have been with my wife for 20 years. we met very young and no prior experience with relationships before i met her as a kid in high school. She did, and was not a virgin like i was, and had dated quite a bit. I had kissed 2 girls before her and that's it, no second base, third, etc... I was very shy and quiet in general and that had a lot to do with it. for some reason she liked me, she say's it was becuase i was nice and had integrety whatever that means. Becuase we met so young, she was basicaly my first girlfriend ever,and my only. before we got married, she dumped me for a few months to (we had been together for 3 years i think) to go fishing for a better fish. I was heard broken, lost 20 lbs, hung out with friends but did not socialize with girls, etc... and did no dating or anything. 3 months later she realized that i treated her like a queen and she could not do any better, and she begged me back and of course i took her back. we had children in our early 20s and now they are in their pre teens. ok so thats the quick background upto today.
my problem is that i just lost the excitement of being with her, i am no longer a social introvert, and every day i think about what i missed becacuse i was such a shy and reserved child growing up (due to a few family issues i think), i look at other women, i wonder what it would be like to date, lately i enjoy being alone rather then going out as a couple. we seem to have other interests that i feel are slowing distancing us. she still loves me and is attracted to me, i just don't know if am IN Love and it has been an issue for quite some time. I love her, respect her, make sure our kids treat her with respect, etc.. but it just seems we are in a business of raising kids (at least that's how i feel). i have just been sticking with it becuase of our kids, and that we dont really fight or have any real problems, i just dont think about her like i should, feel romantic, get butterflys at the thought of her, etc...
im angry at my self for feeling this way, on one side i feel i should just stick it out becuase of our children, and on the other hand everything i read says we should be happy, that even she should have someone that views her as a queen and dreams about her, etc... i also think that maybe if we took a break, i may realize that she is the one for me, re-engage my attraction to her, etc.. and that hopefully she would take me back; or i realize it was a mistake, she found somone else, etc... and i screwed up big time.
in summary, i am not a cheater, but my mind wonders all the time, and i feel like something is seriously wrong here. looking for help or advice. if we did seperate, i would want to live in the same neighborhood so my kids are still close and we can still be tight. i would not move far away, disappear, etc... but again, i could almost cry just thinkiing about all this, how it will affect my kids if we dont live in the same house, and i almost hate myself for getting into this situation or thinking that i am not happy with my marriage.
my problem is that i just lost the excitement of being with her, i am no longer a social introvert, and every day i think about what i missed becacuse i was such a shy and reserved child growing up (due to a few family issues i think), i look at other women, i wonder what it would be like to date, lately i enjoy being alone rather then going out as a couple. we seem to have other interests that i feel are slowing distancing us. she still loves me and is attracted to me, i just don't know if am IN Love and it has been an issue for quite some time. I love her, respect her, make sure our kids treat her with respect, etc.. but it just seems we are in a business of raising kids (at least that's how i feel). i have just been sticking with it becuase of our kids, and that we dont really fight or have any real problems, i just dont think about her like i should, feel romantic, get butterflys at the thought of her, etc...
im angry at my self for feeling this way, on one side i feel i should just stick it out becuase of our children, and on the other hand everything i read says we should be happy, that even she should have someone that views her as a queen and dreams about her, etc... i also think that maybe if we took a break, i may realize that she is the one for me, re-engage my attraction to her, etc.. and that hopefully she would take me back; or i realize it was a mistake, she found somone else, etc... and i screwed up big time.
in summary, i am not a cheater, but my mind wonders all the time, and i feel like something is seriously wrong here. looking for help or advice. if we did seperate, i would want to live in the same neighborhood so my kids are still close and we can still be tight. i would not move far away, disappear, etc... but again, i could almost cry just thinkiing about all this, how it will affect my kids if we dont live in the same house, and i almost hate myself for getting into this situation or thinking that i am not happy with my marriage.