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2 Posts
Hi,
The story thus far :
My ex GF and I met in school and we continued to have a good relationship for 7 years. We are both from India and belong to different religions me being a Hindu and she Christian and evangelical at that. Over the past year she has has been put under severe pressure by her family to date and marry a christian man, this is how it goes with Indian families , family honor and all.
She initially resisted but she gave in and agreed to "court" this guy, its basically dating while the family chaperons, I did not know about this for 3 months and once i started suspecting i confronted her and she said she was sorry and she said she did go out with him while not informing me but she didn't trust him so she came back to me. I was too angry to care and i tried to break it off, but after a while it dawned on me that i will be able to forgive her and we tried to patch up but she has already given into a hopelessness and bitterness.
During one of out meets she told me why she didn't trust the guy, apparently a married woman works with him sent her an email stating that he had been sleeping with her for a couple of years and she asked my ex-gf not to trust him. He vehemently denied all this.
Now this past week he managed to convince her folks and asked her hand in marriage and she said yes and is engaged. I am of-course quite devastated but i cant shake this nagging feeling that she is throwing her life away. She hasn't told anyone in her family about his affair with the married woman and being Evangelical she believes that since he took a second baptism he is reformed somehow. She also has low self esteem and equates her courting him behind my back to his sleeping with a married woman.
I cannot convince her to take a second look and not go ahead with the marriage, there are so many things she doesn't understand such as he could have STDs and he could possibly cheat in the future.
I am very worried for her and i don't want her to throw away her life i don't know what my options are here but since she has told only me about his nature and not anybody else it bothers me. I am completely cognizant of the fact that I am still in love with her but even if she doesn't come back to me i am not sure what i can do to help her. I am considering hiring a PI to whet this guy out but i need advice on whether i am going too far.
Should i just tell her brother or somebody from her family and get it over with? I know deep in me I fear she will never be with me if i do this but I think I can over come that fear. Or should not meddle and convince myself that its none of my business since its the couple's problem to figure it out. I am torn
The story thus far :
My ex GF and I met in school and we continued to have a good relationship for 7 years. We are both from India and belong to different religions me being a Hindu and she Christian and evangelical at that. Over the past year she has has been put under severe pressure by her family to date and marry a christian man, this is how it goes with Indian families , family honor and all.
She initially resisted but she gave in and agreed to "court" this guy, its basically dating while the family chaperons, I did not know about this for 3 months and once i started suspecting i confronted her and she said she was sorry and she said she did go out with him while not informing me but she didn't trust him so she came back to me. I was too angry to care and i tried to break it off, but after a while it dawned on me that i will be able to forgive her and we tried to patch up but she has already given into a hopelessness and bitterness.
During one of out meets she told me why she didn't trust the guy, apparently a married woman works with him sent her an email stating that he had been sleeping with her for a couple of years and she asked my ex-gf not to trust him. He vehemently denied all this.
Now this past week he managed to convince her folks and asked her hand in marriage and she said yes and is engaged. I am of-course quite devastated but i cant shake this nagging feeling that she is throwing her life away. She hasn't told anyone in her family about his affair with the married woman and being Evangelical she believes that since he took a second baptism he is reformed somehow. She also has low self esteem and equates her courting him behind my back to his sleeping with a married woman.
I cannot convince her to take a second look and not go ahead with the marriage, there are so many things she doesn't understand such as he could have STDs and he could possibly cheat in the future.
I am very worried for her and i don't want her to throw away her life i don't know what my options are here but since she has told only me about his nature and not anybody else it bothers me. I am completely cognizant of the fact that I am still in love with her but even if she doesn't come back to me i am not sure what i can do to help her. I am considering hiring a PI to whet this guy out but i need advice on whether i am going too far.
Should i just tell her brother or somebody from her family and get it over with? I know deep in me I fear she will never be with me if i do this but I think I can over come that fear. Or should not meddle and convince myself that its none of my business since its the couple's problem to figure it out. I am torn
