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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
My husband of 11 yrs rekindled a romance with a teenage sweetheart. They reconnected via Facebook. They sexted and video messaged for months. They met in person and made out. I downloaded their discussions and proof and printed them out. I confronted him and told him to choose. I told him how much it hurts me. I told him I felt like garbage and worthless. We've been working on patching things up but he insists on keeping a friendship with her. He does it secretly (though I check email and other accounts so I know what's going on). He won't let her go and it hurts so much. I hate her with ever fiber in me. I want to tell her to back off or I will send the transcripts to her husband and kids. But she will just run to my husband and complain about how horrible I am. I don't know what to do. I want my family to stay together, my husband is a good husband and father. He just needs to loose the girlfriend. I have told him this but he still emails her. Nothing more than friend emails now from him, but she is still mushy. I hate her. What do I do??? How do I get rid of her???
 

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Kindabitter:

WHY are you putting ALL the blame for this on the other woman (OW)? Your husband IS JUST AS RESPONSIBLE! You say he is a 'good husband', but his actions prove otherwise.

You told him to choose: you or OW. He chose OW. He is STILL SECRETLY emailing her! Don't tell her to back off or you'll let her husband know. HE DESERVES TO KNOW WHAT HE'S MARRIED TO...a lying cheater! How would you like it if people knew about YOUR husband and didn't tell you? Wouldn't you feel stupid? Wouldn't you feel like *YOU* should have a CHOICE in whether or not to stay married to a cheater instead of him just 'pulling the wool over your eyes'? Well, the other woman's HUSBAND deserves the SAME CONSIDERATION.

YOU know the truth. YOU know that HE should be able to make an informed decision about whether to stay with a cheating wife. But, he can't do that unless YOU enlighten him. Do NOT tell your husband. Do NOT tell the other woman. Tell her husband so HE can protect himself emotionally AND physically (have YOU been tested for STDs? Other woman's husband should be...who knows if either of your partners have cheated before?)

As for YOUR husband. You asked him to choose. He did. He chose to continue a relationship with another woman (whom you hate, rightfully so). So, NOW what are you going to do about it?
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Kindabitter:

WHY are you putting ALL the blame for this on the other woman (OW)? Your husband IS JUST AS RESPONSIBLE! You say he is a 'good husband', but his actions prove otherwise.

You told him to choose: you or OW. He chose OW. He is STILL SECRETLY emailing her! Don't tell her to back off or you'll let her husband know. HE DESERVES TO KNOW WHAT HE'S MARRIED TO...a lying cheater! How would you like it if people knew about YOUR husband and didn't tell you? Wouldn't you feel stupid? Wouldn't you feel like *YOU* should have a CHOICE in whether or not to stay married to a cheater instead of him just 'pulling the wool over your eyes'? Well, the other woman's HUSBAND deserves the SAME CONSIDERATION.

YOU know the truth. YOU know that HE should be able to make an informed decision about whether to stay with a cheating wife. But, he can't do that unless YOU enlighten him. Do NOT tell your husband. Do NOT tell the other woman. Tell her husband so HE can protect himself emotionally AND physically (have YOU been tested for STDs? Other woman's husband should be...who knows if either of your partners have cheated before?)

As for YOUR husband. You asked him to choose. He did. He chose to continue a relationship with another woman (whom you hate, rightfully so). So, NOW what are you going to do about it?
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Im a seperated dad of two kids. I will give you the mans perspective. It is absolutely unacceptable for him to maintain contact with her if he wants to stay in the marraige. You telling him to choose gives him the ability to resolve things or play with time and power. If he doesnt react positively and quickly then you must take action. I say take action because yu can not choose for him to end contact with her. You can only show him the door. Only when this happens will he realise you are serious. If he goes, dont panic. If he goes you do need to avoid lpaying hurt games as that is what would keep him away. This is kind of what happened with me. If my ex and i communicated like adults when we split we could have got back together. We didnt and now three years on we are both unhappy seperated parents and too much time has gone by for us to resolve.
So in short. Give him the choice. If he doesnt choose quickly (say a few weeks) then give him the boot. After he is gone be nice (i dont mean awkward civil) be nice and be honest and give him generous access to the children (assuming he is responsible) and try to avoid legal people (for now, by all means when thay are really needed use them) because that will spell the end. If he behaves immaturely dont react in kind. It is normal but if one person is solid the other has more chance of turning. You need to be strong and kind. He needs to know you dont want this but are well able for it and will go through with it if need be. Dont let money, family, religious belief or fear prevent you from being that strong person. No matter what the outcome, if you do this you will either gain his respect and get your family back or get rid of someone who was only set to hurt you and your family.
I hope you stay strong and find happiness again no matter the outcome.
ps i would like your opinion on my issues see
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...nseling-end-all-hope-me-help.html#post1232658
 

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does the OW have a BF or husband? if so expose the affair to him and ask for his support in both marriages by making inconvienent and uncomfortable to continue.

I also suggest you expose this to his family in the same manner.


Once you start excepting the fact that is truely unacceptable, you will find the confidence to let him go, and you will ask him to leave.

Sure, you love the man, but until he feels some real consequences for his behavior he will continue with this behavior. You have yet to give him any reason to change.

Do not let him make this all about him with regard to not doing any thing wrong or the "we're just friends" bull crap. Tell him this is about you and the only way to stop the emotional pain you have is to let him go. See you can control him but you can control what *you* tolorate.
 

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STOP RIGHT THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm gonna yell <<ahem>>

HE NOT NOT A GOOD HUSBAND, LOOK WHAT HE IS DOING TO HIS WIFE! GOOD FATHER? GOOD FATHERS WOULDN'T HURT THEIR MOMMIE AND MAKE HER CRY.

So if you ask questions and put up boundaries, he is going to be even that more ready to "get out" and have fun. Home won't be fun anymore when he's got a "hotsie Totsie" out there waiting for him who has never washed his dirty underwear, took care of him when he was sick, cleaned his pubed off the toilet seat. Oh no, she gets Mister Charming who is so good, he doesn't have a butt hole! He was cast in gold by the Gods ya know?

I can see your anger at the girl, but she is NOT the problem. Your hubby is 100 percent wrong and talking to the girl or trying to break them up is going to cause you more undo stress. If he is done with your marriage, he might pick up with another homewrecker. Facebook is the devil!
 

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Why do you hate her? She isn't the one who made the vows to you - he did, and he's not exactly stopping her from pursuing him is he?

So you get rid of her, then what? He has no boundaries, who is to say he won't just look for someone else? He is the problem here!
 
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