Outgoing and 0 secs long..

I challenged her and told her she called this guy, when she went to find a book. She admitted it and started to tell me I am crazy bla, bla, bla

I told her I found it on her phone log (which is not true). She told me it was a business call and if she had something to hide she will delete the log. In fact that is what she did she deleted the log.

Why the heck she did so?

The next day she started to tell me I don't love her, I love her for her looks, I need to stop being jealous about this guy, She also look very sad.

I feel really hurt, really betrayed and I just cannot cope with this thing anymore.

Yup. There are three people in your marriage now. She is in an EA.

Since ultimately she will have to break with him or you have lost her, how can that happen? How can she cut the partner out of her life.

This situation was a dangerous one of course.

 

[Beowulf]

Greg,

How do you know its just an EA? If they are business partners are you so certain they haven't become physical already? Listen to Eli-Zor. His advice is sound. When a person is having an affair they are in a fantasy world. Nothing you say can reach them. You need hard evidence that they can't blow off in order to bring them back into reality. Then you can confront and go through the steps to try to save your marriage...if you want to. Stay calm and follow the advice given here.

 

[the guy]

GET A VAR ASAP!!!!!!!!

Sorry for shouting,but by far this tool is the most effective way to confirm your wife loyality. So please stop getting emotionally ripped off and do the investigation that will confirms your wife commitment to the marriage.

Do this investigation quitely, b/c if she is doing you wrong she will lie about it so she "doesn't hurt you".

Thats the thing here all the newbie think they now there spouse so well but when it come to affairs it is a big time game changer and deniel is a bug part of masking the pain of the unthinkable.

So please guitely do your own investigation so that you can protect your self from continuely getting emotioanaly ripped off.

The more information you have the better the confrontation will be. Keep in mind she was almost caught so she will cool it down, but like any addiction she will not beable to stay away.

I suggest you find out as much as you can about the OM (other man) if he has a GF or wife then exposure will help make this affair inconvienent to continue.


The name of the game *next* is getting OM out of the picture and validating a no contact.

#1) gather undeniable proof and knowledge of affair partner
#2) expose affair to OMW
#3) confront WW calmly with confidence and no begging for the marraige.

 

[the guy]

The cequence between #2) and #3) are conflicting for some at TAM b/c often the betrayed is scared of making things worse and pushing the wayward furture away.

The point to this sequence is to 1) make the affair as inconvienent and as uncomfortable as possible and 2) push the wayward away. See your wife will come back at you with " how could you" and " i would have worked things out" Your response after getting a bunch of crap from your wayward is " what makes you think I want you right now".

See its this confidence the betrayed must have to chnage the balance of power towards the betrayed. The wayward is already gone at this point...IMHO.


After exposing to OMW she should be on her knees begging you not to tell any one else, like her kids and/or her mom and/or dad.

But the reality is the betrayed are so weak its easy for the balance of power to favor the wayward.


HAPPY EASTER EVERYBODY