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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So here is the story:
I got married 5 years ago after two years or dating. We quickly bought a house and had a great couple years. Then things went down hill. My wife gained weight, her anxiety and depression got pretty bad and our marriage pretty much fizzled out. We did nothing but come home, watch to and go to bed. No romance, no passion, we pretty much were stagnant. Soon I was on the couch due to snoring and stayed there for the last year or so of the marriage. I avoided conflict at all costs which made things worse and she always had the upper hand. I always gave in to her demands and would make myself feel like crap when I couldn't make her happy. Eventually she stepped outside of the marriage, I found out and offered to forgive and try again. She asked me to move out and I did. Now here I am a year later living on my own. We have maintained communication and have actually hung out quite a few times. She broke things off with they guy about 8 months ago. So, she wants to try things again and I'm unsure if I do. I love her tremendously, I love being with her and spending time with her. I know she has learned a lesson with all this but should I go for it? This is killing me. Anyone been through anything similar that can chime in? Thanks in advance for the responses.
 

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Ugh! that would make me feel like I was the backup plan... She wants to come back after the other relationship failed.
 

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It is of course up to you if you want to try to put your marriage back together.

If this is what you want to do I suggest that you do some reading and working together on fixing things.

First off read the book "Surviving An Affair", by Dr. Harley. It will tell you a lot about how to handle the affair and the recovery from it.

Then get the books linked to in my signature block below for building a passionate marriage. The two of you need to read them and work through the material together. This will help you two put your marriage back together in a way that is affair proof.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I guess what I'm trying to figure out is are the feelings I am having now due to being lonely or am I still this in love with the girl and should give her another chance. Yeah, it does feel like I'm the 2nd choice and it sucks. I really don't think it would happen again but I'm more worried about not being able to forget about it and falling into the same rut that we were in before just because maybe we're not compatible. We did see a therapist before we split and it all went down and we both (not together) continued to see a therapist after the fact. We're both working on our lives.
 

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Sure part of you still loves her. Hell I still love my stbxw in a way, even after the horrible things she did to me. That said, what I love is the person she WAS, or perhaps just who I thought she was. She can never be that person again; I would never have that innocent love for her again.

So you have to ask yourself. Would you be able to love her like you did before or would this just drag out and/or cause you to be paranoid/unhappy for the rest of your life while you wait for her to find something "better" again.
 

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I'm guessing lonely, have you dated recently? You say you are worried about not forgetting and being incompatible which could cause her to do it again. I have a feeling that your worries may become a reality if you decide to reconcile with her.
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