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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I love my husband like I love a best friend or brother. I married impulsively and to get out of a bad situation. I regret the decisions I made that lead up to our marriage and now I struggle with being emotionally faithful and not having eyes for other men. We don't have kids. If I could go back and do it again I wouldn't have married him. I was 20 and very immature.

This is a feeling I've had since day one. I walked down the isle knowing I wasn't marrying the love of my life, but I was in a state or fear and fog. I've suppressed it for two years but now I'm ready to confront it. I'm not passionate about us and our wedding day wasn't the happiest day of my life. I could say I've had better. I feel like I'm living a lie.

How should I move forward? Councilor? Honesty? Suck it up and have children with him, or divorce? Are their better options? Should I just try and forget I feel that way and not confront it at all?
I can't believe I made vows that I didn't have drive to keep. I didn't understand what the heck I was doing.
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Don't you dare have children with him!

I think you should explain to him how you feel, expect for him to be EXTREMELY hurt and sad.

However, we don't know you here and I think you should get the advice of people who know you maybe there is something else at play
 

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Please divorce your husband, do NOT bring children into this world feeling this way about their father, it will only destruct their lives... No man (or woman) wants to be in a marriage where the other feels as you just described, sex would be reduced to pity sex, happiness a sham. Laughter will not fill your home.

Just be honest about your hand in why you walked down that aisle, he will be very hurt, a bag of emotions, even anger. But ultimately he deserves the right/ the freedom to move on with another woman who has Passion & desire for him.
 

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Do him and yourself both a favor and tell the truth. Lies have a sneaky way of coming out and biting you in the ass.

Just let him go as he deserves someone who truly does love him. And you deserve to be with someone you love as well.
 

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I don't know what your vows were, but mine promised to be faithful, to always be sincere about taking care of her, to respect and to care for, no matter what.

Conspicuously, you say nothing much about the man you married. As this is all about you. You're focusing on you. No, not a criticism... But you saw him as an escape from something, I don't know what, and now that the bait worked, you're ready to switch...

I guess I have to ask... Is there some terrible reason you can't love him? I suspect he has clues that you've used him, and I suspect he wonders why you have certain aspects of your marriage that just don't seem right, but he married you, hasn't abused you, and I'd say loves you and committed to you.

Are you that cold inside that has no effect on your heart? My gawd, you have someone that loves you, gave you the ring and said "I do" and apparently has done, with all the women here talking about not finding a man who'll pull that trigger. And here you have one who gave you his name, makes love to you (we assume there's at least some sex.. or maybe he's here with a different alias, but I don't recognize the story), and does husband things to, for, and with you.

You have a love right in front of you, all but surrounding you. Can't you let any of it in? It sounds to me a little like you might have walled yourself off to a degree, made a "deal with the devil" so to speak.. But you say nothing of him being the devil or even being bad.

I hate to sound like I'm begging for him. But in this case, my heart breaks for him and his love hasn't seemed to have moved you an inch. Or has it?
 

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Do him and yourself both a favor and tell the truth. Lies have a sneaky way of coming out and biting you in the ass.

Just let him go as he deserves someone who truly does love him. And you deserve to be with someone you love as well.
She can't "let him go", he's not trying to leave. She's the one trying to let herself go. I'm thinking that all the elements are there, except the one that says "I freaking want this guy..."

I think she might be able to see that in him, if she stopped navel gazing.
 

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Being married to your best friend isn't a bad deal. Being married to your brother would be a little sick. If you were expecting to feel fireworks every day for the rest of your life, that aint happening, no matter who you start with. I expect every married person looks at other folks now and then. That doesn't mean your marriage is bad or you married the wrong person. It just means you can see. Folks all over the world marry people they don't even know and those marriages tend to last far longer than our "forever love" style unions. The folks with 70 plus year marriages didn't marry a perfect person, they just married someone who happened to be equally committed to making it work. What you did three years ago at the ceremony isn't as important as what you did today and what you will do tomorrow.
 

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Let go of him and let go of the lies.

YOU are keeping him from being with a woman who TRULY loves HIM, who TRULY wants to bear his children, who TRULY wants to build a life with him.

You used him and you feel like cr*p. You have lost respect for yourself. The only way to gain it back is to "woman up" and tell him the truth, NOW before the holidays. Do not let him believe your lies for one more week.

There is NO WAY to repair the damage you have done, BUT you CAN atone to some degree by learning the lesson, moving forward, living your life with dignity, being an honest and forthright person from here on out, and being BRAVE enough to face YOURSELF, your fears, your husband, your future.
 

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How long have you been married? You say you have felt this way the whole time, but how long is that? There had to be some reason you got married, regretting the entire thing might not be necessary.
 

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How should I move forward? Councilor? Honesty? Suck it up and have children with him, or divorce? Are their better options? Should I just try and forget I feel that way and not confront it at all?
I can't believe I made vows that I didn't have drive to keep. I didn't understand what the heck I was doing.
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What does your intuition is telling you? Where would you like to see yourself in 5 years? What do you need to do to be happy, to have a fulfilling life?
 

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I regret not being a better wife in the years past when life was so busy. I regret refusing my husband his most precious gift. We all have regrets. It's up to us to fix them.

One thing I learned is not to dwell on the past. I look forward everyday as a new day and what I can do to better myself as a wife and as a mother. I do my best to look for the positives in life.

Good luck, I do hope you figure it all out.
 

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I love my husband like I love a best friend or brother. I married impulsively and to get out of a bad situation. I regret the decisions I made that lead up to our marriage and now I struggle with being emotionally faithful and not having eyes for other men. We don't have kids. If I could go back and do it again I wouldn't have married him. I was 20 and very immature.

This is a feeling I've had since day one. I walked down the isle knowing I wasn't marrying the love of my life, but I was in a state or fear and fog. I've suppressed it for two years but now I'm ready to confront it. I'm not passionate about us and our wedding day wasn't the happiest day of my life. I could say I've had better. I feel like I'm living a lie.

How should I move forward? Councilor? Honesty? Suck it up and have children with him, or divorce? Are their better options? Should I just try and forget I feel that way and not confront it at all?
I can't believe I made vows that I didn't have drive to keep. I didn't understand what the heck I was doing.
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This is your way of saying you cheated on him right? "I regret the decisions I made leading up to the marriage"?

You're not living a lie. You are a lie.

No matter what happens from this point on, your husband is going to suffer horrible pain.
 

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Took only 2 years of marriage before my wife pulled the same thing. Only there was a child involved. (Inside of wedlock.)

My advice, dont have kids. If you feel like you were in a fog, then get out and get out now. You owe to him and yourself. I dont care if it means you will have a hard time, or you might suffer financially from this. He is going to have to face the facts of knowing he lived with someone who didn't want to be with him.

That being said. Are you SURE you aren't in a fog now? Are you depressed from something else? What were the events leading up t marrying him? How much older is he then you? Is he "successful"?
 
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