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98 Posts
As nothingman says, its a common problem with no easy answer or instant 'fix'.
I am not sure why or how, but it seems that many people end up in an "appetite opposed" relationship. Some times the signs are there from the beginning, sometimes not, people change, or revert to being themselves perhaps after a spike of sexual activity. Sometimes there are other marriage or personal issues that affect this.
In my view if one has to beg/coax their partner to be sexual from the very beginning that is not a good sign. Some folks although apparently normal in all respects, just dont care much about sex. If they made a list of 100 things to do, knowing that most of them would go undone, sex would be number 87 after "shake out dust from doormat". Eventually they'll get around to it but its just not a priority.
In your case it seems youre doing the right things, checking for medical issues, counseling etc. My only real advice at this point would be to make sure you dont 'overwhelm' your man with your needs or demands. A man's sexual response is a delicate matter and any feelings of inadequacy will be counter productive. Not saying you are, just saying loving seduction works far better then overt demands.
I will also tell you that you are not alone. Many men and women are in your same basic predicament. I dont know that this helps much but I do know that when ones mate doesnt take care of them sexually it makes the other feel very much alone.
I am wondering about what you said about his looking at porn.
Has there been any discussion about whether he has an active masturbation life? Do you sense that he has an addiction to activity related to porn? Or is this more of a matter that anything porn related at this point, given his lack of attention to your needs, is offensive to you, even if but a few girlie pics?
I am not sure why or how, but it seems that many people end up in an "appetite opposed" relationship. Some times the signs are there from the beginning, sometimes not, people change, or revert to being themselves perhaps after a spike of sexual activity. Sometimes there are other marriage or personal issues that affect this.
In my view if one has to beg/coax their partner to be sexual from the very beginning that is not a good sign. Some folks although apparently normal in all respects, just dont care much about sex. If they made a list of 100 things to do, knowing that most of them would go undone, sex would be number 87 after "shake out dust from doormat". Eventually they'll get around to it but its just not a priority.
In your case it seems youre doing the right things, checking for medical issues, counseling etc. My only real advice at this point would be to make sure you dont 'overwhelm' your man with your needs or demands. A man's sexual response is a delicate matter and any feelings of inadequacy will be counter productive. Not saying you are, just saying loving seduction works far better then overt demands.
I will also tell you that you are not alone. Many men and women are in your same basic predicament. I dont know that this helps much but I do know that when ones mate doesnt take care of them sexually it makes the other feel very much alone.
I am wondering about what you said about his looking at porn.
Has there been any discussion about whether he has an active masturbation life? Do you sense that he has an addiction to activity related to porn? Or is this more of a matter that anything porn related at this point, given his lack of attention to your needs, is offensive to you, even if but a few girlie pics?
