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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I was up until the wee hours of this morning thinking and not being able to shut off my brain. Some things i had forgotten or wanted to forget, kept me up all damn night. I am not sure if this will make any sense at all.

This happened a long time ago in 1998 or 1999 I can't remember exactly. Ever since this morning when i remembered it all, it has been bugging the hell out of me. I need to get if off my chest. I put pieces together that i didn't before (or what I think are pieces, anyway)


My husband and I worked at the same store, in different departments. I was going on my break. I walked up the stairs to the break room. Low and behold i see my husband and a girl coming out of a hug? I just stood there, when my husband finally saw me (it felt like I was standing there forever) He looked a little shocked to see me standing there. The girl left. He never introduced me to her, not then or ever.

I kept playing back what I saw in my mind. I was taken back. I thought what the hell was that. I didn't tell my husband anything at this point. I wasn't even sure what the hell it was that I saw. Maybe it was just a "friendly" hug and nothing more. I would never hug another male, unless it were a family member or my husband. If he were that friendly with her, why wouldn't he introduce me to her? Later that night I did ask him about it, and he denied it. nothing happened. not a hug or anything. I was seeing things.

WE would go out with friends, drinking. he would drop me off at home because I would have to work the next day. He would go back out and not come home until 5 am. We never had the same days off. I would sometimes come home early from work to see if I could catch him. (It was that bad) I never saw anything.

This went on for a few months. One day while i was working I get a call from my mom. Her asking me if i want to come over and talk after work. I agree. When I get to my moms house, She tells me that my husband called her and told her what was going on. I told her yes, i think he is having an affair. He told her that he wasn't. Why get my mother involved?

A little while later

I was working closing shift with a coworker. The girl mentioned above came to my department to talk with my coworker in private. I over heard the girl saying that she really likes a guy, but he is married. I don't remember hearing anything else. Maybe it was a coincidence?

We had a sick pit bull that we had to take to Davis California for experimental surgery, it was not available here for another at least another 6 months and my puppy couldn't wait that long. The valves in his heart were to small, not letting enough blood/oxygen threw to his body. He couldn't do much, if he did his mouth and tongue would turn blue and he would have issues breathing.
My husband had gotten fired from his job (the same place I worked) Since he wasn't working and I couldn't get out of work. He took our puppy to Davis, his nephew decided he wanted to go.
One night shortly after they left. I get a call from my sister-in-law (hubby's brothers wife) Telling me that the nephew(her step son) told her that my husband had another woman with them. (Me and the sister-in-law, never did get along.) When my husband called me, I asked him about it and he said that his sister-in-law is trying to start ****..


This is all the crap i was thinking about last night. I am not sure what it all means. I have an idea, Am I crazy What do you guys think? I know it happened alot time ago, and there is no way, now that I could get proof of anything happening.
 

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It seems like you have been living with this uncertainty for a long time and it still bothers you. Are you still with him? Can you ask him about this?
 

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What do I think? I think your husband might have had an affair 12 or 13 years ago, but you'll never find out the truth. You need to figure out what that means to you, based on your current relationship with him.

C
 

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Wow!! Too weird!! I say this as H and I were just talking about people having affairs where they're not discovered for years down the road........we both agreed: it wouldn't matter how long ago or what the circumstances were, it would be over for us simply because of the lack of trust.

Where there's 'smoke' there's usually fire!! In this case though you're going to have to go with your gut; what does it tell you? But even with that, you're still not going to know for sure unless your H decides to fess up. And like PBear says - base that on what your current relationship is.......
 

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If it was that long ago & you both are doing a lot better now, I'd let it go. Doesn't mean it doesn't matter, it just means its not worth going through now if you've grown in your marriage since then. If you are questioning his loyalty even today, would it be worth trying to figure out now? If he is still doing things outside of your marriage, why would he admit something long ago?
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 · (Edited)
It was strange i was laying in bed trying to sleep, then all of this crap that happened years ago, popped in my head. Our relationship as of right now is not good and hasn't been for quite a while.

I am only trying to figure out if there was something there, and I do believe that there was and i just didn't put the pieces together until now. Not that he would ever admit to it, even if there were.

It is not the first time i have felt like this. This is the very reason I joined TAM in the first place, back in 2010. I was going to link my original post but i can't find it.

I also understand that is is a dead end. So i am not going to dwell on it..
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Why is this keeping you up at night now, when you already suspected an affair way back then? Do you think he's stepping out on your relationship today?
Yes, I joined TAM in 2010, because i thought he was having an affair and even though i have not found anything at all. I still have the feeling.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 · (Edited)
What do I think? I think your husband might have had an affair 12 or 13 years ago, but you'll never find out the truth. You need to figure out what that means to you, based on your current relationship with him.

C
I think you are absolutely right. I think he had an affair also. Our current relationship is crap. I also think that he is currently having one as well.. Things have not been good since 2009.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Our relationship as of right now is not good and hasn't been for quite a while.
QUOTE]

at a certain trajectory in a marriage

it really doesn't matter how marital difficulties manifest

and proving infidelity becomes a red herring

you're in a bad marriage, in your own words, 'not good'

and so, one point of view is

how long will you stay in a dysfunctional house

searching for evidence of dysfunction
I left for a couple of months earlier this year and stupid me I came back. He did and said all the right things. I went against my better judgement. Now it is the same old song and dance again. I know i need to leave, but it is easier said then done. I will eventually, but i need to get my own **** in order. I need to get a job, which has been really hard. That is the first step.
 
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