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Go through this forum and seek out all of the stories of wives leaving the marriage for EXACTLY the same reasons as you (there are thousands). Make sure they include the part about the husband not realizing it and being FLOORED when they find out. Be sure you include stories where it is obvious the marriage is over and the wife is gone for good.

Print them. Hand them to him. Have him read them. Then hand him yours, and when he's finished reading it, tell him it's you and you have one step out the door.

If he doesn't show improvement and a desire to change IMMEDIATELY, put a shot across his bow. Leave and go dark. Hit him with the divorce papers while you're gone (they can be taken back).

I haven't started any threads on the subject, but I have posted A LOT about how my wife's kick to the nuts got me to change immediately. Unfortunately for my marriage, that kick came too late and my wife had already checked out, never to return.

If you want to fix it, you need to scare the crap out of him. Talking will do nothing. You've tried that already, right? He knows what his issues are, but there have been no consequences. Show him the consequences.

If you want to leave, just leave. It's probably best anyhow (you will get plenty of "he's an abuser and abusers never change" posts soon). But if you want to fix your marriage, you need to tear it down first. Make him REALLY think it's over. It'll be hard, but it's the ONLY way to do it.
 

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I better not make him too angry because I don't want him to leave me because I need the combined income just now.
Bulls.h.i.t! You're making excuses. MAKE HIM angry. Then grab that bag and leave like we just talked about. He'll get the message. Loud and clear. No kids? You don't need ANY income to leave him. You can come back. You need to make him know what he's doing to his marriage. I told you it will be hard. There is no easy way out of this. If you want to fix it, get mean.
 
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