[missymrs80]

Ok...i have discussed this a bit here and there on TAM, but I feel like i still need more help on this issue.

I really can't have an orgasm without the use of a vibrator. I started using one when in was in high school and have used it just about everyday since (so that's about 14 years i have been using it). I have been with my husband for about 7 years. I use the vibrator still b/c he is away a lot bc of his job.

I don't think i am any less sensitive if that makes since. My husband is amazing in bed and we have an amazing sex life...so it's not him.

So if anyone has any insight or experience like this or knowledge about this....please help!!! I imagine i am not the ONLY woman out there with this problem.

My husband is willing to bring the vibrator into bed with us...but he is not overly thrilled or turned on by me doing this (he tries to fake it, but i can tell). Don't get me wrong, sex & foreplay feels amazing...just no orgasm.

 

[Cosmos]

Your body has probably adapted to the intense stimulation of a vibrator. You could try not using it for a while and see if that helps.

 

[missymrs80]

I know...i worry that this is permanent. Ive gone without for a period of time a few years ago and it didnt help.

 

[missymrs80]

What about just fingers?

Instead of the vibrator?
I like the vibrator more....and fingers dont really work as well.

 

[Cosmos]

I know...i worry that this is permanent. Ive gone without for a period of time a few years ago and it didnt help.

Would you feel comfortable talking to your gynae about it? He/she might be able to prescribe a lubricant that would increase sensitivity whilst weaning off the vibrator. I'd be wary of any over the counter stuff, though.

 

[WyshIknew]

**** ring?

They are.......interesting.

Mrs Wysh not 100% keen as when I get over enthusiastic they tend to 'bump' her a bit.

 

[missymrs80]

Would you feel comfortable talking to your gynae about it? He/she might be able to prescribe a lubricant that would increase sensitivity whilst weaning off the vibrator. I'd be wary of any over the counter stuff, though.

I will

 

[tonynw]

you need to find the true love with your fella before you will have a proper orgasm. or your just not human

 

[Mavash.]

I've had this problem before. What you're going to have to do is give it up cold turkey and you're going to have to suffer while you relearn how to orgasm without batteries. It can be done. Had another friend with the same problem and she kicked the vibe habit too.

This isn't just about going without this is going without WHILE masturbating on a regular basis with fingers, a dildo, something that doesn't have batteries. Won't work with sex - you must learn your own body first before you can O with him.

Your body will respond but you will have to trust it, be patient and loving with yourself. After 14 years of this won't be a quick fix but it can be done. I promise.

 

[missymrs80]

**** ring?

They are.......interesting.

Mrs Wysh not 100% keen as when I get over enthusiastic they tend to 'bump' her a bit.

Yes we have this. Lol. I have several rings actually ranging from $10-$150

I think i own anything that vibrates. I should prob stop buying this sh!t lol

 

[missymrs80]

you need to find the true love with your fella before you will have a proper orgasm. or your just not human

I have "true love". Its not about him.

 

[WyshIknew]

**** = c0ck, right?

They make them with vibrators built in.

Yer but not the same intensity as a vibrator, and it still involves inserting your penis. Might be a way of weaning off full vibrators.

 

[missymrs80]

I've had this problem before. What you're going to have to do is give it up cold turkey and you're going to have to suffer while you relearn how to orgasm without batteries. It can be done. Had another friend with the same problem and she kicked the vibe habit too.

This isn't just about going without this is going without WHILE masturbating on a regular basis with fingers, a dildo, something that doesn't have batteries. Won't work with sex - you must learn your own body first before you can O with him.

Your body will respond but you will have to trust it, be patient and loving with yourself. After 14 years of this won't be a quick fix but it can be done. I promise.

So go without orgasms for awhile? This helped your friend?

 

[Mavash.]

So go without orgasms for awhile? This helped your friend?

Yes. I coached her too. She would get so horny and she'd go masturbate and NOTHING. I reassured her to relax and keep trying. It was frustrating for her but I told her not to give up. Just be gentle and patient. Eventually she did figure it out and she's very happy now.

Orgasms are largely mental that's why it's important to chill and not rush the process of relearning.

 

[tonynw]

stick to the rabbit then. lol

 

[missymrs80]

Yes. I coached her too. She would get so horny and she'd go masturbate and NOTHING. I reassured her to relax and keep trying. It was frustrating for her but I told her not to give up. Just be gentle and patient. Eventually she did figure it out and she's very happy now.

Orgasms are largely mental that's why it's important to chill and not rush the process of relearning.

How long did it take?

 

[Mavash.]

How long did it take?

Dang I was hoping you wouldn't ask that. I was young when I kicked the habit and my friend is 25.

You can't compare yourself to us because you've got 14 years to undo. If I were to guess this could take 3 - 6 months or longer. It's going to come down to how bad do you want it. Will you cave when you can't take it anymore? Or will you keep trying with patience and love? Will you give your body time to heal itself from years of desensitizing?

I still have faith you can do this because the body is simply amazing what it can do if you are patient and love it enough.

 

[missymrs80]

Oh god. This will be rough.
Ok if i know its been done before then i am willing to do it. Thanks

 

[3boys]

"Your body has probably adapted to the intense stimulation of a vibrator. You could try not using it for a while and see if that helps."

I disagree with this comment. At least it's not true for everyone. I've been tested by a female urologist at UCLA to determine why I couldn't orgasm. Turns out it takes more to stimulate me than just manual stimulation. I had never used a vibrator and my husband insisted something was wrong with me because I couldn't orgasm no matter how long he focused on it. eventually became stressful, I felt like a failure and less than a whole woman and he would tell me every other woman he'd been with had been able to orgasm manually and during intercourse. After visiting this doctor and having her recommend a vibrator as a no brainer-he refused to try. Said he felt uncomfortable because he'd never used one before with anyone. So I used it by myself when he was gone and tried to have a nice time during sex. Didn't help that he refused to acknowledge any gently worded request to slow down or to wait until I was ready. Nice guy, right? Anyway, divorced now a few months and during stupid after break up sex, he told me that it's okay that I probably still use a vibrator but it should be something I work toward to do it naturally. Ha, this from a man who started using viagra when he cheated on me with prostitutes. Anyway, got out bed and walked away and have not communicated with him since. Except for this article I sent him that blew away all the beliefs about female sexual response. Will NEVER listen to a man tell me what MY sexual response should or shouldn't be again. Who effing cares how you orgasm, anyway.

Vibrators: Myths vs. Truth | Psychology Today

 

[WillK]

Wow at 3 boys. Maybe for her, she couldn't have orgasms because her husband was a jerk.

I'll my opinion a little more brief.

There are some simple things to understand about orgasm. The key one that you need to understand is that it is a reflex.

Chances are if you struggle without it, you've got some mental process involved. Something that may help is if you try to concentrate less on the orgasm as a goal - rather think of it as something that just happens, and success or failure is not a thing that requires it to happen. Instead focus on enjoying what you are experiencing.