This is my first time on this site, but I really need to talk to somebody. I have been with my boyfreind for 3 years. We have a 2 year old daughter together. The beggining of our relationship was wonderful. We were both free of responsibility and loved to just be together. After three months of bliss I found out I was pregnant. I was only 17. I remember laying in a bed crying and shaking uncontrolably. He came in and asked what I wanted to do. I told him I didn't believe in abortion and he said okay. That was the last time he ever brought it up. He told me that everything would be alright and we would do it together. And it was. We gave birth to a beautiful little girl. We have one of those relationships that everybody wants. Well, they think they want it. He got a great job and makes enough money to where I don't have to work. I spend my day cleaning house and taking care of our daughter. A month ago he asked me to marry him. I have been planning this wedding and wondering if it will ever happen. I find myself wondering if it is what I really want. Do I want to have more kids? I don't know. I love my daughter, but the reality is that I didn't plan for her and I am now only 20. I havent gone to college and I don't know if this is where I want my life to go. Most of the time we get along really well. But sometimes we go through rough times. Last night we came home from a weekend at his parents house. Everything was fine on the drive. Then we stopped at my parents house to say hi. When we were leaving, I decided that i would rather take the backroad then drive on the highway. He got so mad. It wasn't that big of a deal. It takes about 2 minutes longer. But he didn't talk to me the rest of the way. We got home and he still wouldn't talk to me. He fed our daughter dinner and I put her to bed. I made my own dinner and went to sit at the computer. He decided that he had to sit in the computer chair to watch tv. I asked him for it back and went completley crazy! He grabbed my plate and threw it across the kitchen. After that he went upstairs and cooled off. I sat downstairs and cooled off to. There was a lot more to the fight but it would take to long to explain. That was just the worst of it. He has never hit me and this kind of thing is really out of the ordinary. But today I keep asking myself, is this what i want? Do I want to marry someone at 20 and have to deal with fights like this for the rest of my life? And if I do leave who will i be without him? I have built my whole adult life on us. I have worked so hard on making a family for my daughter. I don't know whats going to happen when he gets home today. Will i leave? Do i want to leave? Does he want me to leave? Do I need to figure out who I am before I turn into Mrs. Downing. I know I do but I have just been with him for so long, I think of us as a team. I can't see being a mother without having her father right there to help me. I know I will be okay if i left. My parents are very supportive. My dad just offered to pay for my college, whether I live at home or here. I just don't know if i am ready to make this decision. I have wanted nothing more than for him to marry me. Now that he wants to I don't know. Im sick of cleaning up his messes and dealing with his bad moods. But I don't know what to do without him. Ive never been an adult without him guiding me. My parents were never much help with that. There idea of parenting was handing me money and not paying attention to what i did with it. Thats why i was addicted to meth by 14. But everything changed when I got pregnant. I quit doing drugs. I moved out with ryan and started my own family. Now to go back there and try to be an adult by myself is scary. Will I start doing drugs again? You can never tell where life will take you. I am just so confused and I don't know if the fight last night is just one of the downs of if it is a big red flag that I need to get out now. I think it might be this whole marriage thing. REST OF YOUR LIFE is just bouncing around in my head and I am missing my old life. Partying all the time, tons of freinds and making decisions of my own. Without thinking about anyone but me. I wish i was 17 again. I know I can never go back to that time but I think that getting married just makes it permanent. If we broke up I would have more time by myself(he is a really great dad, I know he would want to spend time with her)to go out and act my age. Thats something I need to do. I feel 35 at 20. How old will i feel when i am 35!! I know this is long so thank you for reading it. I need to figure out my thoughts. I would really apreciate some help. Is getting married this young stupid? I already took the biggest steps to it. I might as well already be married. But I can't deal with anger. And I am done acting like his mother. Ughhhh! anyway, please please please, give me some advice!