I've been married to my wife for three years now and there's some major issues between us that I don't know how to deal with. She has stopped giving me affection. No hugs, no hand holding (unless I suggest it first), and no kissing. I used to have a lot of anger issues and I have learned some ways to control those issues but it's hard.
I try my best to make her happy. I offer to watch movies together or watch t.v. shows together. Perhaps play a game. I try to get us to spend some time together and sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't but I'm always the one that has to initiate. I do things around the house and try to help out. I never get a thank you or a thanks. I'm never complimented about anything. If I forget something she lets me know. "You forgot to turn off the bedroom light. You forgot to check the dog's food/water. Have you been doing this or that? How hard is it for you to do __!?"
I tell myself it's my fault. Not doing good enough. Got to do better. Got to try harder. I push and push to please her and in the end the stress piles up and I lose it. I yell at her. I tell her (loudly) how I feel. Sometimes I throw things. I never hit her. I tell her that I feel inadequate. That I try and try but I'm just never good enough. I threaten to leave. She tells me everytime I explode in this manner that I'm abusive and I turn around and point at the happy couples around us.
Those walking down the grocery store holding hands and joking (we walk in complete silence most of the time.) people kissing at the movies. I point out most couples I know DO things together. she tells me she doesn't know any couples like the ones I'm describing and that this is "normal." I won't lie. She makes me cry and usually by the end of the fight we're both crying.
After a fight I go in her room. I hold her, rubh er back, apologize. I take all the blame. I tell her it's all my fault. I'll do better next time. I'll try harder I won't explode. I'll be calmer I'll be good for her. Last fight I suggested we go to a marriage counselor. We both need help. My explosions still happen and I still feel like a slave. I feel unloved, treated unfairly, and miserable. She's obviously miserable and I need to learn new ways to control my anger.
She says no. I'm the only one that needs help. She doesn't need to go to a counselor. I do. She refuses to go. She says she's not an affectionate person. To get over it. Please help I don't know what to do. I don't know and sometimes I do feel like it is all my fault that maybe I should be the one to get help. I feel worthless. I haven't felt so miserable about myself in my life.
I try my best to make her happy. I offer to watch movies together or watch t.v. shows together. Perhaps play a game. I try to get us to spend some time together and sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't but I'm always the one that has to initiate. I do things around the house and try to help out. I never get a thank you or a thanks. I'm never complimented about anything. If I forget something she lets me know. "You forgot to turn off the bedroom light. You forgot to check the dog's food/water. Have you been doing this or that? How hard is it for you to do __!?"
I tell myself it's my fault. Not doing good enough. Got to do better. Got to try harder. I push and push to please her and in the end the stress piles up and I lose it. I yell at her. I tell her (loudly) how I feel. Sometimes I throw things. I never hit her. I tell her that I feel inadequate. That I try and try but I'm just never good enough. I threaten to leave. She tells me everytime I explode in this manner that I'm abusive and I turn around and point at the happy couples around us.
Those walking down the grocery store holding hands and joking (we walk in complete silence most of the time.) people kissing at the movies. I point out most couples I know DO things together. she tells me she doesn't know any couples like the ones I'm describing and that this is "normal." I won't lie. She makes me cry and usually by the end of the fight we're both crying.
After a fight I go in her room. I hold her, rubh er back, apologize. I take all the blame. I tell her it's all my fault. I'll do better next time. I'll try harder I won't explode. I'll be calmer I'll be good for her. Last fight I suggested we go to a marriage counselor. We both need help. My explosions still happen and I still feel like a slave. I feel unloved, treated unfairly, and miserable. She's obviously miserable and I need to learn new ways to control my anger.
She says no. I'm the only one that needs help. She doesn't need to go to a counselor. I do. She refuses to go. She says she's not an affectionate person. To get over it. Please help I don't know what to do. I don't know and sometimes I do feel like it is all my fault that maybe I should be the one to get help. I feel worthless. I haven't felt so miserable about myself in my life.
