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Be sure a VAR is legal where you live... be prepared that any discovery of a snooping device will likely end the relationship as well.

How would you see recovering trust again if all the answers do not come?

This is really your hurdle...
 

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Sorry you're going through this.

Tragically many common actions from your thread are common in a relationship when one SO is cheating or trying to.

If you two bought a house together, how would you work out the selling or splitting finances, in a worst case scenario?

Not saying things are definite by any means but if one has worked out foundational items even if in what if circumstances - it helps when having the tough conversations with SO.

You may have to start watching out for you own future, just in case.

Best of luck!
 

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Thankfully you aren't married to her yet, so you can get out of this relatively easily.

With respect to the infidelity, a little more investigation might be in order, but the bottom line is that she was out at a queer bar and brought home someone's phone number. It doesn't sound like she is as committed to you as you are to her. Have you had the monogamy discussion and have you both agreed to it? Or are you open?

Are her complaints of you being needy accurate? Would you consider yourself normally insecure? Clingy?

If not, it doesn't sound like you are being treated respectfully in this relationship...or at least the way you think you should be treated. And if this treatment has being going on for some time, perhaps she isn't the right woman for you.
 

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The only thing I can think of is maybe she is feeling the pressure of a pending marriage/lifetime commitment and that is causing her great concern - the last sexual partner, forever.
 

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Discussion Starter #26 (Edited)
Hey guys, just wanted to update as I hate threads where the OP goes MIA.

Long story short - we’ve broken up. Her heart clearly wasn’t in it and I caught her in another lie a few weeks after my last message. It’s been three weeks till D-Day and I saw on social media a picture of her with the girl she met in in the other city - so she did cheat.

She denied it vehemently but that’s ok as her word doesn’t mean anything anymore as she had proven herself to be deceitful.

We are now in the process of starting the house sale. She is being difficult over that so am on course for a tough few months.

Although I have zero regret about ending the relationship (no choice, she wouldn’t admit to lying or agree to work on the relationship), I just don’t know how I could ever trust anyone again to the level where I would get engaged or buy property.

I know I will heal and people go on to have second marriages that are successful but life has proven to me that you can feel 100% certainty for someone and go all in emotionally and financially - and then they can just change their mind about you. There are no guarantees in life. I don’t know what I am supposed to do with that lesson.

I am seeing a therapist, catching up with friends, eating healthily and exercising. But life is just grim at the moment - every day is a struggle and I barely sleep except when dosed up on Ambien. I feel like such a cliche. Variations of this story have been told one thousand times and but this one is happening to me and it feels so painful.
 

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Hey guys, just wanted to update as I hate threads where the OP goes MIA.

Long story short - we’ve broken up. Her heart clearly wasn’t in it and I caught her in another lie a few weeks after my last message. It’s been three weeks till D-Day and I saw on social media a picture of her with the girl she met in in the other city - so she did cheat.

She denied it vehemently but that’s ok as her word doesn’t mean anything anymore as she had proven herself to be deceitful.

We are now in the process of starting the house sale. She is being difficult over that so am on course for a tough few months.

Although I have zero regret about ending the relationship (no choice, she wouldn’t admit to lying or agree to work on the relationship), I just don’t know how I could ever trust anyone again to the level where I would get engaged or buy property.

I know I will heal and people go on to have second marriages that are successful but life has proven to me that you can feel 100% certainty for someone and go all in emotionally and financially - and then they can just change their mind about you. There are no guarantees in life. I don’t know what I am supposed to do with that lesson.

I am seeing a therapist, catching up with friends, eating healthily and exercising. But life is just grim at the moment - every day is a struggle and I barely sleep except when dosed up on Ambien. I feel like such a cliche. Variations of this story have been told one thousand times and but this one is happening to me and it feels so painful.

@Learning and trying Thanks for the update. Sorry she proved to be untrustworthy and not deserving of your love.

But it's probably you found out about her cheating now, rather than years down the line.

And make sure you have a good solicitor/lawyer/attorney or whatever they call them where you live. Don't let her get away with one penny more than she deserves. She's already proved herself to be untrustworthy, so watch out. Not saying she will, but do be cautious.

We'll be here for you. Stick around, if you want. There's the Social Section for fun and frivolity, too. :)
 

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Hey guys, just wanted to update as I hate threads where the OP goes MIA.

Long story short - we’ve broken up. Her heart clearly wasn’t in it and I caught her in another lie a few weeks after my last message. It’s been three weeks till D-Day and I saw on social media a picture of her with the girl she met in in the other city - so she did cheat.

She denied it vehemently but that’s ok as her word doesn’t mean anything anymore as she had proven herself to be deceitful.

We are now in the process of starting the house sale. She is being difficult over that so am on course for a tough few months.

Although I have zero regret about ending the relationship (no choice, she wouldn’t admit to lying or agree to work on the relationship), I just don’t know how I could ever trust anyone again to the level where I would get engaged or buy property.

I know I will heal and people go on to have second marriages that are successful but life has proven to me that you can feel 100% certainty for someone and go all in emotionally and financially - and then they can just change their mind about you. There are no guarantees in life. I don’t know what I am supposed to do with that lesson.

I am seeing a therapist, catching up with friends, eating healthily and exercising. But life is just grim at the moment - every day is a struggle and I barely sleep except when dosed up on Ambien. I feel like such a cliche. Variations of this story have been told one thousand times and but this one is happening to me and it feels so painful.
You have made the right decision. If your ex were honest she would move heaven and earth to prove nothing ever happened, not obfuscate and throw in the towel.

Although it may not feel like it now ending it now is easier than years down the line. Consider yourself lucky that she showed her true colors early and that you were steadfast in not tolerating her cheating nonsense.

Rest, clear your head, steady yourself and move on. You will meet someone worthy of your attention. Not everyone cheats. Surround yourself with those that don't.

As she is making things difficult selling your joint property perhaps just let an attorney handle it. You will not have to see her or be in contact with her and she can waste her own money on her own attorney's fees being difficult. Rising attorneys fees should cure her of obstinance rather quickly.
 
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