Talk About Marriage banner
1 - 20 of 62 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
21 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Hello, new here. I have been married 14 years, been with my H for 19 years. First marriage for both of us. We both have a successful career.

Our sex life took a dive since the birth of our second daughter. My H rarely initiates sex. I was often the one initiates sex, and I get rejected often times. Eventually I got depressed because of the lack of intimacy in my marriage and went to see a counselor without telling my H. After seeing the counselor two times, I had the courage to tell my H about it and asked him to go with me. He went and talked it out with the counselor. He said he loves me very much, and will do whatever I ask of him. For awhile after that we were doing good, he was making efforts to better our bond.
Now one and a half years later, we are back at the slump again. He rejects my invitations for sex or cuddling with the excuse of being too tired. No cards or gifts for our wedding anniversary or Valentine’s Day. No efforts to try to bond with me.
I resent him for rejecting me for so many times, and now I lost the interest of initiating sex. We haven’t have sex for two months now. I didn’t let myself go after having kids. I am not drop-dead gorgeous, but I know I am an attractive woman based on how guys act around me.
We don’t sleep in the same bed (not my choice), which makes sex or cuddling difficult. I know he loves me and not having an affair, but I crave more intimacy and bonding with my H and he is not making any effort. Besides that, my H is a great guy and father.
I don’t know what to do. My resentment towards my H is increasing as the days go by.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
20,360 Posts
I would suspect he's having an affair unless he has developed some psychological issue that needs rooting out.

His reaction to you talking to a counselor is troubling because you are the one taking initiative to seek health in yourself and your damaged marriage while he seems satisfied to let it die.

Maybe you could ask him why he isn't interested in saving his marriage?
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
18,959 Posts
I see him as being depressed, and suffering from some sort of stress.

He may have some underlying resentment toward you. Especially, if you are overly dominant.

Also, have his testosterone blood levels checked

He can take meds for depression, but some cause ED.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,481 Posts
Boy does that sound familiar. Does he hide his phone? Has he been spending a lot of time apart from you lately? I would be concerned by the lack of gifts or celebrating occasions the least, but the biggest red flag is the no cuddling or physical affection outside of sex. I feel like sex drive and connection can be worked on, but lack of physical affection usually means there's some resentment there. Why? Why did it upset him that you would see a counselor?

My XH was similar after the birth of our son. It was like he couldn't see me as sexual anymore after I became a mother, and couldn't handle me giving attention to our son. How does he act toward your daughters?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
310 Posts
Boy does that sound familiar. Does he hide his phone? Has he been spending a lot of time apart from you lately? I would be concerned by the lack of gifts or celebrating occasions the least, but the biggest red flag is the no cuddling or physical affection outside of sex. I feel like sex drive and connection can be worked on, but lack of physical affection usually means there's some resentment there. Why? Why did it upset him that you would see a counselor?

My XH was similar after the birth of our son. It was like he couldn't see me as sexual anymore after I became a mother, and couldn't handle me giving attention to our son. How does he act toward your daughters?
I agree. What married man won’t cuddle his wife or sleep in the same bed if he still wants to be in the relationship?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
21 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I would suspect he's having an affair unless he has developed some psychological issue that needs rooting out.

His reaction to you talking to a counselor is troubling because you are the one taking initiative to seek health in yourself and your damaged marriage while he seems satisfied to let it die.

Maybe you could ask him why he isn't interested in saving his marriage?
My H said he was willing to do anything to save our marriage. He reassured me that he loves me very much, and I love him too. When I saw the counselor 2 years ago, the counselor diagnosed our problems are rooted with him taking me for granted, and not making very much effort for me. I don’t see him having an affair because he has not been secretive and doesn’t spend mush time away from home besides work.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
21 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Boy does that sound familiar. Does he hide his phone? Has he been spending a lot of time apart from you lately? I would be concerned by the lack of gifts or celebrating occasions the least, but the biggest red flag is the no cuddling or physical affection outside of sex. I feel like sex drive and connection can be worked on, but lack of physical affection usually means there's some resentment there. Why? Why did it upset him that you would see a counselor?

My XH was similar after the birth of our son. It was like he couldn't see me as sexual anymore after I became a mother, and couldn't handle me giving attention to our son. How does he act toward your daughters?
He is a very good father, and he does a lot with our daughters.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
21 Posts
Discussion Starter · #20 ·
I see him as being depressed, and suffering from some sort of stress.

He may have some underlying resentment toward you. Especially, if you are overly dominant.

Also, have his testosterone blood levels checked

He can take meds for depression, but some cause ED.
That is what I want to figure out. Did I do something to upset him? Besides seeing a counselor without telling him first.
 
1 - 20 of 62 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top