I think it's time for Therapy

1271 Views 15 Replies 6 Participants Last post by turnera, Oct 15, 2012

matman

Discussion Starter · Oct 15, 2012

So I logged in here this morning to post another crazy story and realized as i read my posts it's all about control. Last night she would literally not allow us to discuss a problem without it being "harrassment" because she didn't want to talk about it. And will not discuss it it will go unresolved i guarantee. which she says is grounds for her to call the police. Anyways long story short rather than attempt to solve this by posting here, I want to convince her to go to therapy. She hates it because she feels she has no role in this marriages problems. It's all me so as soon as they bring up anything she may have done, the **** hits the fan for me once we get home and it's just all tears in the therapists office.

I'd be open to alternatives as well. I somehow believe someone coming to our house would be ideal as it removes a whole step. Thoughts? I love her to pieces still but man....

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Toffer

· #2 · Oct 15, 2012

Police? Really?

Regardless of which way you go, this should be of great concern to you.

I would caution you to keep some sort of recording device on you at all times (in your pocket or where ever) because if she even accuses you of touching her, the cops will remove you from the home.

Protect yourself and good luck

Reactions: 1

Chris Taylor

· #3 · Oct 15, 2012

I'd tell her that YOU are going and if she doesn't want to go, go alone to show you are serious about fixing your marriage.

You will learn (a) how to live with the way she is, (b) ways to help change her or (c) ways to leave the marriage.

matman

Discussion Starter · #4 · Oct 15, 2012

Toffer said:
Police? Really?

Regardless of which way you go, this should be of great concern to you.

I would caution you to keep some sort of recording device on you at all times (in your pocket or where ever) because if she even accuses you of touching her, the cops will remove you from the home.

Protect yourself and good luck

Problem is about 3 years ago before I'd been through therapy and reformed myself I pushed her during an argument cops were called and so she knows if they are ever called again they will haul me so fast and we'd lose everything. So she uses the police thing (pulls out her phone etc etc) anytime she needs a leg up and I have to back down. I can't risk it.
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turnera

· #5 · Oct 15, 2012

The first thing you need to do is read No More Mr Nice Guy. Order it today.

Reactions: 1

turnera

· #6 · Oct 15, 2012

matman said:
Problem is about 3 years ago before I'd been through therapy and reformed myself I pushed her during an argument cops were called and so she knows if they are ever called again they will haul me so fast and we'd lose everything. So she uses the police thing (pulls out her phone etc etc) anytime she needs a leg up and I have to back down. I can't risk it.
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Maybe. Or YOU could call them first.

Or, you could just leave the room. She can't blame you if you aren't even there.

Chris Taylor

· #7 · Oct 15, 2012

Definitely start recording conversations. If you have an iPhone (maybe other smart phones, too), you can use the "record a voice memo" feature to record your conversations.

Start as early as you can in the conversation.

Reactions: 1

Ten_year_hubby

· #8 · Oct 15, 2012

matman said:
Last night she would literally not allow us to discuss a problem without it being "harrassment" because she didn't want to talk about it
I want to convince her to go to therapy. She hates it because she feels she has no role in this marriages problems.

I'd be open to alternatives as well. I somehow believe someone coming to our house would be ideal as it removes a whole step. Thoughts? I love her to pieces still but man....

Go to therapy on your own. Get your own self together, take care of your end of things. If you can't engage her in a healthy manner for whatever reason, leave her be. Believe me, as you grow and start taking responsibility for yourself and owning your stuff, she will see herself being left behind

Dad&Hubby

· #9 · Oct 15, 2012

matman said:
Problem is about 3 years ago before I'd been through therapy and reformed myself I pushed her during an argument cops were called and so she knows if they are ever called again they will haul me so fast and we'd lose everything. So she uses the police thing (pulls out her phone etc etc) anytime she needs a leg up and I have to back down. I can't risk it.
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Uhmmmm....So this woman LITERALLY threatens with getting you thrown into jail simply to win an argument? Really?!?!

Just to rephrase that
"Honey I think you did XYZ wrong, I don't agree with it"
<whips out cell phone> "You know I'm right, I'll call the cops if you don't agree"

Uhhhhh and you're thinking therapy is the fix. Restraining order and Divorce.

Her behavior is SO FAR from a marriage. Normal people wouldn't even do that to a STRANGER, which means you're worse than a stranger to her...So there's (normally) the following in order of importance. Where are you on the list?

1. Spouse / Kids
2. Immediate Family
3. Friends / Extended Family
4. Acquaintances
5. Strangers
6. Enemies

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matman

Discussion Starter · #10 · Oct 15, 2012

Dad&Hubby said:
Uhmmmm....So this woman LITERALLY threatens with getting you thrown into jail simply to win an argument? Really?!?!

Just to rephrase that
"Honey I think you did XYZ wrong, I don't agree with it"
<whips out cell phone> "You know I'm right, I'll call the cops if you don't agree"

Uhhhhh and you're thinking therapy is the fix. Restraining order and Divorce.

Her behavior is SO FAR from a marriage. Normal people wouldn't even do that to a STRANGER, which means you're worse than a stranger to her...So there's (normally) the following in order of importance. Where are you on the list?

1. Spouse / Kids
2. Immediate Family
3. Friends / Extended Family
4. Acquaintances
5. Strangers
6. Enemies

But if you've read my other posts you can kind of see how I sort of deserve it. I can at least understand where it's coming from despite its extreme nature. Scratch the deserve I don't deserve it but I do understand it. I agree it's crazy but I also think the approach of getting some help myself is important. I keep hearing about this book what's it about?
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turnera

· #11 · Oct 15, 2012

Did you order the book NMMNG yet? You can read a blurb about it.

turnera

· #12 · Oct 15, 2012

Basically it teaches you that you are a man, and you should act like one, and stop letting a woman emasculate you.

That women don't WANT men who act like they are emasculated (beta males). It teaches you how to go back to being an alpha male, which are the only kind that women respect, like, and want. (and won't abuse)

Reactions: 1

matman

Discussion Starter · #13 · Oct 15, 2012

turnera said:
Basically it teaches you that you are a man, and you should act like one, and stop letting a woman emasculate you.

That women don't WANT men who act like they are emasculated (beta males). It teaches you how to go back to being an alpha male, which are the only kind that women respect, like, and want. (and won't abuse)

Ill grab it from the library. Isn't the alpha male stigma usually negative?
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turnera

· #14 · Oct 15, 2012

lol

Not in THIS setting.

matman

Discussion Starter · #15 · Oct 15, 2012

Thank you all. I appreciate it. I definetly do go through my day trying to win approval from my wife which upon reading some about no more mr nice guy it appears is common
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turnera

· #16 · Oct 15, 2012

And deadly for your marriage.

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