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Discussion Starter #1
My husband told me he is having an affair and emotional one at this stage as he hasn't meet the person yet. It all started on facebook. After one of the children found some text messages on his phone. He asked the child to answer the phone and the text message prompted the child to look at other text messages.

They stormed off to their room and when I asked what was wrong. He calmly told me he was having an affair. An emotional one at this stage as he hasn't meet the person yet. It all started on facebook. Their is many factors in our relationship at the moment that are not reasons for what he has done but since finding out and discussions together over the last few days. He has now completely broken down and tomorrow is seeking counselling at his work as it has affected him their. Their is so much moe to say but I dont know if I should say it all or iI am allowed to go into details. I just need someone to talk to as this is tearing me apart.
 

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Maybe start by reading some of the posts in the Coping with Infidelity section of the board. EAs are VERY, very common. And - if handled correctly - don't have to be the end of a marriage.

Not sure why you don't think you can talk about details here. For now - I would keep this board to myself if I were you - until you get a better understanding of what you are dealing with.

Good luck.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Re:Have read nearly all of the posts

I just wanted to tell more of my story.Just not sure how much I am allowed to say length of conversation I mean.
 

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If you get too wordy, people may not read it all. I guess a "brief" introduction is usually a good start.

Again - you can post anywhere you'd like - but you'll get a stronger reaction - and possibly better feedback in the Infidelity section.

After you type a bit - and get some advice and questions - your story will start to come out.

I know I'm wondering how your kid is doing. So - your child basically "outed" the affair?
 

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step one

read my welcome to cwi newbie link

step two

post in cwi, be succinct, use paragraphs

step listen to what others who have been in your situation before have to say and respond

rinse and repeat step 3
 

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Discussion Starter #6 (Edited)
Reply yes my child found out by text messages then she did further investigation by checking his facebook account he forgot to log out on the Thub. She is staying at a friends house cant be in the house doctor said she blames herself ,as she thinks if she didn't find out and yell at him it might have gone away.I was not in any fit state all he saw from me was grief and he didnt know how to handle it.When I asked for help and said no one in the family was coping he didn't listen. We had three good days together and then he said I cant get her off my mind I want to meet her.

So I said go and find out if their is anything their with her as we cant try and fix our realtionship with "what ifs" hanging over our heads.

Their is more news on this that looks promising he meet the woman and she didnt like him both she and him told me this.
.I am an artist and have a website she sent me a message saying she wanted to buy one of my paintings and left her phone number. When I spoke to her she told me she had met him and their was not anything for her there.

She seems to think he is suffering depression because we have just lost our eldest daughter in June sudden death coroner couldn't find reason why she died. Instead of talking to me he closed himself off and got involved heavily with facebook then this woman openly flirted with him made him feel good as at home it was all pain. Not making excuses for him etc.


He came around to the house the other day and totally broke down it is obvious he is in extreme pain and sufering depression thats why the strange behaviour i now people say my husband wouldnt ever cheat on me. I know for a fact my would not but in his present state he is not thinking clearly.He said he couldn't function at work now and was to see a work councilor today and tomorrow to try and sort out his head.
 

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I would tend to agree that he is dealing with a major depression.

Someone needs to talk to your daughter - help her understand that this isn't her fault.

And seeing a counselor sounds like a good first step.

So sorry. That's a lot to deal with. Focus on yourself and your daughter. Be supportive of your husband - but know that he won't get better unless he's willing to commit to some therapy, medication, time, etc. You cannot fix him.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Re:ply from budda

I know I cant fix him. He needs to do that himself I will send my daughter to counseling and I have made the decision to concentrate on myself and my children. I have made an appointment for myself and her today to seek counseling .

As since all this went down in a time frame of a week) i have had 4hours sleep , constant vomiting cant eat,and cant stop crying.

Yesterday was especially hard as while sitting in a coffee shop I saw a middle age couple enjoying each others company and the love between them was so real and special.
Then at another table a younger family (could have been my family) were joking and laughing with their children then they the parents reached over and kissed each other. It really hit home to me that I might never have that again. Reality is a B...ch

Last night I had a panic attack ( I thought i was going insane or worse couldn't trust myself) I would never do anything so silly , so off to the doctor's today to get meds to calm down. Doctor said it was post dramatic stress disorder and the meds will help me to calm down. The whole burden of pain,fiances etc has been left for me to cope with and finally it got to me.
23 years married 3 years living together and the rug being pulled out from under you ins't good.

Even though he isnt with the woman etc he doesnt want to come home,now says he needs to get himself better and sort out his head. I totally agree with that. Unfortunately that may take years or never.

Unfortunately my son rang his father and he came around for awhile after talking i calmed down. But today I realized after much needed sleep that when he is around or in contact it makes me worse.Because of his pain he inflicts it on me by dangling carrots of hope etc in front of my face.

And each time it hurts more as the man saying these things is my the man I know anymore

. So I have made a decision to not have contact with him for awhile till i have a few sessions with a councilor.I need to look after me and the children now.
Thank you for listening to me ramble on ,it has helped me so much to get it out.
 
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