I really need to stop beating myself up. I am hurting myself emotionally which will eventually show up physically, I am drinking too much to numb out my pain from hurting hubby, and I am wasting my life because every minute I feel like Sh*t that I hurt my husband and wish that I had felt differently.
The details:
-We met and became fast friends- there was such familiarity.
-We began dating several months later which surprised us both because we were not eachother's types.
-We had (still do) a big love for eachother, a huge love between us.
-Sex was never really our thing, he agrees. It didn't matter to me for the first 5 years of our marriage because I was so happy and felt so much love.
-Because we were so different (he is very conservative and I am not) I willingly changed to fit his lifestyle. I remember thinking that I had 'grown up' and I told my counselor about it and she said to be careful of that. I didn't ask her why b/c I didn't want to know.
- about 8 years into our marriage (ten years together), the 'old me' began to awaken. I never thought I'd leave but I began to look at my conservative and sexless life and wondered what it would be like to be more like my 'old self'. I felt a little bored but not b/c of him- he is not boring. I wanted to do things that I know would not fit with my life, things I would have wanted to do before.
- 10 years into our marriage I suddenly realized that I did in fact need to go. I wanted my life to be completely different and I knew that I could not be that person while in my marriage.
-I told him and left 6 months after this realization. He was hurt, I was hurting b/c I loved him and missed him. I have since created a life that I love and that suits me. I feel inspired and in touch with my true self.
-I still miss him but he even agrees that we cannot be together the way that I am now. He is healing. I am not b/c I am so judgmental towards myself for leaving and I feel so bad that I broke my marriage vows. I am mortified!
- I need to forgive myself b/c I am slowly killing myself with alcohol at night to calm my inner demons. I can't believe I am drinking like this, I am a health nut and vain, lol, & it is ruining both my health and looks. But my pain is so bad that it outweighs those 2 things (which are very important to me).
I have spent thousands on counseling, it never helps. I think b/c the bottom line is that I need to forgive myself and accept that I left for a reason.
- I do wish I could have remained happy in the marriage, I had a good life. interestingly, it is not the type of conservative life that I would ever choose again.
Thanks for listening. I am at a breaking point with the alcohol and I need to forgive myself so I can stop hurting myself in the name of numbing out.
btw, left 3 years ago.
The details:
-We met and became fast friends- there was such familiarity.
-We began dating several months later which surprised us both because we were not eachother's types.
-We had (still do) a big love for eachother, a huge love between us.
-Sex was never really our thing, he agrees. It didn't matter to me for the first 5 years of our marriage because I was so happy and felt so much love.
-Because we were so different (he is very conservative and I am not) I willingly changed to fit his lifestyle. I remember thinking that I had 'grown up' and I told my counselor about it and she said to be careful of that. I didn't ask her why b/c I didn't want to know.
- about 8 years into our marriage (ten years together), the 'old me' began to awaken. I never thought I'd leave but I began to look at my conservative and sexless life and wondered what it would be like to be more like my 'old self'. I felt a little bored but not b/c of him- he is not boring. I wanted to do things that I know would not fit with my life, things I would have wanted to do before.
- 10 years into our marriage I suddenly realized that I did in fact need to go. I wanted my life to be completely different and I knew that I could not be that person while in my marriage.
-I told him and left 6 months after this realization. He was hurt, I was hurting b/c I loved him and missed him. I have since created a life that I love and that suits me. I feel inspired and in touch with my true self.
-I still miss him but he even agrees that we cannot be together the way that I am now. He is healing. I am not b/c I am so judgmental towards myself for leaving and I feel so bad that I broke my marriage vows. I am mortified!
- I need to forgive myself b/c I am slowly killing myself with alcohol at night to calm my inner demons. I can't believe I am drinking like this, I am a health nut and vain, lol, & it is ruining both my health and looks. But my pain is so bad that it outweighs those 2 things (which are very important to me).
I have spent thousands on counseling, it never helps. I think b/c the bottom line is that I need to forgive myself and accept that I left for a reason.
- I do wish I could have remained happy in the marriage, I had a good life. interestingly, it is not the type of conservative life that I would ever choose again.
Thanks for listening. I am at a breaking point with the alcohol and I need to forgive myself so I can stop hurting myself in the name of numbing out.
btw, left 3 years ago.