Let's condense the nonsense.I have an issue and don’t know how to handle it. My wife and I have been married over 2 years and we get along great. In July she found out her ex boyfriend right before me died of an overdose. Since then it has felt she isn’t “all in” in our marriage. Sex became blah and not as frequent. Romantic things like touching, holding hands and kissing is mostly gone. I have a powerful gift of discernment and I can sense when things are not right so I’ve been sad and down for the last few weeks. She asked yesterday why I was down. She left for work and I found a message to her ex boyfriend after he died about how she was sorry she left him and if they would have stayed together they would be married. That message was in July after she found out about his death. Then the next message was 2 days ago saying she misses him. I’m not sure what is going on and haven’t been able to ask her yet. I’m not sure if I should feel as hurt about this as I do. I am looking for tHe best way to handle it and approach it. Thanks
What do you want to do, and what are you capable of?
There is a great deal of speculation about the mind-set of your wife. You're the one posting, so my suggestion for the moment is that you focus on how you feel and what you can do.
You can be her rock: "I know that you are hurting, I hope you can find a way to let me help you, but you have to talk to me ... about all of it."
You can be the rock: Keep your distance, let her work through it, support her if she seeks you out, or call her out if her behavior becomes more morbid or delusional.
Hide under a rock: Ruminate on your own feelings of hurt, and be jealous of the romanticized, fictional version, of her dead ex-boyfriend.
My .02 cents is definitely don't pick #3.