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I've been friends with my newlywed husband of 11 years, of which, 8 of them were platonic. He and I got together 3 years ago, and he left me because of my family and not being over another woman who had cheated on him.

I was devastated; I was so in love with him. He and I remained distant friends. Then, after almost 3 years, he comes to find me, claiming to have never got over me. Now, by this time, I had already gone through 2 relationships and was currently living with an abusive man. He saved me from a bad situation.

He and I began to date. We were passionate and beautiful together. Things weren't just about sex; it was sacred between he and I both.

Before we got married, he said very beautiful and romantic things to me. He was putting forth a lot of effort into our relationship. He even gave me a nickname - "beautiful".

After we got married, he slowly started to act strange - more distant. He also stopped giving me compliments. I caught him in a lie too. He had told me since his first marriage the only woman he ever wanted to marry was me, and he also told me that the whole time we were broke up he had no contact with his ex, which turned out to be a lie as well.

In addition, I was forwarded love letters he had sent (before we were dating again) telling her the same things he told me - ie "I have missed you all the years.." and "I always have and always will love you".

Now, there is proof that he hadn't been talking to her since he and I even started dating again. Someone got into his email, and found where she sent several emails trying to contact him and getting angry that he did not respond.

However, him being my best friend all these years; I just couldn't understand why he lied to me. He claimed it was because he would have said anything to get me. He wasn't even sorry that he lied.

However, I felt hurt and betrayed, and it screwed up the trust I had in him. So, for a couple of weeks, I was angry; I yelled, cried, and asked him a lot of questions.

Anyway. I wound up completely forgiving him, but the arguments he and I had has made him even more distant from me. He tells me now that I don't make him happy, but he doesn't want to divorce and that he's still in love with me. He hasn't wanted to have sex, be romantic, or anything in 5 days, though. He claims he still desires me, but yet he shoots down the idea to make love or anything close to it.

I feel lonely, hurt, and confused about how he feels for me. I just cannot understand why he wants to continue this marriage when he has no desire to make love and has become increasingly distant. He treats me like he is sorry to hurt me, but doesn't show any signs that he will ever want to make love again.

He wants me to wait, but if he has been this way for 5 days, why shouldn't I just let him go? If he isn't happy, why is he wanting to stay with me? Please, someone, explain... :(
 

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He's the one that's done the wrong thing. tell him you are both either all in or both all out. You won't stand for being lied to and he better understand your hurt and be genuinely sorry or he's not the man for you.

I would suggest you tell him you want 100% commitment and counseling or you will walk away.
 

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I would suggest trying to put everything of his past relationships to the past (they are what gat him to you right?)

That said... a discussion about the lying may be in order. I would say that if the lying is what gets you upset, then OK, work with that, but a past relationship... not so much.

Had a guy tell me that the same song we kinda took as our own, was also his own with someone else. I asked how he could do that... he explained some man thing to me about being able to separate the now from the "then" on that and the past's relationship to objects... so different from me, where I usually get rid of just about every gift from a guy when I am trying to put him in the past.....

Just offering that as something to chew on (men are weird LOL)
 
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