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Ok so I have been married for 5 yrs now with a wonderful family but my husband and i had a brake up and i messed around with this loser and ended up pregnant and then got back with my husband he has forgiven me and is raising the baby as if it was his but lately we have had some hard time in the bed, at least 4 times this month he has not been able to get more then soft. He blames thinks like medicine or the kids being awake. But I have gained weight having two kids now when we meet i was like 110 and now im like 136. and I hardly have time to do my make up or dress up but when i do he seems to kinda be alright sometimes it still doesnt help does anyone know how or what i can do to rekindle the fire and make him hard agian??
 

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You will have to work EXTREMLY hard on affection and intimacy end.

Also, trust as well.

Put yourself in his shoes. How would YOU feel if he was to cheat and have another child with some woman?

How long would it take you to get over it? How much hard work would your husband have to do in order for you to be sexually arroused again.

It's simply going to take TIME and LOTS of effort on your part to prove to your husband that the POOR decision he made (to get back with you) was worth it.

When he took you back, that was just the start......not a milestone.

Milestones are in front of you to reach now.

:(
 

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Believe him when he says it's stress related. Also, age and fitness level can play a part. Mentally, he has a lot on his plate and you're not making it easier for him by harping that you ain't getting any.

Try other forms of intimacy like back rubs and foot rubs. Hand jobs that you can control speed and pressure. Oral, for that matter. And there's always The Little Blue Pill.
 

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If you are feeling self-conscious about your body, your partner will feel that too. It will take some time to get back in shape. Just starting a diet plan and exercising can help you feel better and like you are at least trying. In the mean time, buy some sexy lingerie that hides the parts you don't like. I just had a baby 2 months ago and I am still not comfortable completely naked with my husband. This is completely natural.

The important thing is to focus on helping yourself to feel sexy again. I am not saying that the reason your husband is not getting hard is because he not attracted to you. As the guys said, there are many factors that lead to not being able to get it up. Work on making yourself feel good again and take that newfound energy in the bedroom.
 

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Put yourself in his shoes. How would YOU feel if he was to cheat and have another child with some woman?


:(
I don't think the OP actually cheated on her husband. They were on a break when she messed around with the guy who got her pregnant.

OP, I always like to make sure I look cute for my husband. I'll touch up my hair and makeup before he gets home, make sure I'm wearing something that I feel sexy in. When I'm looking and feeling cute, my husband definitely notices.

Start putting a tad more effort into what you wear, and put on a bit of makeup so you feel pretty. In regards to the weight issue, try not to feel bad about that. You've had two kids! In my experience, men are more attracted to women who are confident and comfortable in their own skin than they are a woman who is super skinny.

This is the perfect time of year to get back in shape. Number one rule of thumb, eat less and move more. Eat a little bit less each day, and move a little more each day. Get the baby in the stroller and go for a walk, every day. Make healthy choices in the kitchen, salad is a great option because you can put ANYTHING in a salad, on top of a nice mix of veggies.
 

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Buy the book or borrow it from the library. It's called "The Love Dare." Will help to rekindle the fire.

Also, read and follow these
Overcoming Resentment
Restoring the Marital Relationship
Marital Recovery
Forgiveness

These are all articles from Marriage Builders.com that teach couples how to survive an affair and rebuild their relationship.

Since you and your husband were separated at the time, I don't feel like you had an affair. However, you never really know how your husband feels, and a lot of people do think it's the same thing. It really isn't, but my point is you have to treat it as though it were because you both still have the same feelings and emotional obstacles to overcome. After all, your husband is raising and feeding his constant reminder every day. So yeah, he's bound to be plagued by the pain, resentment, and even some bitterness in a number of ways. It sounds like your guy is trying very hard. I just think he (and you) needs some help to get beyond it. Both of you should read these articles and put the principles into practice. He's not being entirely honest with you. He probably doesn't know how, and it's affecting him.
 

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Are you afraid that if you can't provide him with a rewarding sex life, he will come to the conclusion that there aren't enough positives remaining to stay in the relationship?
 
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