Interesting turn of events (sorry, this is long) Last night I went to the gym, and got there a little before the class. So I went down to run a mile or two on the treadmill. I saw my friend working out with her trainer. They were laughing a bit together and were doing some exercises. I started my run and didn’t notice her again until she tapped me on the arm and said “hi” to me. I would describe her mood as almost giddy. She then went into the ladies locker room and came out a few minutes later, only to go to the private room the trainers use. She went in to apparently grab her purse, and ran upstairs. I thought that was kind of odd, but anyway.
I decided to skip her class and continue my run and noticed the trainer guy working with another client. After the hour was up, I went upstairs looking for my wife, and she and another girl were talking to my friend. I walked over to them and asked her if her husband was picking her up from class. She asked why, and I said because I wanted to ask him something. In reality, I was just going to ask him to lunch as our offices are very close to one another. But I also wanted to see how she’d react to that question. She said sort of nervously, “oh yes, he’s right outside.” Then she said goodnight and ran back downstairs. I went outside, and there was no sign of him, so I went back in to the gym.
My wife was just leaving and (since we drive separately) we arranged to meet at home. My friend returned w/out her coat (we live in the NE and its cold now) and I said “Are you sure he’s here?” I looked out there and didn’t see him?” she acted surprised and then called him. He was supposedly on his way. After she hung up she started to quiz me about wanting to see him. So I said “oh, nothing big…just wanted to ask him something.” Then she pressed me “Is everything okay? What’s going on?” I finally decided to tell her I just wanted to see if he’d like to grab lunch sometime. She seemed very relieved, then asked me again if there was “anything wrong?” I said I was fine…and then she spilled it.
It came like floodwaters: Her marriage has sucked since 2008. They argue all the time. It’s affecting their daughter at home and with their nanny. She doesn’t sleep with him anymore; she sleeps in her daughter’s room. The only reason she’s in this marriage now is because of her daughter. She kept saying he was a good guy and she loved him, but began to detail his personality faults. How he hates living here, his low self-esteem, his lack of friends…how he ruined her office holiday party for her. Just an avalanche of info. I was on my heels.
I knew some of their issues, but not all of this. She apologized for dropping it on me. Over and over again.
My cynical side thought this was simply more smokescreen to justify the behavior she thought I witnessed. We went on talking and said “you’re the only person other than your wife and my girlfriend I’ve told this to.” Maybe I’m gullible, but she seemed sincere and if all of this is happening, her marriage is indeed a mess. I asked her if she spoke openly to him about it all, so he had a chance to change or alter his behavior, if the goal was to work this out. She danced around the answer a bit and said she was doing a lot by herself to occupy her time. She seemed to be saying she wanted to wait until her daughter got a little older, but said “she loves her daddy so much.” Then she mentioned “teaching classes and training.” At this point I noticed her trainer hanging around behind us. I asked how that was going and she said “great, he’s my friend too and I can talk to him, too.” I immediately see the red flag. If they haven’t started yet an EA, it’s on the horizon. So, I tell her she needs to deal with the issues at home and not ignore them, they’ll only get worse. Then I threw in “and protect yourself. You’re vulnerable now and not everyone is going to look out for your best interests.” She seemed to get what I was hinting at, but we know how that goes. People will do what they want to do.
She then asked me to still go to lunch with her hubby because “maybe you can get through to him somehow…but please don’t mention what I told you.” She reiterated she thinks her husband is attractive, funny, and her “best friend in the world.” Then said “I could be with other men, but I’d never do that while I was with him. But I just want to do what’s best for me and my daughter.” My friend then said she was going to go back downstairs to get her coat and said “he’s here, want to meet out at the car?” So I said “yes.” As I walked out, I noticed the trainer asked her how her class went and proceeded to follow her down the stairs. I walked outside and a few minutes later she came out. Fact is, when she walked up to the car, she looked frightened and said to her husband “I’m sorry I missed your calls, I was talking to James (me).” I said “Yea, I was in there talking her ears off. My fault.” I made plans with him for lunch next week, and said goodbye to her. She looked wary about getting in the car with him.
Honestly, I don’t know that she’s started anything physical with the trainer yet, but obviously she’s prime for it with all the major issues in her marriage. Emotionally, they’re likely connecting already. He wasn’t going anywhere until she left the building. He’s working this as best he can.
Honestly, don’t know what to do here. She confided a lot in me, but I know it’s only one side of the story. Meanwhile, this guy stands by licking his chops. I don’t want to cross any lines here. Oy. Maybe it’s time for me to just butt out of it all.