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Greetings!

I have been married for almost 10 years now. My husband and I have been together for about 15. I don't enjoy being involved in a lot of drama so I tend to stay away from social interaction. I'm a pretty easy going woman for the most part. I don't judge people and I try to deal with things rationally. So making friends is not an issue. But I do have a tendency to go long periods of time without communicating with anyone. That always causes problems. Especially among other women.

Ah well...since I'm not very good at maintaining friendships I figured I could get advice about married life here. Maybe I could be of help to some people as well. Who knows?
 

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Actually, there is a difference between an introvert (who derive energy from being alone) and just not liking people. My ex said he was the former, but really he was the latter with a side order of social awkwardness. He felt inept, so he called it "drama."

I can relate to the periods of no communication though. I have periods where I just need some isolation even though I enjoy people. Sometimes I just need to think and process. Thankfully my close friends are understanding.

Is your husband understanding of your introversion?
 

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Actually, there is a difference between an introvert (who derive energy from being alone) and just not liking people. My ex said he was the former, but really he was the latter with a side order of social awkwardness. He felt inept, so he called it "drama."

I can relate to the periods of no communication though. I have periods where I just need some isolation even though I enjoy people. Sometimes I just need to think and process. Thankfully my close friends are understanding.

Is your husband understanding of your introversion?
My husband doesn't mind. He's actually pretty much the same as I am when it comes to socializing. He generally gets along very well with people, but never has any intention of developing and maintaining friendships with anyone.

I only say I might be an introvert because being by myself is usually what I prefer. But I have no problem being sociable and having a good time with people around me. I was more outgoing when I was younger. I didn't like drama then either and I would always try to avoid it, but I craved social interaction more then. So I would put up with the things I didn't like just to be able to hang out and have fun with different people. I was lucky enough to make some good friends early on and 20 years later I can still call a few of them true friends.

I do have a few close friends and some family members that understand my periods of isolation. Sometimes they get bothered by it and I wish they wouldn't.
 

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I am an introvert and everyone tends to make you feel that there is something wrong with you. Google a book called "A Party of One". It explains that there is nothing wrong with us. We just prefer to avoid the drama and obligations that come with a lot of friends. We get to do what we want to get, when we want it. We do not have to compromise and see the movie that the groups wants to see. No one calls me to help them move their furniture or attend their kid's birthday party when I want to do something else. I am content and happy with my own company. My hobbies are those that I can do alone. I like to learn and read and live life as I want to.

That life included relocating 13 times so I got to experience different parts of the country. I visited 21 countries and did it without a tour group telling me what to see and when. I love being able to do what I want. When I do show up for a social event, the host knows that I really want to be there and not doing it out of any obligation or to make sure they come to my social event next month. Everyone likes me because I am not involved in their lives or petty disputes. I get to live a life I designed myself. Often when in a group you tend to stay at their level rather than risk rising above them out of fear of losing them as friends. I was able to grow as a person and not worry about what my old friends would think of me.

I will end this by saying that this introvert is married 46 years, earned in the top 5% of the US, travelled the world and lived a non traditional life doing what my wife and I wanted to do. My wife and I shared a girlfriend for most of our marriage and did not care what anyone thought. We were happy and in love with one another. We did not let a house, neighborhood, friends or family influence what we did and where we lived. Our life has been so fantastic that the few people we call friends that are scattered around the country, say I should write a book. We had lots of adventures and I rarely felt that I had to do something I did not want to do. I did not join clubs because I want to do things my way. Yet I gave speeches, lectures, and consulted to government both here and abroad. I was an alternate U.N. Advisor so I was not anti social. I just like to do things that I want to do. My job enabled me to take on the projects I like and reject those of no interest. My wife often attended events and social gatherings without me and did not complain. Of course if it was important that I attend, I did but most times not.

So be who you want to be and be happy. There is nothing wrong with you. You just like the freedom that comes with being an introvert. It is only a problem if it is causing YOU a problem. Don't let society tell you what is normal because I never did and I have had the best marriage and life of all of our friends and family. Of interest is that introverts tend to have high IQs. That is the case for me and a few other introverts I have met in my lifetime. I am not interested in small talk and most are not interested in discussing the complex technological or psychological things I enjoy. My wife keeps telling me that I read too much as if that is a bad thing. She is like many and wants to just believe what she believes whether true or not. She does not want to know why she is like she is or why people behave as they do. She had no idea of how most of the things she uses everyday works. Ask someone to explain what electricity is for example or why they need to breather in oxygen. Most tell me it is so they can live.

Anyway, I have had a fun, loving and interesting life as an introvert/loner. My friends' lives are filled with driving their kids from one place to another, living from paycheck to paycheck and letting those around them point them into the direction of their life. I like to make life bend to my will and so far I have been pretty successful at it. At times it is a little spooky how things go my way most of the time. Even bad things end up being good in the long run. Enjoy yourself as you are the only one who knows you better than anyone else. You do not need others for fun. I have lots of fun on my own. I am married too and my wife is used to me as are her friends and my family. I do not care what they think for they do not affect my life in any way. :)
 

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My husband doesn't mind. He's actually pretty much the same as I am when it comes to socializing. He generally gets along very well with people, but never has any intention of developing and maintaining friendships with anyone.

I only say I might be an introvert because being by myself is usually what I prefer. But I have no problem being sociable and having a good time with people around me. I was more outgoing when I was younger. I didn't like drama then either and I would always try to avoid it, but I craved social interaction more then. So I would put up with the things I didn't like just to be able to hang out and have fun with different people. I was lucky enough to make some good friends early on and 20 years later I can still call a few of them true friends.

I do have a few close friends and some family members that understand my periods of isolation. Sometimes they get bothered by it and I wish they wouldn't.
Those who crave being with people often don't understand those of us who don't. I am ok being with others for a time, but that will drain me emotionally and then I need time alone(by alone I mean my husband is there but no one else). I am aware that many people get very unhappy if they are alone for too long, wheras I am not.

I am part of a church, and I do think that introverts struggle in a church setting because we are all encouraged(expected?) to go to this and that and be friendly to all, and we may be seen as a bit unfriendly, but I don't usually worry about what others think any more. I am what I am and God loves me this way. :laugh:
 

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I love being an introvert. I can entertain myself for days on end, I like company in small doses but don't need it (which actually makes relationships easy because I am not needy on others time). I will hazard a guess that most introverts are creative and this is a wonderful thing.
 

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I love being an introvert. I can entertain myself for days on end, I like company in small doses but don't need it (which actually makes relationships easy because I am not needy on others time). I will hazard a guess that most introverts are creative and this is a wonderful thing.
I thought I was an extrovert because my ex was a hermit. However, I think I'm what they call "an outgoing introvert." I enjoy people, but I start to feel suffocated and starved if I cant be alone with all my right brain interests.
 
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