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I am feeling so lonely, sad and frustrated! I do not get any attention from my husband at all. Never a touch a hug a kiss nor sex. I am craving at this point for a man to hold me and to want me. We have been married for 11 years and we have been together 13 years and have 3 kids together. He is older than me I am 35 and he is 43. Sex in the beginning was good but not the best I have had. Over time it has diminished. He could go 3 months without it. I would prefer to have it at LEAST once a week. We have both gained weight since we met. But I am still very attracted to him. I have recently lost a lot of weight and still feel like I am pretty attractive. Other men still hit on me (I look very young for my age). When we do have sex once every 3 months it is a quick and he does not last and he is not that hard. If we happen to have sex twice in a month which is rare he is pretty soft and limp. He keeps telling me its not me and he is very attracted to me. He says he is the one with a problem. He said in his mind he is very horny just cant fully get it up. I just feel like for some reason lately I want it all the time! I am tired of trying because when I do he shuts me down. I feel like inside I am ready to explode because I need him so bad. I recently have been having dreams that feel so real of having sex with other guys . Is that normal? I have never cheated on him nor has he cheated on me. He is a real heavy drinker he drinks anywhere between 12-24 beers everyday. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I am getting jipped and need it so bad more now than ever before. He did get his levels checked. He is in the normal range but at the really low end of the normal range. I have tried to talk to him about it. I just don't know what to do. It is not a good feeling not to be wanted. Any opinions? Am I screwed with the rest of my life without sex? I always thought men always needed sex and wanted sex. Boy was I wrong lol.
 

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12-24 beers a day. no wonder he cant get erect. instead of checking t levels u need to have his addiction checked
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homebuilder that has been a huge battle in our relationship. His addiction is winning! Everything he has tried and he still cant quit or even cut back. That is a whole other issue that I seem to be at lost with.
 

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Is he on BP medicine and is he very overweight? He may have physical issues that are affecting his erections. Certain BP medicines can cause impotency over time - not sure which ones or if it's more related to dosage levels.
 

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No he has never been checked out. We are both self employeed and do not have health insurance so he has never gone to the dr for anything. He is not on any medication at all.
 

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12-24 beers a day. no wonder he cant get erect. instead of checking t levels u need to have his addiction checked
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I fully agree with Homebuilder that the amount of alcohol your H consumes is alone enough to cause what you are describing, but the low T could be a contributing factor, too. A T-level at the low end of normal could have caused his lack of libido even without the alcohol. Also, if he has no libido to begin with, he has less of an immediate consequence from his drinking. There are many good and easy therapies available for testosterone issues. As a first step, he should see a good doctor who specializes in that. (I get pellets implanted every 4-6 months and they dissolve over that time. Only moderate fluctuations in T level over that time, and no daily applications of gel or injections. They have worked miracles for me.) That will be a much easier start than giving up drinking. If his interest in sex returns but he still has ED, he can try Viagra for that problem. Still, you should try to get him to cut down or quit the alcohol. Aside from your sex life, he is most likely shortening his life with each beer.
 

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He is killing himself! I tell him that all the time. I tell him that he will not be around to see our younger chidren graduate.Nothing seems to click with him to get him to back down on his alcohol. He is really overwieght. He actually eats really healthy. He never eats junk. He always eats meats and vegetables. But he does have a huge beer gut. He knows what it is like to be in shape. He use to have an amazing body and would work out daily. I still need to loose a little bit more weight but I am not even close to the amount of weight H needs to loose. I thought loosing the weight I have lost would make him want me. It has not helped.
 

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I am sorry you are not getting the affection from your husband you seem so deserving of.

When does he find time in the day to drink all that beer? ( you don't have to answer that I'm just astounded )

Keep working out and improving the situation for yourself and your kids.

Has he considered going to AA? Have you?
 

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There is an issue why he's drinking, does he come from a alcoholic family? I would say either he really tries to stop drinking or you must leave the relationship. If he goes on like this things will get worse and deteriorate. It is not were you want your children to grow up. I bet you cannot really afford MC but splitting up is expensive too and the deteriorating health of you husband. There are self help groups for alcoholics. I really would thinks the whole problem thoroughly through, including your finances when you leave. Then try to talk with him when he's sober and try not to get upset whatever he says. Tell him that either the beer or you leave.
 
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