I think he is cheating...

2090 Views 10 Replies 11 Participants Last post by 45188, Oct 30, 2012

baby.please

Discussion Starter · Oct 28, 2012

I have been with my boyfriend now for 3 years - we pretty much moved in together right from the start. We now have a home together, no children. We have been having talks about marriage, and I know he has thought about asking me.

I have been having my women's intuition kick in over the last 6 months or so. I have always put it aside, telling myself he would never cheat as he has told me that he would never cheat, but he himself has been cheated on.

He is very protective of his cellphone. If i go to reach for it/glance at it for a long period of time - he will take it and put it in his pocket. Even if I want to go on Facebook while we are out and about - he will log in for me. I decided a few months ago to go onto his computer to check out for any online affairs. At this time - i just found porn - no big deal.

About 2 months ago I got a nasty vaginal infection. My dr. said it was a bladder infection. Now when i get bladder infections I will start to take cranberry pills right away with acidophilus - which would usually clear any infection up. Well my usual dose of supplements did NOTHING! It lasted for well over a month - before I finally just gave up and went to the Dr. They took urine sample, and he said it was a bladder infection. He gave me some pills. I got home, and googled the medication up right away. These pills were used for major infections and could be prescribed for Chlamydia. I researched Chlamydia - and all of the symptoms were very similar to what I was having going on. It also said that some people get no symptoms. I asked my boyfriend if he had anything going on (thinking bladder infection/yeast infection?) he said no. Then i told him about Chlamydia. He kind of had an...interested...look on his face.

Anyway - these are just 2 red flags so far. I went on his computer again about 2 weeks ago to check things out. He did not change his password - but he deletes his history now and blocks the "most visited" websites. I went through ever file since I couldn't get on anything else. I found a file with about 20 pictures of a raunchy looking girl naked. All the same girl...So i researched where these pictures came from. They were sent from his buddy. I checked the buddy's profile on Facebook - and there she was! It was his buddy's ex girlfriend. So I'm thinking "why do you have these pictures, why are you keeping them?" I made a snark remark about this girl yesterday night - and I checked his computer again today, and he hid the file that the pictures were in (haha i can search a computer though!) So i found the file - it was just stashed in another file.

I pretty much consider this cheating. This girl he has met, talked to, and even dated a friend of his....yet he has naked pics of her.

I really do not know where to go from here. I am struggling with the idea that the rest of the relationship is great! We have a home, talking about getting married - he is so nice too. Thats why i could never imagine him cheating! Though I know if he was to cheat, he would know how to cover his tracks very very well. Where do i go from here? Do i end it? do i bring it up to him? Im lost for words and thoughts at this point.

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MisterRitter

· #2 · Oct 28, 2012

My advice is that it should not be this hard. You should not have to search through his history and try to piece together what he is thinking. He should be honest with you about what he is thinking and doing.

And you should reciprocate. You should talk to him about what issues his actions are bringing up for you.

We all should be honest with ourselves and honest with people in our lives. It may be hard to do this, but think of the benefits. I can just tell the truth about everything, I don't have to figure out what little white lies I have told this person, ....

So, my advice is that you should talk to him. Tell him what you are thinking, without being accusing. If you approach him in a calm manner with reasonable questions he has one of two ways to react. If he goes crazy, then that says a lot about his state of mind. If he reacts reasonably and answers your questions, then you two can go from there.

Good luck to you, I hope you find happiness.

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the guy

· #3 · Oct 28, 2012

I want world peace and I dont see that happening any time soon.

Your man is making you uncomfortable and you have every right to confirm his loyality and prevent your self from being decieved.

And thats the thing here, if you are being decieved what makes you think he will be this honest engine all of the sudden?

He wont, he will continue to decieve you, so thats why you go James Bond on his @ss and quitly gather evidence, then you jump his sh1t with undenable proof.

This proof you gather will validate the step you take next, this proof will eliminate all doubt in what you do next, this proof will set you free......weather you deside to keep him around or not the proof you gather will give you the direction you need. It will answer all your questions....well at least most of them.....

Go a head and confront him with out proof. it won'T do sh1t....just make him go deeper underground and be more careful.

Act like all is good, he will slip up and you will get that smoking gun that will define the character of the person you love.

For whats it worth I keep my cheating wife around, married 20 years and showed her the tough love that she needed. And I mean tough!!!!!!!!!!

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Caribbean Man

· #4 · Oct 28, 2012

baby.please said:
About 2 months ago I got a nasty vaginal infection. My dr. said it was a bladder infection. Now when i get bladder infections I will start to take cranberry pills right away with acidophilus - which would usually clear any infection up. Well my usual dose of supplements did NOTHING! It lasted for well over a month - before I finally just gave up and went to the Dr. They took urine sample, and he said it was a bladder infection. He gave me some pills. I got home, and googled the medication up right away. These pills were used for major infections and could be prescribed for Chlamydia.I researched Chlamydia - and all of the symptoms were very similar to what I was having going on. It also said that some people get no symptoms. I asked my boyfriend if he had anything going on (thinking bladder infection/yeast infection?) he said no. Then i told him about Chlamydia. He kind of had an...interested...look on his face.

baby.please,

You are playing with your LIFE.
Your boyfriend is cheating on you , and he gave you a STD.

what else do you want to find out before you kick him out?

BTW, if you have unprotected sex with him after your infection clears, HE WILL RE INFECT YOU AGAIN.
Do NOT have sex with this man until he gets screened by the proper agencies and undergo treatment.

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B1

· #5 · Oct 29, 2012

keylogger time and have you checked cell records?

Also CM is right, do not have unprotected sex with this man. You are playing with your life.
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alte Dame

· #6 · Oct 29, 2012

You can do all the required checking and spying, but imo it's not necessary. He's your boyfriend, not your husband, and you know in your heart that you can't trust him. You can cut your losses and leave him. No divorce, no kids, just a quick, clean exit.

The pictures on his computer aren't porn. They're naked pics of a girl he knows - different ballgame. I would be super-surprised if he weren't cheating. It's a fair bet he gave you chlamydia. After all, she's raunchy, so it goes with the package.

Stand up for yourself and get out. You certainly don't want to marry the guy.

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Remains

· #7 · Oct 29, 2012

I TOTALLY disagree with Mister ritter. Talking???? Bah! You think if you talk to him and he is actually cheating that he will say, ok honey, I am sorry, I had sex with this girl, forgive me. No! Why would he say that? It is the daftest advice I have heard in quite some time. If he is cheating, and you 'talk' to him all he is going to do is cover his tracks better.

Pretend all is well, install a keylogger on the computer, if you can get hold of his phone get spy stuff on there too....be careful though. Adjust settings to record only what is necessary otherwise it will drain battery and data usage, particularly gps. And catch him in no time.

I am sorry, this is bloody awful, a truly awful thing to go through from someone you love. But I would never ever ever follow ritter's advice unless you are happy never knowing and being put through a prolonged period of hell by someone who is supposed to love you.

DO NOT feel guilty for snooping. The behaviour with his phone is an absolute! His behaviour is causing this situation....NOT your 'paranoia' (inverted commas due to the meaning of the word - suspicious nature that has no basis. Yours does!).

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StuckInMud

· #8 · Oct 29, 2012

Chlamydia is an STD. Definitely not good, my wife's ex husband gave it to her often when they were married, when he was having lots of affairs.

Call the girl in the pictures and ask her why your husband has raunchy naked pictures of her on your PC. That would get you your answer real quick.

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SadandAngry

· #9 · Oct 30, 2012

You should go to get STD testing yourself, confirm that it is Chlamydia or not. If it is, insist that your bf get tested.

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TCSRedhead

· #10 · Oct 30, 2012

Not married, no kids, I'd leave and not look back.

Find yourself someone nice who treats you with respect and opens his life to you without reservation.

Starting out any type of further involvement, like marriage, is the equivalent of building a house on sand. The foundation will continue to erode until it all falls apart.

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45188

· #11 · Oct 30, 2012 (Edited)

What pills were you given? When I get bladder infections I am prescribed CiproXL.

The doctor told you it's a bladder infection - not chlamydia. So it's a bladder infection - not chlamydia. This is paranoia on your part.

The nude pics on his computer? There is no excuse for that. None. That is absolutely vile. This girl is going through his fantasies you can bet your butt. There is likely no physical contact right now, but trust me.. He is thinking about it.

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