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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am here on the recommendation of a friend since she got some advice that helped her own marriage. My problem is that my wife caught me cheating on her in our bed. I knew what I was doing was wrong and that I was being selfish. Let me tell you the back story and that will bring me to today.

We have been married for 5 years. Only 1 son and just bought the house 6 months ago. I have a real good friend who is gay. His sexuality never bothered me and we all get along just fine. We go out sometimes together and party.

In early 2012, we went to a new club. We both had never been there before. It was a gay/***** club. Honestly, I was just going to enjoy some drinks and dance. I had never even thought about cheating on my wife. Anyway, while there, I met a very attractive woman.....or so I thought. Once we started talking, she asked for my phone and pulled up her facebook profile. She told me to read her profile and that if I was still interested, come find her.

I read the profile and to make a long story short, she is a transvestite. I would have never known just by looking at her since she was very attractive. It intrigued me so found her and we started chatting again. We had fun, drank, and just partied. We exchanged numbers and kept in touch. Our relationship grew from being text buddies to oral sex and then to a full blown sexual relationship. I would have never expected myself to be in this position but I was honestly caught off guard. It also makes me feel bad for my wife because we generally get along and I had no reason to cheat on her. It was just my curiousity and poor judgement.

Now as far as the woman I have been seeing, it has been a roller coaster. I never had anything against trannys but she just took me by surprise. I felt like I had the best of both worlds. I could be in the presence of a very beautiful woman who just happens to like all the things I like such as sports and drinking. I connected to her as a man but her beauty kept me close to her. All the little nagging and small arguments I had with my wife were non-existent with my new friend. I'm guessing it's because she's a guy and we could understand each other a lot better.

Back to the present, I urged my wife to go out on New Years with her friends. She really didn't want to go but I gave her every reason to go because I wanted to spend some time with my friend. After my wife life, my friend came over and we had sex in our bed. I don't know what my wife sensed but for some reason, she double backed to the house. She walked in our bedroom and found my friend inside of me. She was able to see my friends anatomy as well as the way she was dressed and my wife just put 2 and 2 together. She ran out the door crying and I felt so horrible.

Since then, she has moved out and wants a divorce. In fact, I just got the papers this week. This is not what I want and I know I made a bad decision. I need help in finding a way to convince my wife that I was just curious and this is not the real me. I understand that I hurt her and I'm really sorry for that. I want to keep my family together and I don't want things to end like this. She has basically been ignoring me and only contacts me if it has something to do with our son or the divorce. How can I win her back?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I understand that but the thing is that I'm sorry and this was a one time thing. I just can't get her to understand this. I love her with all my heart and it was a big mistake.
 

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Seriously? you want our help. i'm sorry dude, but it sounds to me like your wife is doing all the right things. You made a conscious choice to hurt her, she recognizes that and wants you out of her life. Yes sir, she is doing all the right things.
Yep. Your wife has taken the right decision, OP. In fact she's doing much better than many BS that come here. I wish her luck.
 

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I found out 3 days ago I have been getting cheated on for the last 5 years of my marriage, so at heart i am sickened by you throwing away your family with your own planned selfish desires and fantasies, and you probably need counseling. But if you want her, show her don't tell her. How is for you to decide. You should be begging and pleading, with your actions and words. But before you do anything. Figure out what the **** you really want. If your curious then figure that out, only a bad person would earn their BS trust back and break it again. I wont take my wayward ***** back, but she didn't even beg and plead with her words really, and not at all with actions. She showed no true remorse.
 

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If you were your wife, would you take yourself back?

This wasn't curiosity. It was premeditation.

You knew all along what you were doing.

People don't just "end up" with each others facebook page
links or cell numbers, and they most certainly don't mistakingly
just end up together in the bed that you and your wife make love in.
You don't just have a lapse of judgement.... I don't buy it one bit.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Well yes, some parts were premeditated but I meant that I just kind of fell into it. It was never my original intention to sleep with anyone let alone her. I started out as being curious and then became friends. We got so close that before I knew it, we were in a sexual relationship. I know I should have backed out and say no but I just wanted to see how it would be. Had I known it would destroy my family, I would have never done it.
 

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Well yes, some parts were premeditated but I meant that I just kind of fell into it. It was never my original intention to sleep with anyone let alone her. I started out as being curious and then became friends. We got so close that before I knew it, we were in a sexual relationship. I know I should have backed out and say no but I just wanted to see how it would be. Had I known it would destroy my family, I would have never done it.
You knew that if your wife caught you, even just thinking about him/her, let alone actually talking to, hanging out with, and getting physical with in your marriage bed, that it would deeply hurt your marriage, if not destroy it. You made that choice knowing that if she found out you were a cooked goose. You simply thought you would never get caught. thought you could have your loving wife, and please your wildest fantasies at the same time. Same thing mine did. You broke your vows, and she has every right to do what she is doing.
 

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No mention of STD testing - have you done that yet? She's got to be scared to death. Can you blame her? You've been having sex with a man at the same time as having sex with her, and you don't think she's worried about how you've endangered her life? HIV is scary stuff! And you've got a child to consider! What if you both end up HIV-positive?

No wonder she's furious.

And your second post says this was a "one time thing." What about the oral sex you mentioned? That counts too! So the time she caught you wasn't "one time." This was an ongoing thing - don't minimize it. And you practically pushed her out of her own house on New Year's when she didn't really want to go. And what did she come back to find? She is angry and SERIOUSLY traumatized.

Get tested for STD's, beg for forgiveness, tell the WHOLE truth, offer to go to counseling. It may not be enough, though. The trauma that she's been through is way over the top. Try seeing this through her eyes - try to imagine what she's going through. I know you're in pain too, but yours isn't even close to hers.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
No I have not been tested for STDs and neither has my wife. I think it's probably best for me to try to prolong the divorce as long as possible at least so we can try counseling. This is the first time that I cheated on her and I am sorry I was caught. I was just so caught up in this affair that I didn't realize that I was hurting the ones close to me.
 

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Frankly, you've proven incapable of having her heart. You don't deserve it. You're getting exactly what you deserve and asked for.

What you should be focusing on is bettering yourself as a person, so you don't selfishly put anybody else through the pain you've caused your wife.
 

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No I have not been tested for STDs and neither has my wife. I think it's probably best for me to try to prolong the divorce as long as possible at least so we can try counseling. This is the first time that I cheated on her and I am sorry I was caught. I was just so caught up in this affair that I didn't realize that I was hurting the ones close to me.
You are sorry you were caught? You don't deserve your wife, He's right. You should be sorry for treating the woman that was willing to give her life to you like trash.
 

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I hope you mean that you're sorry it was your wife who caught you because of the trauma it caused her. On some level, I hope you're glad you were caught because it ended the affair - because it was wrong to be cheating on your wife.

Please get tested for STD's ASAP. That's a gesture that she might appreciate. Bring the written results to her: she's not going to trust what you tell her or text her. Sorry, but your credibility is gone.
 

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I am sorry I was caught.
That says it all. You are not truly sorry for your actions. You are only sorry that there are consequences. The fact that you do not understand the difference is why she should not take you back. BTW, stop calling a guy that dresses like a girl a she; at least be honesty about the fact that your lover is a he and that you are gay.

@ derrek1's wife: Be strong. I am sorry that you have to go through this, but you are doing the right thing. You deserve better then being some guy's beard.
 

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You should first admit that you are bisexual. Figure your identity sh-t out and why you like co-ck in your bum. Nothing wrong with that if that's your thing. but its not okay to cheat for exploration. You should be comfortable with who you are and the choices you make so that you dont go back on your commitments.

If you want to show your wife you are making real change then goto IC (individual counselling)... out yourself to her friends and family - this shows that you will endure any embarrassment for her and will hold nothing back. Apologize to her, write her a letter, tell her what you are willing to do, go camp outside her door and beg for her forgiveness and to give you time to prove yourself.

Completely release all ego and surrender yourself to her and your fate.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
You should first admit that you are bisexual. Figure your identity sh-t out and why you like co-ck in your bum. Nothing wrong with that if that's your thing. but its not okay to cheat for exploration. You should be comfortable with who you are and the choices you make so that you dont go back on your commitments.

If you want to show your wife you are making real change then goto IC (individual counselling)... out yourself to her friends and family - this shows that you will endure any embarrassment for her and will hold nothing back. Apologize to her, write her a letter, tell her what you are willing to do, go camp outside her door and beg for her forgiveness and to give you time to prove yourself.

Completely release all ego and surrender yourself to her and your fate.
See the thing is that I'm not gay or bisexual. As strange as it sounds, this was just an exploration/curiousity thing for me. In fact, most of the time, I imagined I was with a woman. I don't have to do any soul searching because I already know who I should be. I was just taken off course and I need my wife to see that.
 

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Brother,

You cheated on your wife with a transexual...

I cannot see your wife ever getting over the shame that you caused her. I am not trying to be mean but you just went to a gay bar and hit it off... (Not that there is anything wrong with that)

You have bigger issues than your wife. I would have to tell her to D you. I am sorry for your predicament that you brought entirely on yourself.
 
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