I picked this site because the people here seem more responsive than any other site ive seen. So I wont post and run. I'm not sure what I need here other than to talk about it.
6 years ago I met my wife. She was 25 and I was 36. I worked at the local jail and she was a recovering heroin addict. I had been at the jail for several years and have seen all sorts of addicts and offenders. My co workers actually stated that she was perfect for me. She had resolve, she wasnt the addict that others are. She didn't expect god or anyone else to free her of her addiction, she said it was her demon to beat. They encouraged our meeting as we were so similar. Now I don't know if it's because they felt sorry for me (at that point I had dated but stayed single and was single for about 8 years up until that point.)
She was pretty, witty, and had a wonderful sense of humor.
At the time, I thought there wouldn't be any harm im writing her after she left the facility which I did.
We got to know each other without sex and it was actually refreshing. We learned about each other and fell in love with each others words. If you're wondering why on earth I would take the chance its because I believe everyone is capable of change. That and maybe I was lonely. I do know that I felt a connection that I had not felt before and it seemed wonderful.
Fast forward a year and a half and we were living with each other. We were the best of friends. We had some issues but nothing major however, she did relapse. One time. I remember when and the day. My fears of relapse had come true and I voiced that I was unsure about us. Over the next couple weeks we talked a lot and she was remorseful and displayed resolve. She made it this far and one step back, two steps forward. And to this day, this was her only relapse and I am very proud of her. Oddly enough, during this time, she "forgot" to take her birth control and as a result, she became pregnant.
We worked though her relapse, she had our beautiful little girl and life was great.
Add another 2 years. She got a great job and we were raising our daughter and life was great. She became the person I knew she was capable of being and I finally had the family I had always wanted. Shortly after this time in a period of a couple weeks, she started to become irritable with me constantly and picked arguments (something we never did). After something trivial (a 4th of july gathering) she exploded, stated she was having an affair, refused to tell me with whom and demanded that I move out.
She kept our daughter from me for a couple days. It was terrible.
I found out who this person was and contacted his wife and told her. We exchanged information and had learned during the "confession" that I had received the trickle down truth. Over the course of the next couple weeks, she told more and more of the truth. I felt terrible. Things seemed so good. I was off work at the time due to a health issue but we both agreed that it was temporary but needed. (two severe blood clots that turned my legs purple). Now she was blaming me being off work as one of her frustrations. She said I had become depressed and pushed her away. (And in her defense, not working made me a little depressed). She seemed remorseful. We went to a marriage councilor and worked past this.
We learned a lot during this period and in the 2 years past, often talked about how it made us stronger. I brought it up a lot and needed reassurance often however, things were better. Within a month after her affair, I got to go back to work and things were looking up. We were bruised but not beaten. I felt good about our future. And we have a daughter, she deserved parents that would fight for her family.
Another 2 years later, we now have a beautiful house, wonderful daughter, and I have never been happier. I have always wanted a family and a wife I could call my friend and I finally had it. Financially, my job is low pay. The reason is yet another decision we made together. She works two midnight shifts and two day shifts. We agreed on a day shift job for me so that our daughter would be home a lot instead of a daycare or something. The town I live in isn’t all that big so day shift positions aren’t easy to come by. So , 8-4 was perfect. Once our daughter was a little older and when my wife could hold a different shift, I would find something better with better pay. It was for the greater good.
This last may 4th, I was up late and decided it was time for bed. After I plugged my phone in on my side of the bed, I started to walk out of the bedroom to let the dog out, lock the doors, etc. and noticed her phone lit up. Out of curiosity I walked over to see what it was this late and she woke up as I was looking at it. She changed her lock code but after an argument, gave me the new code. She made up some lie and said to my face that she changed the code because I “snoop” around on her phone. This was bizarre because I didn’t yet she lied to me, about me, and it wasn’t true. After looking at her phone, I saw that she was pricing a SUPER 8 in a town 20 minutes away. After asking her about it, she said she typed it in by mistake.
She left that night and I didn’t see or talk to her or my daughter for 5 days. After talking to her finally, she said that she had already filed for divorce and I needed to move out. She states that because of the one time we argued in front of our daughter, it was too much. My paranoia and my insecurities have pushed her over the edge. “There is no fixing this”. I have destroyed my marriage.
Now, I had to move and rebuild my life with a low paying job. The woman that would write me love notes daily, tell me I was a perfect husband, tell me how happy she is with her life now says our marriage is beyond repair. I have pushed her too far.
I cannot for the life of me think of another time that I have felt such sadness.
She left may 4th. Almost every day I hear, “get out of that house”. She went to her moms awaiting my departure from the house. (Leasing with the option to buy). I can’t afford the house on my own and she claims she can….which is probably true. Its been almost 2 months of hell. I had no money and no prospects.
I have found a place and I get the keys to this apartment on Friday. Its not a nice place and it breaks my heart that I have to take my daughter there. But…its all I can afford until I get a new job. So our daughter, our old dog whom shes throwing away, and myself are moving next Tuesday.
I told her that I get the keys a week from tomorrow but I actually get them Friday. This is because I don’t want micro managed by her family as I try to move. What she doesn’t know is that I have scrounged enough for an attorney. Our first court date is tomorrow.
Any light at the end of the tunnel is that I have our daughter most of the time. Due to wife’s schedule, I have our daughter Thursday through Tuesday morning and every other Saturday night (but still have her all day on Saturdays). Over the last month and a half, its been a rollarcoaster. At first, she wouldn’t come over alone. I asked her why and she said it was because I might “attack her”. Another bizarre comment. I said, “but I’ve never attacked you” but that didn’t matter. She denies having another affair and it seems that this is my fault.
A couple weeks ago, she got into my phone account and got the numbers of everyone I’ve been texting or talking to, looked them up on facebook, and threatened them not to step foot into her house. The things shes said about me were terrible.
I have never been treated so poorly by anyone as much as I have by her the last few weeks.
My mind says I need to run far away.
My heart misses my friend to the utmost intensity.
Lately, shes been coming over more. She seems happier but she knows I’m moving out. She even came over to have dinner with us (my daughter and I) a couple times. She said that 5 days without our daughter around is too hard which is why she comes over.
So that’s my story. I have never been more depressed in my life. There have been rough periods of my life….some awful but this is the worst. At least I have our daughter 85% of the time. Most of the time, I’m so sad and stressed out, its making it hard to be a good dad. Any comments are welcome.
6 years ago I met my wife. She was 25 and I was 36. I worked at the local jail and she was a recovering heroin addict. I had been at the jail for several years and have seen all sorts of addicts and offenders. My co workers actually stated that she was perfect for me. She had resolve, she wasnt the addict that others are. She didn't expect god or anyone else to free her of her addiction, she said it was her demon to beat. They encouraged our meeting as we were so similar. Now I don't know if it's because they felt sorry for me (at that point I had dated but stayed single and was single for about 8 years up until that point.)
She was pretty, witty, and had a wonderful sense of humor.
At the time, I thought there wouldn't be any harm im writing her after she left the facility which I did.
We got to know each other without sex and it was actually refreshing. We learned about each other and fell in love with each others words. If you're wondering why on earth I would take the chance its because I believe everyone is capable of change. That and maybe I was lonely. I do know that I felt a connection that I had not felt before and it seemed wonderful.
Fast forward a year and a half and we were living with each other. We were the best of friends. We had some issues but nothing major however, she did relapse. One time. I remember when and the day. My fears of relapse had come true and I voiced that I was unsure about us. Over the next couple weeks we talked a lot and she was remorseful and displayed resolve. She made it this far and one step back, two steps forward. And to this day, this was her only relapse and I am very proud of her. Oddly enough, during this time, she "forgot" to take her birth control and as a result, she became pregnant.
We worked though her relapse, she had our beautiful little girl and life was great.
Add another 2 years. She got a great job and we were raising our daughter and life was great. She became the person I knew she was capable of being and I finally had the family I had always wanted. Shortly after this time in a period of a couple weeks, she started to become irritable with me constantly and picked arguments (something we never did). After something trivial (a 4th of july gathering) she exploded, stated she was having an affair, refused to tell me with whom and demanded that I move out.
She kept our daughter from me for a couple days. It was terrible.
I found out who this person was and contacted his wife and told her. We exchanged information and had learned during the "confession" that I had received the trickle down truth. Over the course of the next couple weeks, she told more and more of the truth. I felt terrible. Things seemed so good. I was off work at the time due to a health issue but we both agreed that it was temporary but needed. (two severe blood clots that turned my legs purple). Now she was blaming me being off work as one of her frustrations. She said I had become depressed and pushed her away. (And in her defense, not working made me a little depressed). She seemed remorseful. We went to a marriage councilor and worked past this.
We learned a lot during this period and in the 2 years past, often talked about how it made us stronger. I brought it up a lot and needed reassurance often however, things were better. Within a month after her affair, I got to go back to work and things were looking up. We were bruised but not beaten. I felt good about our future. And we have a daughter, she deserved parents that would fight for her family.
Another 2 years later, we now have a beautiful house, wonderful daughter, and I have never been happier. I have always wanted a family and a wife I could call my friend and I finally had it. Financially, my job is low pay. The reason is yet another decision we made together. She works two midnight shifts and two day shifts. We agreed on a day shift job for me so that our daughter would be home a lot instead of a daycare or something. The town I live in isn’t all that big so day shift positions aren’t easy to come by. So , 8-4 was perfect. Once our daughter was a little older and when my wife could hold a different shift, I would find something better with better pay. It was for the greater good.
This last may 4th, I was up late and decided it was time for bed. After I plugged my phone in on my side of the bed, I started to walk out of the bedroom to let the dog out, lock the doors, etc. and noticed her phone lit up. Out of curiosity I walked over to see what it was this late and she woke up as I was looking at it. She changed her lock code but after an argument, gave me the new code. She made up some lie and said to my face that she changed the code because I “snoop” around on her phone. This was bizarre because I didn’t yet she lied to me, about me, and it wasn’t true. After looking at her phone, I saw that she was pricing a SUPER 8 in a town 20 minutes away. After asking her about it, she said she typed it in by mistake.
She left that night and I didn’t see or talk to her or my daughter for 5 days. After talking to her finally, she said that she had already filed for divorce and I needed to move out. She states that because of the one time we argued in front of our daughter, it was too much. My paranoia and my insecurities have pushed her over the edge. “There is no fixing this”. I have destroyed my marriage.
Now, I had to move and rebuild my life with a low paying job. The woman that would write me love notes daily, tell me I was a perfect husband, tell me how happy she is with her life now says our marriage is beyond repair. I have pushed her too far.
I cannot for the life of me think of another time that I have felt such sadness.
She left may 4th. Almost every day I hear, “get out of that house”. She went to her moms awaiting my departure from the house. (Leasing with the option to buy). I can’t afford the house on my own and she claims she can….which is probably true. Its been almost 2 months of hell. I had no money and no prospects.
I have found a place and I get the keys to this apartment on Friday. Its not a nice place and it breaks my heart that I have to take my daughter there. But…its all I can afford until I get a new job. So our daughter, our old dog whom shes throwing away, and myself are moving next Tuesday.
I told her that I get the keys a week from tomorrow but I actually get them Friday. This is because I don’t want micro managed by her family as I try to move. What she doesn’t know is that I have scrounged enough for an attorney. Our first court date is tomorrow.
Any light at the end of the tunnel is that I have our daughter most of the time. Due to wife’s schedule, I have our daughter Thursday through Tuesday morning and every other Saturday night (but still have her all day on Saturdays). Over the last month and a half, its been a rollarcoaster. At first, she wouldn’t come over alone. I asked her why and she said it was because I might “attack her”. Another bizarre comment. I said, “but I’ve never attacked you” but that didn’t matter. She denies having another affair and it seems that this is my fault.
A couple weeks ago, she got into my phone account and got the numbers of everyone I’ve been texting or talking to, looked them up on facebook, and threatened them not to step foot into her house. The things shes said about me were terrible.
I have never been treated so poorly by anyone as much as I have by her the last few weeks.
My mind says I need to run far away.
My heart misses my friend to the utmost intensity.
Lately, shes been coming over more. She seems happier but she knows I’m moving out. She even came over to have dinner with us (my daughter and I) a couple times. She said that 5 days without our daughter around is too hard which is why she comes over.
So that’s my story. I have never been more depressed in my life. There have been rough periods of my life….some awful but this is the worst. At least I have our daughter 85% of the time. Most of the time, I’m so sad and stressed out, its making it hard to be a good dad. Any comments are welcome.
