Rely from budda
I know I cant fix him. He needs to do that himself I will send my daughter to counseling and I have made the decision to concentrate on myself and my children. I have made an appointment for myself and her today to seek counseling .
As since all this went down in a time frame of a week) i have had 4hours sleep , constant vomiting cant eat,and cant stop crying.
Yesterday was especially hard as while sitting in a coffee shop I saw a middle age couple enjoying each others company and the love between them was so real and special.
Then at another table a younger family (could have been my family) were joking and laughing with their children then they the parents reached over and kissed each other. It really hit home to me that I might never have that again. Reality is a B...ch
Last night I had a panic attack ( I thought i was going insane or worse couldn't trust myself) I would never do anything so silly , so off to the doctor's today to get meds to calm down. Doctor said it was post dramatic stress disorder and the meds will help me to calm down. The whole burden of pain,fiances etc has been left for me to cope with and finally it got to me.
23 years married 3 years living together and the rug being pulled out from under you ins't good.
Even though he isnt with the woman etc he doesnt want to come home,now says he needs to get himself better and sort out his head. I totally agree with that. Unfortunately that may take years or never.
Unfortunately my son rang his father and he came around for awhile after talking i calmed down. But today I realized after much needed sleep that when he is around or in contact it makes me worse.Because of his pain he inflicts it on me by dangling carrots of hope etc in front of my face.
And each time it hurts more as the man saying these things is my the man I know anymore
. So I have made a decision to not have contact with him for awhile till i have a few sessions with a councilor.I need to look after me and the children now.
Thank you for listening to me ramble on ,it has helped me so much to get it out.