[Peaches2012]

I am very attracted to my coworker. It has grown over the past few years and we have graduated from work talk to marraige talk-his and mine. We share details about fights, problems, etc. I didnt think of it as emotional cheating at first, but now we have lightly 'sexted" each other. That was last week and we still talk, but we have not mentioned anything about the texting since. He tells me time and time again he is faithful and wouldnt cheat..what the heck is going on?! I am not ignorant-I know my hubby would hit the roof if he knew I talked about our marraige much less texted as well. I think maybe it was just a one time thing that went a little off the rails but will go back to normal...can someone who has been thru this route shed a light for me?

 

[Gabriel]

can someone who has been thru this route shed a light for me?

Stop. Simply stop. That is all.

 

[Disenchanted]

Tell your husband what happened and get into MC.

now

 

[bandit.45]

Yes. Stop now. You are on a slippery slope.

The good feeling this guy gives you is nothing more than a dopamine rush. The more you sext him the more addicted you'll get until you agree to meet him for some one on one at the motel.

Check out Devistated Dad's thread. This is the same innocent way his wife's affair started, and now their marriage and family is in jeopardy.

Why not sext your husband?
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Cubby]

The good news is you're alarmed by it and know it's wrong. The bad news is you're attracted to him.

You should have never started talking about your marriages. That opened the door to sex talk. You don't have boundaries in place. Your boundaries shouldn't simply be at "not having sex" with someone. They should firmly be in place a few steps before that. Talking about your marriage with him would be crossing a boundary.

 

[jh52]

I am very attracted to my coworker. It has grown over the past few years and we have graduated from work talk to marraige talk-his and mine. We share details about fights, problems, etc. I didnt think of it as emotional cheating at first, but now we have lightly 'sexted" each other. That was last week and we still talk, but we have not mentioned anything about the texting since. He tells me time and time again he is faithful and wouldnt cheat..what the heck is going on?! I am not ignorant-I know my hubby would hit the roof if he knew I talked about our marraige much less texted as well. I think maybe it was just a one time thing that went a little off the rails but will go back to normal...can someone who has been thru this route shed a light for me?

Sexting is cheating Peaches -- you are very close to crossing a line of no return and possibly ruining you marriage. I assume you are an adult since you are married -- so you have the ability to determine what is right and what is wrong -- and make a decision if you want to continue this sexting affair which will lead to a possible PA -- or stayed married to your husband.

Why r u engaging in the sexting affair ??

Go read AnnieAsh's thread -- she was in an EA and didn't realize it.

 

[Peaches2012]

it started off as harmless and kind of went from there-I guess maybe he realized as well, as he asked me to delete the texts from my phone. I guess because he has never physically 'tried" anything and as I said has said NUMEROUS times he would be faithful-I wasnt worried. Just thought it was an innocent flirtation-if that. And yes, I am an adult-actually about 7 years older than he is.

I appreciate the replies w/o judgement everyone-thank you.

 

[ing]

You are at the beginning of an EA. Well done for picking it up. Most don't
The feelings you have at the moment will fade fast but you have to stop this right now before you destroy your marriage.

Tell him that it must stop and that you only want to talk about work related things. DO NOT share marriage problems with him.

Talk to your husband. Tonight. I dont think you have gone far enough to call it an EA yet but your H needs to know how dangerously close you are to having an affair.

An affair will destroy your life.

At best this guy he is trying to convince himself that he won't cheat and telling you this makes you feel safe. At worst he is a player and this is a technique to get in your pants.

Either way. He wants to get in your pants.

Stop.

Stop

Read what happens in real life on this board. Every time you want to contact him read here about the trail of destruction affairs leave.

 

[Hope1964]

READ THIS BOOK

Dr. Shirley Glass - NOT "Just Friends"

And give it to him to read too. Then tell him you will not be speaking to him again, EVER.

 

[ChangingMe]

Yes. Stop now. You are on a slippery slope.

The good feeling this guy gives you is nothing more than a dopamine rush. The more you sext him the more addicted you'll get until you agree to meet him for some one on one at the motel.

Check out Devistated Dad's thread. This is the same innocent way his wife's affair started, and now their marriage and family is in jeopardy.

Why not sext your husband?
Posted via Mobile Device

Yes. Stop. Cut off all contact. I am Devistated Dad's wife, and I can attest that "innocent" flirting, talking, and texts keep growing and growing, and you end up crossing lines you never thought you would. I so wish I had posted something similar to your post a year ago, and that I had been smart enough to recognize the path I was going down.

 

[Ovid]

I am very attracted to my coworker. It has grown over the past few years and we have graduated from work talk to marraige talk-his and mine. We share details about fights, problems, etc. I didnt think of it as emotional cheating at first, but now we have lightly 'sexted" each other. That was last week and we still talk, but we have not mentioned anything about the texting since. He tells me time and time again he is faithful and wouldnt cheat..what the heck is going on?! I am not ignorant-I know my hubby would hit the roof if he knew I talked about our marraige much less texted as well. I think maybe it was just a one time thing that went a little off the rails but will go back to normal...can someone who has been thru this route shed a light for me?

Get away from him. He's walking you right into an affair, and yes he does want the cheat on his wife with you.

 

[Disenchanted]

Whatever you told him about the shortcomings of your marriage should have been told to your husband, unless you want to leave your husband.

The reason why I say that you should tell hubby is so that you can face the harsh reality of your own emotions when you are forced to come to grips with how you have violated your own moral code. You should not skate free from this.

My take on cheating is this, I don't do anything to her that I would not feel comfortable in knowing that she was doing to me.

Would you mind knowing that your husband talked to another woman about the troubles in your marriage? Would a little "light sexting" bother you?

If not, carry on.

 

[Hope1964]

it started off as harmless and kind of went from there-I guess maybe he realized as well, as he asked me to delete the texts from my phone. I guess because he has never physically 'tried" anything and as I said has said NUMEROUS times he would be faithful-I wasnt worried. you.

Sounds like he was trying to convince himself.

I feel sorry for his wife. I really hope he tells her and they can get over it, and that he never does it again.

 

[Cubby]

I'm sure the sexting was fun and exciting. That's the dopamine rush Bandit referred to. It's a feel good chemical that gets released when you do this kind of thing. It's the same chemical cocaine users experience. It's addicting. It's the same thing you experience when you're first dating someone. The butterflies.

Don't ever think this worker is your 'true love.' That's the chemicals talking. Your husband is the same old familiar guy, who's not as exciting as when you were first dating. So he can't compete with the coworker. Just remember that these great feelings you're feeling with him are just fantasy, not real.

EDIT: I realize you didn't say the co-worker is your 'true love', just that you find yourself attracted to him. I'm just referring to what you might start thinking if you allow this to continue.

 

[Ovid]

Sounds like he was trying to convince himself.

I feel sorry for his wife. I really hope he tells her and they can get over it, and that he never does it again.

I'm not buying it. There's actually a script for seducing happily married women. The OM that sucked my WW into an EA used the same script. He turned little things into big things in their conversations, then turned around and tried to play the good guy... after awhile I looked like trash and he was the only one that cared...

Don't walk away from him. RUN!

 

[Hope1964]

Yeah, I am not hopeful he isn't a POS either.

 

[Cubby]

I agree with the others who say he wants to get in your pants. Telling you he would never cheat might be a way to lower your guard, so he can continue his relationship with you. Since he knows you probably don't think highly of cheaters, he's telling you "he's a good man." Until you two go too far down the road where he doesn't care about being a "good man" anymore.

 

[ing]

The number of messages so quickly should give you an idea of the urgency of this situation.

When I think about it my ex-wife was told this too. She was told he would never cheat. blah blah. fcked her then it didn't matter anymore.

Notice EX-WIFE. This is the likely outcome if you continue. Cut him off. now.

 

[Peaches2012]

I dont know if it makes a difference, but in all of our "friendly" chats we have had, I did disclose to him that after my Mom died recently I did have an indiscretion with a former lover (I am NOT making excuses but I did do extensive counseling and was told this sometimes happens during times of grief). He kind of used that as a springboard to inform me HE would never cheat-even though he tells me daily he is considering divorce and would like to catch his wife with someone else to give him an "easy out"....at 45 I should not be so naive I guess, but I just figured due to all of that, a little flirting was harmless-that it would come to nothing.

 

[Hope1964]

I dont know if it makes a difference, but in all of our "friendly" chats we have had, I did disclose to him that after my Mom died recently I did have an indiscretion with a former lover (I am NOT making excuses but I did do extensive counseling and was told this sometimes happens during times of grief). He kind of used that as a springboard to inform me HE would never cheat-even though he tells me daily he is considering divorce and would like to catch his wife with someone else to give him an "easy out"....at 45 I should not be so naive I guess, but I just figured due to all of that, a little flirting was harmless-that it would come to nothing.

You REALLY need to read this book

Dr. Shirley Glass - NOT "Just Friends"