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Discussion Starter #1
I am looking for some serious advice here. After being "The Nice Guy" as described on various threads for 15 years in marriage, I now am starting to consider all of that going down the drain.

So much so, that when I texted her yesterday that I might be moving out (yeah, didn't have the courage to initiate a one-on-one conversation) and that she should let me know how much money she is going to need on a monthly basis (I am still going to be paying the mortgage, car and tuition) she at first responded with "Whatever you are comfortable with"

However, I persisted with my request to "please pick a number" and she has ignored to respond - What am I supposed to make of this?

More importantly, I am still not completely inclined to call it quits just yet.... While she has displayed totally irrational behavior, she is now also totally cold and emotion-less - I am not even sure if anything is going on inside of her at all...

What are the sure shot tell-tales signs for me to figure out if there's any love left at all for me to try and salvage this marriage?
 

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What are the sure shot tell-tales signs for me to figure out if there's any love left at all for me to try and salvage this marriage?
When you texted her that you might be moving out and wanted to discuss support, and she responded with a simple "Whatever you are comfortable with", that was your "sure shot tell-tale sign".

Seems pretty over to me.
 

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Why are you still paying? Why are you moving out?
 

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When you texted her that you might be moving out and wanted to discuss support, and she responded with a simple "Whatever you are comfortable with", that was your "sure shot tell-tale sign".

Seems pretty over to me.
hmm, and I have no recourse or a way for her to realize how big of an idiot she is being for shoving this marriage down the toilet and making our daughter (13) go through this hell of separation just because she refuses to be reasonable herself?
 

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Why are you still paying? Why are you moving out?
Because she doesn't really have any skills that she can support herself with.

They are my family, they will starve if I don't support/pay ..... Can't just ask them to leave/get out!

AND, I am moving out because I can't constantly live in this misery day in and day out!
 

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Well, until there are consequences for her cruelness and bad behavior, it will never end.

So..move out and pay for her. Nothing will change.
 

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hmm, and I have no recourse or a way for her to realize how big of an idiot she is being for shoving this marriage down the toilet and making our daughter (13) go through this hell of separation just because she refuses to be reasonable herself?
You can't change her. You can't make her stay anywhere she doesn't want to be, or see how idiotic you think she's being for shoving this marriage down the toilet.

It sounds like she's finished. The person who sounds like they're having a problem calling it quits is you.
 

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Because she doesn't really have any skills that she can support herself with.

They are my family, they will starve if I don't support/pay ..... Can't just ask them to leave/get out!

AND, I am moving out because I can't constantly live in this misery day in and day out!
That's not your problem anymore. And as long as you continue to make it your problem, you are trapped.
 

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Because she doesn't really have any skills that she can support herself with.

They are my family, they will starve if I don't support/pay ..... Can't just ask them to leave/get out!

AND, I am moving out because I can't constantly live in this misery day in and day out!
I went through this same thing, and because I'm a former "nice guy" (not anymore), I didn't separate our finances and set limits right away after separation, she ended up spending over $100k of my money, and that was before the courts and lawyers financially raped me.

Take it from some one who's been there before. The moment you separate, cut off the money. That will force her to negotiate with you to reach a settlement.

I know you love your wife and kid, and being unkind is the hardest thing for you to do, but you have to look out for your own needs too.
 

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AND, I am moving out because I can't constantly live in this misery day in and day out!
Whatever is going on with her, you are the one making the choice to leave. I think you want her to beg you to stay & I understand this because you love her & have a teenager - a very difficult time for her when parents split up.

Maybe you leaving is exactly the wake-up call she needs. Only give her enough money for food & shelter & give your daughter money that she needs for school, etc. on the side.

You don't have to divorce until you are ready to.
 

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In cases like this, the most helpful advice would be to get into time limited marital therapy. The goal of the therapy would not necessarily be to save the marriage, but to clarify whether there is any hope for the marriage. It may be a way to open up underlying issues in the relationship, and get a more clear sense of what is going on. David Olsen, PHD, LMFT
 
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